


Someone Tell Me What Happened Because I Don't Remember a Thing

by TheSpaceHairAndTheSpaceIdiot



Series: Someone Tell Me What Happened Because I Don't Remember a Thing [1]
Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-25
Updated: 2014-02-15
Packaged: 2017-12-30 11:02:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 75,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1017822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSpaceHairAndTheSpaceIdiot/pseuds/TheSpaceHairAndTheSpaceIdiot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He grumbled to himself, thinking the sun was never usually this bad directly over his bed, and with great effort, forced his head to turn. The sight that greeted his beleaguered gaze caused his heart to stop. </p>
<p>Alex was laying in his bed. Not just in his bed, not just next to him, but half on top of him, laying on her front, draped over the left side of his chest and her face buried in his neck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a little something I've been working on. Title taken from the song "Amnesia" by Skepta. Hope you guys enjoy and I hope to have the next part up soon! 
> 
> Edit: And a million thanks to the lovely Bec who went back after this whole monster of a fic was finished to beta for me. I only just finished giving it a final look through myself but she did the whole thing in about a week! :D

Sunlight filtered in through the curtains, rays streaking across Matt's face as he blinked awake. Immediately upon opening his eyes, however, he slammed them shut again. The sun was too bright and positively screamed at him, much too joyous to appreciate with what felt like a drum line marching through his head.

He groaned and made to bring his arms up to cover his face as he tried to remember the events of the night before. He quickly found that the left wouldn't budge, and at first, he simply figured he was so fatigued and achy from whatever events had transpired just outside of the grasp of his memory, but soon realized his whole left side seemed to be under a good deal of pressure. With the mixed haze from just waking up and the hangover pounding through his head, it was difficult to properly think, but he forced his eyes to open once more and fought to keep them open against the murderous beams of light. He grumbled to himself, thinking the sun was never usually this bad directly over his bed, and with great effort, forced his head to turn. The sight that greeted his beleaguered gaze caused his heart to stop.

Alex was lying in his bed. Not just _in_ his bed, not just _next_ to him, but half on _top_ of him, laying on her front, draped over the left side of his chest, with her face buried in his neck.

Matt's whole brain shut down. All he could think about was the picture in front of him. The only bit of new information that was able to get through was the fact that she definitely wasn't wearing any clothes and seeing as he, with his senses only just starting to return to him, was able to feel every inch of her pressed up against every inch of himself, neither was he.

Bringing his one unencumbered hand up to run haphazardly through his hair, he only managed to gape at her, lost in shock. For several minutes, that's all he was able to do, and whatever control he retained over his mind and body went strictly into ensuring he didn't move another inch. Because if he moved, she would most likely wake up and he wasn't sure he could handle that just yet.

_'What the hell happened last night?'_ It certainly didn't take a rocket scientist to come up with a likely scenario, but could that really be the answer? Could he really have not only shagged Alex Bloody Kingston, but not even remember a single moment of it?

Reflecting back with all the concentration currently possible, that wasn't entirely true. Wisps of memory were starting to bleed frustratingly slowly out of the haze and into his consciousness, but only drips and drabs and nowhere near a cohesive picture. He could remember being at some sort of club and a vision of him and Alex dancing blazed through his mind, followed by a shot of them kissing fiercely in a dark corner and then the two of them pressed up against the door of his flat, but that's where the memories ended, it seemed.

Matt didn't know what to do. Under normal circumstances, he'd curl up and go back to sleep, putting off the usual, awkward morning-after ritual until he was better rested and feeling the effects of the hangover less. But this wasn't just any woman wrapped around him this morning. This was Alex. His good friend and colleague – and the woman he'd found himself falling more and more in love with over the past two years. He couldn't decide if he was deliriously happy that what had presumably transpired between them had happened at all, or angry that he could barely remember any of it after imagining for so long what it would be like – especially since he highly doubted it would ever happen again.

He wasn't fooling himself – they had obviously been out at a club with Karen and Arthur and the rest of the _Who_ crew and gotten drunk (his blinding headache was proof enough of that; he didn't think his head had ever hurt this badly in his life), and Matt, under the spell of liquid courage, had probably made the move he would never have been able to make sober.

Alex must have been just drunk enough to accept whatever alcohol-induced advances he'd made and wound up in his bed. Naked. (He couldn't seem to get that thought out of his mind, since he could feel her breasts pressing against his own chest.) But he didn't fool himself into thinking that this was something she'd ever care to repeat and wasn't looking forward to the expression of awkwardness, dismay, or even anger that was bound to blanket her face when she awoke and took in her surroundings.

No, this definitely wasn't good. Not only had he likely fucked up whatever tiny sliver of a chance he'd ever had of approaching her – sober – and expressing his feelings for her in hopes of having a real relationship, something more that a drunken one-night stand, but had also almost definitely ruined the friendship and working relationship they currently shared. All for some stupid shag he couldn't even remember.

Without thinking, he lifted his head from the pillow it had been resting on and slammed it back down forcefully, eliciting a loud groan of frustration and pain as he cursed himself mentally.

He froze again, holding his breath, when Alex started to stir in her sleep, having been jostled by his movements.

_'Don't wake up. Please don't wake up. Not bloody yet!'_ his mind screamed.

The universe apparently wasn't on his side this morning.

Her arm shifted first, moving from where it was draped over her head to his chest, right next to his heart. Then she started to hum, which shortly turned into a small moan as she stretched her limbs out and arched her back, only serving to press her front more firmly into his body. That, coupled with the sounds coming from her glorious mouth did nothing to ease the half-hard erection he was already sporting.

_Not the time, Smith!'_ he berated himself as he attempted to will his problem away, which worked about as well as he expected it to, which was not at all, considering the position they were still in, with her bare knee so very, very close to where he wanted it. But that was driven almost entirely from his mind when she finally opened her eyes.

Matt jumped, startled by the not-so-sudden movement and afraid of the disappointment sure to come his way any moment. Alex came to attention almost immediately, concern etching her face.

“Matt, what is it? What's wrong?” she gasped quickly, seeing the shock and fright on his face as she blinked at him. She was leaning up on her elbow now, with her left hand resting more insistently on his chest.

Matt just continued to stare at her for a moment. She seemed calm, outside of the fact that he'd probably frightened her by moving so suddenly. So maybe she wasn't angry or upset. Maybe she remembered more than he did. Maybe this would be all right. Trying to get his bearings together, he took a shaky breath and said, “You just... er... surprised me when you woke up. Wasn't expecting it.” He ran his hand quickly through his hair again and looked at her sheepishly.

The concern slipped off her face at his words and she rolled her eyes at him fondly. “Is that all? Silly man. Go back to sleep, darling. God knows you need it after last night,” she said lightly and curled up around him once more, making herself comfortable but keeping her eyes open and trained on him.

She definitely didn't seem to be suffering from nearly as strong of a hangover as he was and appeared to remember more about last night's activities, which he wasn't sure was a good thing or not. She was certainly at ease, draped over his arm again, so maybe this wasn't the complete train wreck he'd originally thought it to be.

“Right,” he said slowly, trying to gather his thoughts and find out exactly where they stood with each other. “About – er – last night...”

Her eyes widened in surprise and fear as she raised up on her elbow again. “What about last night? Are you all right?”

He gaped at her. “Yeah! Yeah, yeah, of course! I'm fine, I'm more than fine, I'm brilliant!” he said in a rush, not wanting her to think he regretted what had happened between them (even if he couldn't exactly remember it, strictly speaking). “But what about you? Are _you_ ok?”

She laughed, a deep, throaty sound that he'd always loved. “I'm perfectly fine, darling, but I'm not the one who hit my head and refused to rest afterwards,” she said as she lifted her arm and ran her fingers gently through his hair and across his scalp, each movement sending a shiver of electricity down his spine.

“I hit my head?” Yet another thing about last night he had no memory of, but it certainly _sounded_ like something he would do.

Just as he was thinking that, Alex's fingers brushed ever-so-gently over a spot on the side of his scalp that made him wince in pain, hissing and sucking air in through his teeth as he reached up with his own hand to rub gingerly at the tremendous bump he found there.

“That hurt? Oh, I'm sorry!” Alex's face was screwed up in concern and guilt. She moved her hand away from his and started stroking in a less sensitive area. “Darling, I _told_ you we should have gotten that checked out last night. Are you _sure_ you're all right?” She bit her lip, eyes full of worry.

“Yeah, 'm fine. I _thought_ the hangover was stronger than usual. But I'm fine, I swear.” Thinking this was as good a time as any to bring up their current situation, he smiled and added, “Certainly can't think of a better way to wake up after making a clumsy idiot of meself again.” He wanted to reach over and touch her arm or kiss her but wanted to gauge how she would respond first.

She smiled brightly at him and rolled her eyes again. “Flirt.” She leaned over and pressed a kiss to his lips, lingering only for a moment before pulling away, leaving him only slightly dazed but with high spirits. “Since it doesn't look as if you're going back to sleep anytime soon, I may as well go make us some tea, get the day started properly.”

Before he could protest, intending to volunteer to get tea himself - it was his flat afterall, she'd thrown the covers back and moved to stand up. The sight of her body, on full display for the first time, distracted him to the point of speechlessness until she was already out the door. Letting out a breath he hadn't even been aware he'd been holding, Matt allowed himself to finally break out into a huge grin.

He didn't know exactly what had happened – it sounded like he'd made a great, big prat out of himself yet again, but if that was what had brought him here, he'd fall and injure himself and make a prat of himself every day for the rest of his life, if only he could wake up the same way, with that woman next to him the next day.

Thinking, Matt decided that his previously drunken self must have said _something_ brilliant to her last night because not only was she not angry or regretful, but she wasn't acting as if she had any plans on leaving anytime soon. He'd expected her to rush out as soon as she awoke, with a flimsy excuse and explaining that this couldn't happen again, or maybe a hasty promise to call later and talk if he was extremely lucky.

Instead, she was rubbing his head and kissing him and walking around his flat making him tea. Completely and utterly, gloriously naked, with not a hint of the modesty or the embarrassment others may have felt after waking up in bed with a friend and coworker after a drunken sexual encounter. He should get smashed more often if this was the luck that followed. It was definitely worth the hangover and pain in his head.

Alex walked back in a few minutes later and she'd managed to find a serving tray he didn't even know he owned. She set the tray down over his lap and he saw she had two cups of tea and a plate of toast. She got back into bed and curled into him, sitting up against the headboard, and took the cup she'd assigned to herself.

Inhaling the steam from the tea, he groaned lightly. “My God, Kingston. Bloody amazing, you are,” he rasped as he drank from the cup.

“I think you said something along those lines last night as well, darling,” she said with a giggle and pressed a kiss to his bare shoulder.

He choked on his tea. “Did I?” Matt asked, feeling his cheeks redden. His confidence, however, was growing as he felt her warm lips against his skin. The thought had crossed his mind that this was some sort of dream or hallucination and his only response to that was that if it was, he never wanted to wake up.

He reached out to push the tray to the foot of the bed and shifted so he was mostly facing her. He brushed his hand along her shoulder and ran it gently down her arm as he spoke. “I'm sure you were more than deserving of the praise. Can't imagine you ever _not_ being bloody amazing, especially like this.”

He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers, kissing her gently until he felt her open her mouth under his, allowing him access to explore her further, which he eagerly took advantage of. Kissing her now, like this, was so different from how they'd kissed in the past, on set, with hot lights blazing down on them, at least a dozen crew members watching, and multiple cuts to get different camera angles. This was soft and unhurried and _real_ and he knew now that he had this, he would never be able to let it go. He had to make sure he did nothing to screw this up.

They broke for air a minute later and he grinned broadly at her, but now that they had separated, she was biting her lip, something obviously on her mind. His smile faltered and he hoped she wasn't having second thoughts. He'd waited for this for far too long and he didn't think he could recover if she left now. And he wouldn't even be able to look back on the encounter with fondness because he couldn't even remember most of it. That just wouldn't be fair.

“Alex? Wh-what's the matter?”

She didn't answer for a few seconds, seeming to debate whether to answer at all. “It's nothing, Matt, really. I just... what did you mean when you said _'Did I?'_ ” she asked quietly, looking at him in concern. “Do you not remember that?”

“Ah,” he breathed, his stomach starting to sink.

He hadn't exactly thought about _telling_ her he didn't remember last night, not yet at least. He honestly hadn't thought about that part at all, this was all so sudden. How exactly did he tell this woman, who he'd loved from afar for so long, that he'd been so plastered the night they'd finally had sex that he barely remembered a moment of it? That he couldn't remember the way she looked in the throes of (what he hoped was) ecstasy, or how she felt wrapped around him, how she tasted or smelled, how she sounded as he moved within her, or how he hoped he'd held her when it was all over? He highly doubted she would love that. He only hoped this wasn't the nail in his proverbial coffin.

“Well... no. Not exactly,” he answered quietly, letting go of her arm and rubbing the back of his neck.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “What do you mean 'not exactly?'” she asked him, her voice lowering. He couldn't place the look on her face but it didn't seem to be made up primarily of anger, which gave him a shred of hope.

“I guess I mean I _don't_ remember saying it,” he admitted guiltily. “To be perfectly honest, Alex, I don't remember much about last night at all.”

He looked up from where he'd been staring into his lap to her face, which was a picture of shock and worry. He grimaced and moved on, speaking quickly.

“Not that it was bad or – or – or unimportant! I'm sure last night was _brilliant_ and I'd _love_ for it to happen again. I just – well – I must have had a hell of a lot to drink because I've got the mother of all hangovers. Last night is one great big, blank spot to me.” Taking advantage of her shocked silence, he gathered her hands tightly in his own, looking beseechingly at her as he continued. “And I wish, more than anything that it wasn't, because I have wanted this for so bloody long and I couldn't bear to lose you now that I've just gotten you - all because I'm a big, drunken pillock.”

The line of Alex's mouth was very thin and her face was definitely paler than it had been a few minutes ago. “Matt, darling, what on Earth are you talking about?” she asked, her voice shaking slightly as she pulled one hand free and ran it through his fringe before cupping his cheek, holding his hand more firmly in the other. “You were barely drunk last night. You didn't have nearly enough alcohol to warrant a black out. Are you certain you're feeling well?”

He didn't know how to respond to that. “Yeah, yeah, I'm fi-”

“And what do you mean you've just gotten me? I've always been here, darling.” Her voice was getting progressively higher pitched and unsteady.

“Well, yeah, of course we've known each other for ages,” he said with a shaky breath, trying to express himself and make sense of things at the same time. “But I've never had you like this – in my bed and my arms, kissing and touching you without a whole crew watching.” Seeing her face did nothing to ease his nerves or his confusion. He cursed himself and exclaimed, “You know what I mean!”

“Okay, Matt, now – now you're scaring me!” He could see tears beginning to form in her eyes. He just looked on helplessly and then she grabbed his head, forcing it down for her to see better, running her hands over more of his scalp. She pressed against the lump, ignoring his yelp of pain and shock as she asked, “Does this hurt?”

“Yeah, it's a fucking knot on the side of my head! Of course it bloody well hurts!”

Pushing him back into an upright position, she put her hands on his face, pulling his eyelids open to inspect his pupils closely. “Oh, I knew we should have gone straight to the hospital after you fell. I _knew_ it, but you _swore_ you were fine, you _swore_ it was nothing -”

He grasped her wrists in his hands. “I _am_ fine and it _is_ nothing,” he said forcefully, trying to calm her down and see there was nothing wrong with him.

It was just bad luck that this was happening the morning after taking a bump to the head, but this wasn't the first time he'd woken up a bit foggy on the details of the night before. She seemed to be under the impression he was suffering from some sort of brain damage. He needed to show her she was worrying over nothing.

“Alex, I wish more than anything I could remember last night, trust me, but it's not like this is unheard of – we've all blacked out at some point. But I'm fine. You don't have to worry. I don't have a concussion or – or amnesia or anything, I swear.”

She stilled, just looking at him in fear and trepidation and he _hated_ that it was him making her look like that. Slowly, but careful to emphasize each word, she asked, “Darling, what exactly do you think happened last night? From your perspective, what is it you think you can't remember, exactly?”

He stared at her. It was really rather obvious what had happened. Unless – maybe they hadn't shagged after all. Maybe he was jumping to conclusions.

But no, they'd woken up in bed, his bed, the both of them completely naked and wrapped around each other, and she'd gotten him tea and toast and kissed him. She was now in bed with him again, still with no clothes or even a dressing gown on. And there were those dim memories of them snogging rather ferociously both in the club and outside the flat last night. No – there was no way that they _hadn't_.

“Well, we were out at some club last night, probably with Karen and Arthur and the rest of the crew, and the two of us were dancing – that much I remember,” he started to explain. “Then I don't know what happened but I must have said or done something to make you give me a shot because the next thing I know we were snogging in the club and then outside my door, and then - we obviously must have fallen into bed and shagged each others' brains out, because next thing I know, I'm waking up totally confused,” he said, then quickly added, “but desperately hoping it can happen a second time so that I can actually _remember_ it and then, hopefully, over and over again.”

He hadn't been able to look in her eyes for that last bit, feeling rather like a lovesick schoolboy, but when he looked up, he'd expected his words to have had a positive effect on her, hoped to find her calmed and happier. Instead, she looked more frightened than ever and was on the verge of tears again.

She took a shaky, watery breath and steeled herself before speaking. “So, you think we got together last night? That after years of... flirting and innuendos and... unresolved tension, we finally slept together?”

Taking in her wording, Matt's stomach sunk again. “Well, yeah, of course! What other explanation could there possibly be after the way we woke up?”

At that, she froze for just a moment, them climbed from the bed and sprung into action. “That's it, get dressed now!”

She moved towards his closet and started pulling clothes out. She threw a random pair of trousers into his lap, followed by a shirt that in no way matched, then came out with an armful of what looked to be her own clothes. How on Earth did Alex have clothes in his closet?

“What? Why? Where are we going?”

“The hospital. Now, come on, get dressed!”

He scoffed. “The hospital? Alex, I told you, I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with me! All I have is a bump, it's nothing!” She moved to his dresser and pulled out a pair of mismatched socks and a pair of pants, throwing them at him as well.

“No, Matt, you're really not,” she said as she started pulling on her own clothes, avoiding his gaze as she dressed quickly.

“Not being able to remember one drunken night does not equal brain damage! It's just a coincidence it's the same night I bumped my head, which, by the way, I've done plenty of times!” he tried to reason with her.

She turned to face him angrily, her eyes flashing dangerously. “You did not just _'bump your head.'_ You were up on stage with the band, tripped over a wire, _slammed_ your head against the stage, hit it again when you hit the ground, and lost _consciousness_ for half a minute! I _told_ you we should go straight to A &E but you _swore_ you were fine! Now look at you!”

He got up off the bed and his legs felt a bit unsteady. He reached for his pants, pulling them up. “Look, Alex, if you really want to go and get me checked out, if it'll really make you feel better, we'll go,” he said as he started pulling the rest of his clothes on. “But there's nothing wrong with me, really. I don't know why you're so upset. You're panicking over nothing.”

She didn't seem comforted by his words at all. If anything, they only served to make her worse. “Oh, God, this is all my fault. I shouldn't have listened to you. I shouldn't have let you drink after, or dance. And the sex probably wasn't the greatest idea, either. I should have just driven you straight to A&E, then maybe this wouldn't be happening.” She'd finally let a tear fall down her face as she started pacing the room, hands grasping at the back of her hair.

He walked over and grabbed her by the shoulders, pulling her close to him and wrapping her in his arms. “Hey, hey now, calm down, Kingston. What wouldn't be happening? Look at me – I'm absolutely _fine_.”

She pulled back just enough to look in his eyes, and he brought his hands up to cup her face in reassurance. “No, Matt, you don't understand, darling. We didn't get together last night.”

“What?” he gaped at her in disbelief. “But – but this morning and – and you _just_ said -!”

“No, Matt, we didn't get together last night,” she said sadly, tears streaming silently down her face as she reached up to cup his face in her own palms. “Not for the first time at least. We've been together a long time now.”

“What? No we haven't!” he said, shocked by her words. “Alex, last night was the first time anything like this has ever happened. Trust me, I've wanted it so long, I'd definitely remember, head injury or not.” He tried to force out a laugh as he tried to make her come to her senses. Maybe he wasn't the one that wasn't feeling well.

“Yes, we have, Matt.” she forced herself to choke out as she got more visibly upset, making his heart clench painfully.

He was just about to open his mouth to protest again when he caught a glimpse of his hand for the first time and the flash of gold coming from his left ring finger.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the second chapter. I can't believe the amazing outpour of support you've all given me over the last two days, since my confidence in posting fic in general and posting this specifically has been basically non-existent, so thank you all so much! If I had to guess, the next part should hopefully be up around Wednesday. I hope you guys all enjoy and that it doesn't disappoint!

Matt's jaw dropped. He wore rings all the time, which is probably why he hadn't noticed he was wearing one this morning. But he never wore anything like this. The thick, golden ring he was wearing now was no decorative piece meant to coordinate with whatever outfit he was wearing that day. This was, unquestionably, a wedding ring.

He pulled his hand back and brought it up to his face for closer inspection, as if it would change appearance into something innocuous if only he could see it more closely. Alex, realizing what he had finally noticed, grabbed his other hand and clasped it in her own. He managed to catch a glimpse of the golden ring on her finger as well, as she pleaded with him, “Oh, darling, _please_ , let's go,” and pulled him quickly into the sitting room. She picked up the first pair of trainers she found and tossed them at his feet as she went in search of her own shoes.

Stunned, a million questions racing through his head, he slipped the shoes on and stumbled back into the bedroom to find his wallet sitting on the nightstand. He flipped through it quickly but saw nothing out of the ordinary – his ID and credit cards, and other things he would normally keep in it and all seemed to match who he thought he was, so he hadn't just woken up in somebody else's life.

Slipping the wallet into his back pocket, he trudged back into the sitting room to find Alex walking out of the hallway with her shoes on and her purse slung over her shoulder. She walked over to him and grabbed his hand, pulling him toward the front door. He followed without a word, his mind too busy running in circles to protest or ask any of the questions running around it.

She led him out of the building and to her car parked outside without a word. They got in and she pulled out onto the street, heading towards the motorway that led to the nearest hospital.

Ten minutes later, she hadn't said another word and neither had he. He wanted to talk to her, ask her question after question; he wanted to know what was going on, and how they were apparently not only in a relationship but also, it seemed, _married_. The word kept resounding over and over in his head, like some insane mantra he couldn't escape. This whole morning just felt like one giant, wonderful, horrifying dream. But although it certainly felt like one, he was pretty certain it was actually reality. He was just completely lost within it.

Soon they were pulling into the car park of the hospital's A&E. She led him by the hand inside and sat him down in a seat, going over to explain his situation to the attending nurses. All he could do was sit and stare at the drab walls around him, lost in his own thoughts. After a few minutes, he saw people start to notice him, children and adults alike, but seeing as they were in the middle of a hospital, most people had problems more important that asking him for his autograph, which he was thankful for.

He didn't know if they considered his injury more dire than those of the other people waiting before him or if they just wanted to get him out of open spaces before his celebrity status became an issue, but he and Alex were quickly called into a private room to wait.

Left alone with Alex once more, he found an overwhelming need to say something to her, anything. But nothing was coming to mind that didn't sound completely ridiculous. Instead, he flopped down onto the examination table and covered his eyes with his hands.

“Careful of your head. God knows what sort of damage you have going on up there, we don't need you making it worse.”

He peeked through his fingers at Alex. She was leaning up against the wall across from him, her arms crossed, with a look of intense worry on her face. He was pleased to see that she no longer had tears streaking her face, although her eyes were very red.

“Alex, I -”

“You don't need to say anything, Matt. Just relax. We can wait until the doctor comes in.”

“Right,” he said, disappointed. “Yeah, of course. It's just...”

“What is it?” she looked at him, and it cut him to see how crestfallen she looked, how worried.

Still only looking at her through his fingers, he raised his left hand into the air. “I just have to know – for sure – is this what I think it is?”

She took a deep breath and seemed to be trying to blink back a second wave of tears. “Yes, it is.”

He gulped. “And that?” he asked again, pointing to her ring finger.

Not even needing to look down to know what he was referring to, she merely nodded, giving him the barest hint of a watery smile as she pushed a stray lock of curls out of her face and behind her ear.

“Blimey.” He pressed both of his palms into his eyes, trying to block out the bright lights of the room so he could just _think_.

He was trying to come up with something else to say, something to make her feel better, when the door opened and a man in a white coat walked in, carrying a clipboard.

“Mr. Smith? Hello, I'm Doctor Thompson, I'll be taking care of you today.” He seemed friendly but professional. The look in his eyes seemed to show that he recognized him, even without having been told who the famous patient waiting for him was.

Matt mumbled a greeting and sat up slowly.

“And Mrs. Smith – or do you prefer Ms. Kingston?” he addressed Alex, who immediately shot a look in Matt's direction, taking in his dazed expression at the doctor's question.

“Just Alex, please,” she answered with a small smile that didn't reach her eyes.

“Right then,” Doctor Thompson said, and took a seat in one of the chairs near the examination table Matt was seated on, motioning for Alex to do the same. After a moment's hesitation, she did, sitting in the chair closest to Matt, but making sure to still keep her distance from him.

Now that everyone was seated comfortably and introduced, the doctor started speaking. “Now the nurse you spoke to explained that Mr. Smith here sustained a head injury last night and is now experiencing some memory problems. Is that correct?”

Alex answered in the affirmative while Matt could only nod vaguely, still not quite believing this was actually happening.

“All right now, Matt, do you remember getting hurt last night?” the doctor asked as he flipped through what looked like a medical chart. Matt hadn't filled any paperwork out. With a stroke of insight, he realized Alex must have while she was off talking to the nurses about admitting him. The idea that Alex knew enough personal information about him to fill out his medical chart filled him with a foreign feeling he couldn't quite identify.

“I – er – well,” he started, then stopped to clear his throat. “No, I don't. I really don't remember much at all about – well – I thought about just last night... but apparently it's been a bit... _longer_ than I realized,” he finished with a look towards Alex, realizing he no longer had any sense of time at all.

How much time had he lost? He and Alex had been together a while apparently, and not just together – they were married. _Married_. He shook his head to try and clear the haze of confusion and disbelief from his mind but stopped with a wince of pain. Probably not the best thing to be doing with a head injury.

“Easy there,” Thompson said with a start, “Don't want to be making things up there worse than they already are before we've even had a look.”

“Yeah, right, of course.” He rubbed his head gingerly and shrugged sheepishly. “But yeah, I... I really don't know how much time I've lost. Haven't a clue really.”

He supposed the only way to really find out would be to ask Alex, but the thought of asking her questions like this didn't sit well with him. She was sitting at his bedside, hands clutching the edge of her overly large and flowy shirt. She was looking at him but seemed to be avoiding his gaze, and he knew this had to be hurting her, knew she had to be terrified of what was happening and he hated himself just a bit for being the clumsy oaf who was putting her through this ordeal. “Alex? Erm... how long, exactly...?”

Finally she looked up, meeting his gaze. She looked back over at the doctor, seeing his nod of approval to answer his half-asked question, and met his eyes again, hesitating. “So you obviously don't remember... us,” she said quietly and he could see her attempting to keep her face neutral and her voice in check. “But you do remember _me_. And apparently you remember knowing me for a while?”

Seeing his hesitant nod, she then said, “So you probably remember filming your first series as the Doctor. How about series six? Do you remember any of that?” Her eyes were nearly boring into him, trying to foresee his answer before he gave it.

“Yeah,” he said, just a bit enthusiastically, happy to be able to recall something specific. “Filming in America, the pirate ship, River Song, Melody Pond, yeah I've got all that.” He didn't want to mention the insane amounts of flirting the two of them had engaged in during the course of filming that came to the forefront of his mind almost immediately.

“All right,” she said slowly, exhaling a breath of air. “Do you remember the finale, reading it, filming it?”

He wracked his brain trying to think. He had to. He was sure he did. _The Wedding of River Song_. He definitely remembered reading the script and thinking it was brilliant, remembered looking forward to the opportunity to flirt with Alex and the opportunity to kiss her again. But he couldn't come up with any memories of actually shooting the episode, which he assumes he must have. He frowned.

“No... I mean, yeah, I remember reading it – it was brilliant and I remember looking forward to shooting it... but no, I don't actually remember filming. Was it good?” he asked with a laugh, hoping to lighten the mood.

Alex gave a small, shaky laugh and nodded her head, “Yes, darling, it was very good.”

“So... er... how long ago was that?” he asked, fearing the answer. “Have we done series seven yet? I mean, I assume so because... well... you did say we've – er – been together a while, so -”

“Yeah,” she responded quietly, “series seven was a while ago.” She looked over to the doctor, then took a deep shuddering breath, and asked, “So, what do you think? Any chance that he'll... recover? I know head injuries are serious and you just never know exactly, but...?” She was biting her lip again and only looked back over at him briefly, keeping her focus on the doctor instead.

“Well, I want to take some scans, see exactly what's going on up there first,” Doctor Thompson replied neutrally, looking them both over carefully. “Make sure things don't get worse than they already are, make sure he's not in any immediate danger here, find out how bad the damage is. But generally speaking, amnesia cases can usually be recovered from in time. Both of you just try not to worry. We're going to take excellent care of you and find out exactly what we're dealing with here.”

With that, the actual medical exam began. Doctor Thompson inspected Matt's head and his eyes, asked specific questions about the actual accident and the events that occurred between it and this morning, which Alex answered while Matt did his best not to blush when she described, with only the minimal amount of detail, what had occurred when they got back to his flat that night. He was very grateful that she was looking at the doctor when she spoke, because he wasn't sure he could handle looking at her while she spoke about _them_ , feeling horrible that he couldn't remember any of it and being so unused to thinking about them in any capacity outside of his own dreams.

 

 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Several hours later, after being asked question after question about his life and world events, and having undergone several medical tests, brain scans, and even blood work, Matt was led by a nurse into the hallway outside what was to be his private room. She informed him that they wanted to keep him overnight at the very least, until they determined the extent on the damage. After telling him that Doctor Thompson would be in to speak with him shortly, the nurse bid him farewell and watched as he walked into the room.

He walked in to find Alex pacing the small room, talking into her mobile, one hand running messily through her curls.

“No, _Mausi_ , Matt's fine, he's _fine_... no, he just fell last night and he's having some problems with his head but the doctors say he's going to be just fine,” she said confidently. “He's probably going to get to come home tomorrow... no, I still want you to stay with Opa and Oma. We're probably going to be in London for a while. Matt's going to need time to rest and... start feeling like himself... and I don't want you missing school over this, the term has only just started.” She looked up and saw him standing there, just inside the room, and gave him a hesitant smile. “All right, Sal, I have to go now. I'll call you sometime tonight, okay? Yes, of course I'll tell him... I love you, too. Bye.”

She hung up and turned to face him. “Hi.”

“Hey.” He didn't know what else to say. What could he say?

“How are you feeling?” she asked and he noticed she was clenching her phone in both hands.

“Fine,” he said, then remembering how many times he'd assured her of just that this morning, corrected himself quickly. “I mean, I _feel_ fine, you know, but I-I know I'm... not. I mean, me head's still killing me, but they just gave me something, so that should be going away soon. But other than that, yeah, I feel all right.”

She just nodded at that, shooting him a tiny smile.

The room was awfully quiet. Never before had he had such difficulty talking to her; he'd always found it to be the most natural thing in the world. But sitting here in this stuffy, clinical hospital room, he felt completely at a loss as to what to say or what to do, and to be honest, he was still having trouble wrapping his mind around this whole mess.

He didn't know what he wanted. He wished he could just remember all the things he'd forgotten, wished he could go back to whenever all these lost memories started and experience it all again, wished that he'd actually woken up from a drunken one-night stand with her this morning, because then he could have at least made sense of that and worked to fix it. Right this second, more than anything, what he wanted was to just go over and wrap her in his arms and assure her everything was going to be fine because right now she looked lost and like she was trying to be strong and it just wasn't working.

Needing to say something and hoping to get some answers at the same time, he gathered up his courage. “Can I ask you something?”

Her head snapped up and he could see the tension on her face, noticing her hands had stopped fidgeting with her phone. “Yes, of course.”

“You know, I just spent the last several hours trying to come up with new ways to say the words 'I don't know' without sounding like a complete idiot, and before we determined that the memory loss started towards the end of filming series six. Now, as far as I can remember, that was around what? March? April, 2011?” he asked. After seeing her give a small nod, he continued. “Now what no one has mentioned is exactly how long ago that was. I don't even know how old I am. What year is it? How - how much have I missed exactly?”

Instead of answering, she turned her phone back on, which confused him. Was she trying to ignore the question? But no, because a few moments later she moved from where she'd been standing and walked towards him, holding it out for him to inspect before she spoke. She'd pulled up the calendar app and there, highlighted in blue, was the date. “It's September, 2015. The 26th, to be precise. You'll be 33 next month.”

“2015? Four years? Four and a _half_ years? Blimey! This is _mad_.” He wasn't really surprised by the length of time – he figured it had to be enough time for he and Alex to have had a whole relationship, complete with a wedding of some sort. But getting that confirmation, putting a number on how much of his life he'd missed, had a bit of a stunning effect on him.

Alex smiled sadly again. “That's one way to put it.”

They descended into silence for a few moments and Matt suddenly realized just how close to him she was standing – less than two feet, just far enough to hold her phone out for him to see clearly, and he felt his mouth dry instantly. They hadn't been this close or this alone since the silent car ride to the hospital. He searched his mind for something to say, hoping it would keep her near or at least speaking to him.

“So, how's the Poppet, then? Doing well?”

She looked a bit surprised that he'd spoken but the closest thing to a real smile he'd seen all day graced her face, so he took that as a good sign. Alex loved talking about her daughter. “Yeah, she's doing well, really well. She actually just moved here with... well, us, full-time a few weeks ago. She's going to school here and everything. And she demanded I tell you she hopes you feel better soon... and that she loves you.”

“Aw, tell her I said thanks. I'll call her tomorrow myself, reassure her I'm all right. And that's fantastic! About her being with you full-time, that is,” he beamed at her. He knew how much she hated being separated from Salome as much as she was, which is why she still lived in America despite finding more work opportunities here in the U.K., which meant -

“Hang on, but that means you live here? Full-time? Well, you must if Salome does, but I mean -”

She laughed. “Yes, darling, I live here, well, we do. Mostly. For the last six months or so at least.”

Right. They lived together. Of course. He knew that. He'd seen her come out of his closet with clothes of her own after all, and that serving tray he didn't recognize must have been something of hers she brought in, and that would explain why the curtains were arranged differently to let the sun in – hell they could have been entirely different curtains for all he'd noticed. And they were _married_ , so of _course_ they lived together.

“Right, of course, yeah,” he said trying to act like that tidbit didn't shake him. “That's - that's good. And it's good to hear Salome's doing... good. But... er... how about you, Kingston? How are you doing?” he asked her, hoping his face was making it clear he really wanted to know and not just hear a tripe old answer that told him nothing. “Is it – is it all right that I call you Kingston? I mean, I don't have to, I can call you something else if you prefer, since-”

“No, it's all right, darling,” she answered quickly and he could detect the faintest blush to her cheeks that made his heart speed up. “You still call me Kingston. And I still use it professionally, of course. And I'm fine. Really.”

“You don't have to lie, you know,” he told her quietly. He met her startled, accusatory eyes. “Come on, Alex, I may not remember having known you as long as you've known me or...” he cleared his throat awkwardly, “as well, but I do know when you're lying, and I can damn well tell when you're upset. It's all right to be, you know. Upset, scared. You can sure as hell bet I am.”

“Well, you've got a reason to be,” she told him quietly and he could tell he'd unnerved her. “Your whole life just changed in the blink of an eye from your perspective, not to mention the fact that you've got an undetermined amount of brain damage going on that we don't know the full ramifications of yet.”

“Well, yeah, I'm not gonna lie and say all of this isn't a lot to get used to, but that's not what scares me, not really,” he told her quietly, moving half a step closer to her and letting the rolling emotions he'd been feeling all day come rumbling out in his suddenly raspy voice. “What scares me is that the thought that I might never get my memories back, that I'll never remember the last four years of my life or our lives together, or any of what we've done together. That now that I only have the memories from before we got together, I'll never live up to the man you fell in love with and you'll get sick of dealing with stupid old me who can't even remember our first date, or the first time we made love, or even our bloody _wedding_!”

“Oh, Matt,”Alex said softly and there were definitely tears in her eyes again, “none of that matters, not really. I'm just happy you're all right. This could have been so much worse than it is, even now. A head injury like this, _Matt_ – you could have _died_!”

“But I didn't, Alex, I'm here, I'm alive, and I promise you, I'm gonna do my damnedest to fix this. I'm not going anywhere,” he said, his voice rough as he stared at her, beautiful, even in such a state of sadness and worry.

At that, she closed the small distance between them and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him down and burying her face in his neck as he brought his arms up to wrap around her waist tightly, surprised but happy to be able to hold her like this.

She was warm and smelled of honey and flowers and a scent that was just so uniquely Alex. He remembers holding her close during scenes on set, and they'd hugged a few times off set while spending time together, but never like this, with her body flush up against his, gripping tight around his neck as he rested his cheek against her golden curls, just relishing in the feel of her in his arms, where it felt, just for this small stretch of time, that everything really was going to be just fine. They must have done this a thousand times before, but this sort of hug - part tenderness, part desperation, and completely filled with love – was a first for him, and he swore to himself right then and there to never take one of these moments for granted.

They were still standing there in each other's embrace a couple of minutes later when there was a knock on the door. Pulling apart slowly, they turned to find Doctor Thompson standing just inside the room, looking only the tiniest bit sheepish about interrupting them. “So, how are you feeling, Matt?”

Matt cleared his throat, removing the lump that had formed there during his moment with Alex, sparing her a look as she tried to wipe her eyes as discreetly as possible, before answering. “I'm feeling all right. The headache's finally starting to fade, which is definitely good.”

“Good, very good,” the doctor said brightly as he walked fully into the room and pulled up a chair. “Why don't you to take a seat while we go over some of these results,” he said, tapping the thick folder in his hand.

Matt and Alex sat, both of them in chairs and actually next to each other this time. Alex placed her hands in her lap to listen, but Matt, feeling more confident than ever, reached over and grabbed hold of her closest hand, grasping it tightly and smiling reassuringly at her. Surprised only for a moment, she soon smiled back and squeezed his hand.

Doctor Thompson was pulling pieces of paper out of the folder and making short notes as he shuffled quickly through them. He then looked up to address the two of them directly. “So, I've gone over the results of the CAT scan and MRI we performed, as well as the other tests we ran today, and it looks like you've sustained a moderate concussion and a good deal of damage to your medial temporal lobe, on the right side of course, which obviously explains the pronounced swelling in the area,” he told them confidently, pulling out the scans marked with a circle to show them exactly what he was talking about.

It was quite strange looking at pictures of the inside of his own head. He'd had a couple of light concussions throughout the course of his football and acting careers, but never anything severe enough to warrant getting his brain scanned for damage.

“Now, it's not an insignificant amount of damage, obviously, or you wouldn't be having the memory problems you're having now. Or the pain, for that matter, so many hours after. And this area of the brain is one of the spots that, when damaged, can cause Retrograde Amnesia, which is what you seem to have. Now, what that means is that you remember everything that happened _after_ the accident – for you it took the next several hours before you went to sleep, but you remember waking up this morning, for instance, without any resetting – but you've lost memories from _before_ , the last several years in this case.”

He looked at them, making sure to get their acknowledgement that they understood so far, allowing him to continue.

“Also, obviously, you don't have Transient Amnesia, which is more the stereotypical type of amnesia which appears in all the films – you know who you are, you remember your childhood, you can recall names, places, dates, faces, and facts from the vast majority of your life. You've lost a relatively small portion of your life,” he said, then continued with a look at the two of them, hands grasped together, “obviously an important part of your life, but _medically_ speaking, that's a good thing.”

“So,” Matt spoke up, wanting to just get the most important question answered, “you think I'll be able to recover?”

“Oh, yes, most likely.” Doctor Thompson said brightly. “Most types of amnesia are reversible with time. I mean, the worse the injury, the more those chances decline, but the bruising and swelling to your brain isn't as bad as it could have been. I'd say your chances are pretty good. Now, that's not a guarantee, and I can't tell you how long it'll take – a few days, weeks, months - years even. But in time, everything _should_ come back to you, either in bits and pieces – like the snippets you retained from last night, which is very good – or all at once. It really depends.

“The best thing you can do is to make sure to get plenty of rest, especially over the next few days, and try to reacquaint yourself with your old life. Talk to people, listen to stories, _tell_ stories, look at pictures and videos and maybe some of your work – from before and after the period of memory loss. Anything can help and you never know what will spark a memory.”

After a few more questions, Doctor Thompson reiterated that he wanted Matt to stay the night so they could monitor the swelling in his brain to make sure it didn't get any worse, which is pretty much what he'd been told by the nurse earlier and had heard Alex telling Salome on the phone, so that didn't come as a surprise.

After a few more minutes, Doctor Thompson excused himself, telling Matt in no uncertain terms that he should be resting, that an early night would be a good idea, and that a nurse would be in shortly to see if they needed anything, promising to check back himself later in the evening.

Once the doctor was gone, with the door shut behind him, Matt leaned back in his chair, hands clasped behind his neck as he let out low, long whistle. “All right, so... good news, yeah?” he said, looking over to Alex.

She stood up slowly, taking the single step necessary to reach his side as she laid her hand on his arm. “Definitely good news, darling. Now, come on, let's get you into bed.”

He froze, a slight blush heating his cheeks. He knew what she meant of course, but knowing that even just yesterday, those words would have (and apparently did) have a very different connotation, made his mind race. But he just couldn't help teasing her, participating in the kind of flirtation even he could remember engaging in with her.

“Right here in the hospital? My God, woman, you can't go a full day without having your wicked way with me, can you?” he joked, shooting her a scandalized look as she slapped his arm, laughing a full, sparkling laugh that he'd missed today, and pulled him up out of his chair, dragging him towards the hospital bed.

“Well, I don't know, darling, I guess you're just going to have to wait and find out,” she flirted back, then, giving as good as she got, continued as she pushed him to sit down on the bed, “I may not be able to make it through the night in this room without molesting you.”

Matt gulped as he felt his blood pressure rise and his hospital-issued trousers start to tighten at the thought. He looked down at his lap, then looked back up quickly, hoping she hadn't noticed anything. Looking back at her now, he wanted desperately to continue the flirting. The flirting he was used to, he could handle that no problem, it was business as usual when it came to the two of them. But then he realized what exactly she'd said.

“You – er – you don't have to stay the night here, you know,” he told her, as he turned around and slid up to the head of the bed, resting his back against the stiff pillows and pulling the covers up over his lap.”You can head back home. My flat, that is. I mean – er – _our_ flat. Right? We do live there, right? Or do we actually live somewhere else?” He'd meant to reassure her she didn't have to stay in the cold, stark room they were currently in, but instead all he seemed to do was tire his mind out with his questions and confusion.

“Silly man. I'm not going anywhere tonight,” she said gently, sitting in the chair right next to his bed as he turned on his side to face her. “And no, to answer your tirade of questions, we don't live in the flat, we just keep it for when one of us is working in London or we want to get away for the weekend. We have a house in Surrey, near my parents and sisters.”

“We have a house?”

“Of course we have a house, where exactly did you expect us to live?” she asked with with a fond smile.

“I dunno... just can't imagine myself – imagine _us_ – with a house.” he said, with his eyes unfocused as he tried to picture it. He just couldn't. “Tell me about it.”

“What?”

“The house, Kingston, our house. Describe it for me.”

She shook her head wistfully, “You heard Doctor Thompson, Matt. You should be resting, sleeping really.”

“It's still early! Still daylight, even!” he protested.

“Yes, and you're recovering from a rather serious concussion, on top of the fact that you only got a few hours of sleep last night and have been run ragged today,” she scolded him lightly. “You should close your eyes, just for a bit. Your parents are on their way – I called them just before I called Salome, but they were away visiting friends this weekend, so it's gonna take them a bit longer to get here than usual. Sleep until they get here at least.”

His parents. He'd barely even spared them a thought all day today. His sister either, for that matter. It was strange to think of them being here, around him and Alex, when everything, for him at least, was still so new and tenuous, but he couldn't deny he was looking forward to seeing them.

“I'll make you a deal then, Kingston,” he told her. “I'll shut my eyes for a while if you tell me about our house.”

“Matt...”

“Please, Alex? I'll shut my eyes and you stop when I've fallen asleep,” he pleaded and put on his best begging face. “Come, on the doctor said hearing about my life could help bring my memories back. You never know, I could wake up in a couple hours completely back to normal all because you told me about the pattern of the curtains in the dining room.”

She sighed impatiently, but fondly, and he grinned. “Fine, but if you're not sleeping in ten minutes, I'm shutting up, shutting the lights, and ignoring you until you tire yourself out being pitiful. Deal?”

“Deal!” he laughed as he snuggled into the bed, still laying on his side to face her, and grabbed her hand, shutting his eyes happily. “Come on Kingston, use your magic voice to enlighten and lull me to sleep.”

She laughed softly and started to talk gently, clutching his hand as his face relaxed in contentment and watching as he drifted off into sleep.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I know I said this would be up on Wednesday, but life got a bit busy and this chapter gave me just a bit more trouble than I was expecting. But here it is and I hope you enjoy! And again, thanks so much to everyone who's been showing their support, here and on tumblr. It means a lot and has been a big motivation in getting these chapters out as quickly as possible. The next chapter will probably be a little bit though - probably about a week, hopefully - because the next few days are going to be pretty hectic.

Matt's parents arrived two hours later and spent the next few hours crowded in his room, hovering over him. Having them there instilled a sense of normalcy to an otherwise utterly mad day. His mum fussed over his covers and made sure he ate, and his dad commandeered the remote for the television on the wall, flipping through channels until he found a football match for them to watch. After a while, as the two of them sat engrossed in the game, Alex and his mum (who seemed to get along swimmingly, he was pleased to note) left to get tea and most likely talk between themselves without he and his dad listening in.

A few minutes after they left the room, during which he could feels his father's eyes on him, his dad cleared his throat, causing Matt to look back at him. He saw that he was sat with his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned back against his chair. Nonchalantly, he said, “So, how're you feeling son?”

Matt stole another glance at the television. “Told you already, I'm fine. They should be letting me out tomorrow.”

“Yes, and that's great, but that's not what I meant.”

Matt shifted against his pillows uncomfortably. “I'm fine. Really. I mean, it's weird – good weird, honestly – but still a bit...  _ strange _ . Surreal. But I'm fine, honestly.”

“Yeah?” his dad asked, his eyebrows raised. “So you're not... feeling a bit panicked?”

Matt scoffed. “Panicked? Over what? What do I have to feel panicked about?”

“Well, I dunno,” his dad said thoughtfully as he looked over to watch the match again. “If it were me and four years of my life went missing, and I woke up to a wife I didn't know -”

“I know her!” Matt exclaimed indignantly.

“Yes, of course, but you don't know her like  _ this _ . All I'm saying is that's if you're feeling overwhelmed by all of this, there's no one that wouldn't understand. So if you need to talk, then talk. You've got your mother and I, your sister, your friends... and Alex,” his dad explained. “And you  _ should _ talk to her, because let me tell you, that woman is terrified of what's happened here and what could happen going forward, and she's doing her damnedest to hide that.”

“I know,” Matt exhaled, running his hand messily through his hair, catching it this time on the sore spot and winced. “We have talked, a bit. I told her I wasn't going anywhere. I don't know if she really believes me, I hope she does... but she's  _ Alex _ and I know the chances of that are low.”

“You two will figure it out, memories or no memories, you just have to give it time. You've been mad about her since you met, you never shut up about her, even before you ever got together, so I  _ know _ you remember that part. If anyone can stick something like this out, it's the two of you.”

“Thanks Dad. That – that means a lot,” Matt said quietly. He looked back over at the match, watching the game with only partial concentration, lost in thought. After another minute, he could hear the sound of his mother and Alex chatting and they walked back towards the room.

His parents stayed a while longer, right up until the nurses had to throw them out. Before that time came, his dad didn't say much else but his mum continued to fuss over him, asking if he needed anything, fluffing his pillows, and at his prompting, filling him in on what the two of them and Laura had been doing over the last several years.

As they were leaving, his mum spent way too long hugging him, making him promise to call when he got home the next day. Once he finally got her to release him, his dad came over and gave him a quick hug and a pat on the shoulder as his mum hugged Alex.

“Now, you take care of my baby, Alex, all right?”

“Oh, Lynne, you know I will,” Alex murmured into into his mother's shoulder, embracing her tightly.

“And don't you let him be an idiot, because we all know he's more than capable of it,” his mum told her, shooting him a pointed look over Alex's shoulder.

Alex laughed. “I will definitely keep that in mind.”

After that exchange, he got one last hug from his mum before they were shooed from the room by the nurses, leaving him and Alex alone once more.

“So... that was nice, wasn't it?” Alex asked brightly, crossing the room to the camp bed the hospital staff had rolled in that afternoon for her to sleep on, sitting on the edge of it.

“Yeah. Real nice. It was good to see them. It's great that you seem to... get on with them so well.”

“Yes, well, they're very kind people, as you know. They've...well... welcomed me into the family with open arms.”

He grinned. “That's great! I always knew they would love you!”

Alex smiled “Oh, you did, did you?” she teased.

He realized exactly what he'd admitted to and flushed. “Oh, you know what I mean.”

She chuckled lightly and after a moment, he followed suit.

“So... can I ask you something? Again?” he asked her once the laughter had settled.

“Of course, darling.”

His fingers were playing with the frayed edges of his blanket as he asked, “So how long have we been together, exactly? I just realized I haven't even asked yet.”

Alex looked at him a bit wistfully before answering. “Not long after the point when you lost you memories, right after filming  _ The Wedding of River Song _ .”

“Of course,” he laughed bitterly. “So if I could remember just a few more weeks, I'd remember us and this wouldn't all feel so strange.”

“It's all right that it feels strange, Matt,” she told him quietly and he couldn't help noticing just how sad she looked. “I couldn't imagine how I'd be feeling if I were in your situation right now. I can guarantee I wouldn't have been reacting nearly as calmly as you've been today.”

She took a deep breath and schooled her features into those of nonchalance before continuing. “And I'd understand, you know, if you needed some time. I can head back home to Salome, if you want to stay in London on your own for a while, get -”

“No!” he said quickly, surprised by the strength of the word as it came out of his mouth. “No, Alex, I - I don't want that. I mean, if you want to get back to Salome, that's fine, but I'd want to go with you.”

Alex seemed to be trying to blink back tears. “Are you sure, Matt? Because I meant it when I said I don't mind, really. This is a big change you for to deal with and _we_ aren't the only thing that's changed in the last four years. Your career, for one -”

“I don't care about any of that,” he told her, sitting up in the bed to face her more directly. “I know this might be hard for you to understand, because I'm not the same man I was yesterday, not  _ really _ , because I haven't experienced any of  _ this _ with you and I don't have a clue as to what's been going on in our lives, but I want this, Alex.”

“You don't know that, darling,” she said as the first tear fell down her cheek. “Yesterday you did, but today – you just  _ think _ you do, or you think you  _ should _ , I don't know, but you can't know that this is what you want, not right now, not without any of the experiences that led you here in the first place.”

He shook his head defiantly. “This is what I've  _ always _ wanted, Alex. From the very first day, I wanted this. Maybe I hadn't really let myself think so far ahead, with a house and - and  _ married _ , but that's just because I never thought you'd give me the time of day.”

“You're ridiculous, you know,” she said quietly and gave a short sniffle, looking at the ground.

“I think I've been called that a few times before,” he laughed gently. “Come on, Kingston, you promised me mum you'd take care of me, you can't just leave me in the city all on my own with brain damage now, can you?” he pouted.

“Yes, well I also promised your mum I wouldn't let you act like an idiot and see how that's turning out, hmm?”

“Kingston, you wound me!” he cried, clutching his chest in mock agony.

“Yes, well unfortunately that's not the wound causing all this trouble right now, is it? I think you'll live,” she chuckled weakly as she stood up and walked closer to him. “Speaking of which, it's late, you should get some more rest. Lie down properly and at least close your eyes.”

“Oi, now you're  _ acting _ like me mum,” he said, pushing her hands away with a laugh as she tried to rearrange the pillows behind his back.

“Now, are you sure you're comfortable comparing me to your mother?” she said archly with a hand on her hip.

He swallowed heavily. The way she was standing, the overly large, hippie-ish shirt she was wearing somehow managed to accentuate her curves extremely well. Curves that just this morning had been pressed against his own bare flesh. He felt his body heating up. No, he definitely didn't want to compare her to his mum. “Er... no. I think that would be a phenomenally bad idea for my mental health,” he rasped out with a shudder and she laughed at him, swatting his arm playfully as he finally allowed her to fix the pillows.

He slid down to a more comfortable sleeping position and she pulled the blanket up over him. “Are you, tucking me in, Kingston?” he asked with a smirk.

“Oh, hush you and go to sleep. Or they may decide to keep you another day.”

“All right, all right, I'm going,” he said with his arms raised in retreat. “I just have another question first.”

She sighed. “Yes, what is it?”

“Are you going to sleep as well, or are you going to stay up and watch me?” he asked with a smirk.

“Well, I don't know, dear, you're just so irresistible, I don't think I'll be able to look away,” she laughed as she walked away from him and shut the light by the door. He could then make out her shape as she walked the few feet across the darkened room to her cot and lowered herself down onto it, lying on her side to face him.

“Alex? One more thing...”

“Yes, Matthew?” he could hear the fond impatience in her voice and smiled to himself.

“If you have any desire to... what'd you call it earlier? 'Molest me' at any point in the night, feel free. I swear, I don't mind.” He laughed and felt his heart lighten as she laughed along with him.

“Goodnight, Matt.” 

“Night, Alex.”

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


The next morning went by relatively quickly. They had him up early to perform another round of tests and once that was done, he really only had to wait for Doctor Thompson to review the results. However, by the time the doctor determined that Matt's progress didn't seem to be deteriorating in any way, giving him the all clear to check out with just a few instructions, Matt was more than ready to get out of the hospital. He'd only been there twenty-four hours, but it felt like a lifetime.

The thought of heading home with Alex, however, filled his stomach with nerves. Once they got to... wherever they were going, be it the flat or this house they apparently owned, that was it. He would no longer have the hospital setting and staff to act as a buffer against awkward conversation or actions. He was going home with Alex, back to the life they had built for themselves. He didn't really know what that entailed but he was both terrified and eager to find out.

“Ready to go?” Alex's voice startled him from his thoughts.

“Hell, yes,” he muttered, jumping to his feet from the bed quickly. He looked around quickly to make sure they weren't leaving anything behind, but he was back in the clothes he'd checked himself in with and they had left the flat so quickly the morning before that the only thing he had had with him was his wallet. He hadn't even brought his phone, and all Alex had brought was her bag, which was slung securely over her shoulder.

“No need to look so sad about leaving, darling, we'll be back in a couple of weeks for a follow up visit,” she teased him as he strode forward, grabbing her hand and pulling her out the door.

Five minutes later, they were sitting in Alex's car, pulling out onto the road. Still, Matt didn't even know where they were going. He hadn't asked and she hadn't mentioned it, but after just a few minutes of sitting in silence and watching her drive, he noticed the route was the the one that led back to the London flat, not Surrey.

“So, back to the flat then?” he asked, mildly surprised.

She took her eyes off the road briefly to glance at him. “Well, we weren't supposed to go back until tonight anyway... and I think it's better if you spend some time somewhere more familiar before jumping back into everything all at once.”

“I thought you wanted to get back to Salome?”

“Well, of course I do,” she answered calmly, “I never like being away from her for long, and she did just move in, but she'll be all right with my parents for a while. I think it's best if you ease back into normal life for a bit and I'm not sure saddling you with a stepdaughter so quickly would be for the best.”

On the outside, he just nodded. On the inside, however, he laughed silently to himself. They'd spoken of Salome briefly yesterday, of course, but he hadn't exactly realized she was now his stepdaughter. He'd always adored the little girl and had made a special effort to create a bond between the two of them, only partly to get Alex to consider him. He'd always loved kids and had always assumed he'd have some of his own, some day in the distant future. Being with Alex, he'd always known, would make that a not-so-viable option. He can't say he'd ever given the topic great amounts of thought, never believing he would ever actually find himself in the situation or wanting to think about that particular topic when he had been so unsettled in his personal life, but he was all right with that. Alex was enough for him, and Salome was an added bonus. He'd always gotten on really well with the girl, and from what he'd heard of Alex' conversation with her the day before, he assumed they retained a good relationship. If being her stepfather was all he could have, he could be more than satisfied with that.

“And I haven't told her exactly what's going on with you yet,” Alex's voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Why not?” he asked, surprised.

“When I first called her,” she started, hands gripping the wheel tightly as she looked at the road ahead as she drove, “I was still rather foolishly hoping this would be something that would go away quickly, or that you were playing some mad, extremely unfunny joke on me, in which case I would have killed you with my bare hands before she ever needed to find out. And I couldn't bring myself to tell her when I called back last night. I suppose I'll tell her today.”

“Yeah, I mean we're gonna have to go back sooner or later, right?” he asked nonchalantly. “I mean you can't leave her with your parents forever, and no matter how much I wish I could, I somehow doubt I'm gonna be remembering everything in the next few days. It'll be a bit of a shock to her if we go back without letting her know, only for her to watch me stumbling around, lost, because I've forgotten where the loo is.”

She laughed, which made some of the nervousness he was carrying within dissipate just a bit. They passed the rest of the car ride in relative silence, making only the occasional bit of small talk as they drove. When they finally arrived back at the flat, Matt actually breathed a sigh of relief. He would have been fine going to their house, would have enjoyed it actually, but being back here, the closest place he'd had to calling home in several years, helped to put him at ease in a way he hadn't been expecting. At least here he knew where he was. Since his keys also weren't something he'd thought to bring with him in his post-sleep and shock-addled brain the day before, he stood beside and followed as Alex let them first into the building and then through to the flat. Alex walked in first and then stood aside as he followed her, shutting the door behind him.

Which is when the knot in his stomach made an abrupt return. He was alone with Alex. Really, properly alone with her for the first time since yesterday morning when they'd been curled up in bed together. They were alone and in his flat – which was now theirs, of course, but his brain was still adjusting to the sudden change in terms – and she was his  _ wife _ . He was her  _ husband _ . There were over four years of memories lost to him and he hadn't felt it nearly as much as he did now, standing here in front of her in a place they had surely spent a lot of time together.

He wanted his memories back. He wanted to be able to remember. He was absolutely determined to make that happen and as soon as possible. If he had to ask her to tell him story after story, filled to the brim with details, for weeks or months on end he would do it. Even if he never actually remembered, maybe if he heard enough about the time lost to him, it would feel like he did.

In the here and now, however, he was standing here in his sitting room, looking at Alex as she stood there watching him watch her with a slightly worried look on her face. He wanted to say something, but he was absolutely clueless as to what. He didn't know where to go or what to do from here. Should he reassure her all would be fine? Should he crack a joke? Should he give her space? He didn't know, so instead he simply hooked his hands into his pockets and rocked on his heels. “So...”

Glancing at him more cautiously, she responds in kind. “So...”

With that brilliant line of conversation exhausted, he furrowed his brow, disappointed in himself. After a moment of trying to come up with something else to say to break the awfully awkward silence, he was surprised to hear her speak again.

“Are you hungry?” she asked him suddenly, her voice overly bright as she pushed off from the wall she was leaning on. “Because I have to say, I'm famished. I didn't have much last night and I'm pretty sure neither of us ate this morning.”

“Er - well, I - I guess so, yeah.” he answered her, slightly dazed by the randomness of the question. “What do you -”

“Oh, I think we'll just get take away, something simple. How does pizza sound to you, darling?”

“Yeah, yeah pizza's fine -”

“Perfect, you stay here and I'll go order, how's that?”

Before he could even reply, she'd flown away into the kitchen. It was only a room away, but with the more than hasty retreat she'd just made, it felt like an ocean stood between them.

Deciding to have a look around while he waited for her to return, he looked more closely around the room, taking everything in. It was the same as they'd left it yesterday, in the mad rush to get his head checked. But there were definitely differences from the flat he remembered it being previously, now that he was able to focus and actually notice. The couch close to the door was the same as he remembered, with the same scuff marks on the leather arm from when an intoxicated Karen had been sprawled over it and swung her boot-clad feet wildly while laughing hysterically at some joke Arthur had been telling. The television looked the same. The same beige paint adorned the walls.

There were small differences, however. The end table in the corner with the vase of flowers on top. The gardening magazine on the coffee table, the pair of heels lying haphazardly in the middle of the room (his stomach somersaulted as he thought about how they were probably from the other night, discarded mindlessly as the two of them made their way to the bedroom), and the photo collage on the wall.

He walked closer to inspect the last find. It was a collection of smaller photos of he and Alex and some of Salome. He wanted to immerse himself in each one, taking in the details to his forgotten life from them, but was distracted by the large picture right in the center.

It was a large print of he and Alex on what was obviously their wedding day. His breath caught in his chest as he looked at it. She was wearing an intricately embroidered, floor-length champagne-colored gown with a matching sash across her waist and a large bow sitting on her hip. Matt stood next to her, wearing a simple black tux with a black bow tie and wearing a waistcoat matching the color of Alex's dress. They were standing pressed together, her hands up around his neck and his clasped firmly around her waist but they were both grinning at the camera, eyes bright, with her head resting on his chest and his on top of her curls.

He stared at the picture, a tightness forming in his chest. They looked happy. No, they looked more than happy. They looked ecstatic and completely in love. Matt couldn't think of a time in his life where he remembered being as happy as he looked in this picture, with his grin so wide his face nearly looked about to break. Alex was no worse, the one cheek she had visible red with laughter and happiness and her smile almost too joyful to be allowed.

This is what he wanted to remember. Happiness like this shouldn't be allowed to be forgotten, and it only made him angry with himself. If there had been any doubt in his mind about the validity of what was happening around him over the last twenty-four hours, this erased it. It had occurred to him briefly, as it had with Alex apparently, that this was some sort of insane and elaborate practical joke on her part meant to drive him mad, but this was definitive proof. This was a moment in his life that was depicted in photographic evidence, showing him doing something he knew he couldn't remember doing.

Hope welled up in his chest that this was what he could have again. If his bloody head would only start working properly, he could go back to being this happy with Alex, instead of having awkward silence and stilted conversation between them for the first time since they'd met, broken only by the occasional flirty joke. He stood staring at it a minute longer, transfixed by the scene in front of him, wracking his mind for any wisp of memory of it at all, without any luck. He recognized his face but it was almost like looking at a picture of someone else, with nothing but the faces to connect it to his life at all. But God, did he want to.

“You very nearly lost the rings that morning, you know,” Alex's voice startled him out of his thoughts, making him jump. She was standing right behind him, a calm, almost serene expression on her face as she watched him.

Quickly taking in her words, he pouts. “I didn't!”

“Oh, you definitely did,” she laughed, crossing her arms across her chest. “Woke up in your friend Harry's flat, hungover, and when he asked you for the rings so he could keep a hold of them until the ceremony, you realized you had no idea where you'd put them.”

He groaned but grinned back at her. “Oh, come on, there couldn't just be one day where I don't make a prat of myself? Here I am hoping that I'd been very, very cool that day.”

“Not nearly, darling,” she said as a fond smile crossed her face. “In fact, after finding the rings in the pocket of your tux, and arriving at the venue, you were so nervous you crashed into the officiant's podium and only barely managed to catch it before it went crashing to the ground in the middle of the ceremony.”

“You're just kidding, right?” he asked her pitifully.

She was biting her lip to hold her laughter back and only shook her head wildly, causing her hair to whip around her head spectacularly. “I think the reason you're so happy in that picture is that you actually managed to not knock  _ me _ down throughout the course of the day.”

Matt looked at her and quietly, and just a touch sheepishly, said, “I dunno... somehow, I doubt that's the only reason.”

Alex sobered at that. “Yes, well...” she didn't seem to know how to respond to that. Changing the subject, she grabbed his shoulder and turned him towards the couch. “Why don't we sit down while we wait for lunch?”

Dutifully, he followed her and sat down, turning to face her as she sat on the far end of the sofa.

“So,” she said slowly, “do you want to... talk? Ask questions? I don't really know how to go about doing this or what would help the most.”

“Yeah, of course I want to!” he told her eagerly. “I mean, I don't really know how to start either, but the doctor said stories and pictures would help... do we have pictures? I mean more, besides the ones hanging on the walls?”

She shook her head. “We keep pretty much everything at home. We're not here very often anymore. I suppose that will have to wait until we go back.”

“Okay then,” he said thoughtfully, “then how about we just talk. I ask questions, you answer and supply anything you can think of along the way?”

“All right. Sounds easy enough, I guess. Ask away, darling.” She settled herself more comfortably on the sofa, back to the arm and legs pulled up in front of her chest, her wrists resting atop her knees.

Mimicking her position, because it was comfortable and seemed the best way for them to stay looking at each other while both were seated on the same sofa, Matt considered what to ask first. The obvious thing was to start at the beginning, ask how they got together, but he wasn't sure if that would be too much, too soon. Maybe start with something simpler or less reminiscent of the current problem.

“Am I still the Doctor? I always planned on leaving before now, maybe going to America, but I dunno, maybe I stuck around longer if we're still in England, yeah?”

She seemed to find his rambling endearing, smiling to herself with her eyes sparkling. “No, you're no longer playing the Doctor. You regenerated almost two years ago now, at Christmas. I still go back on occasion and it's lovely but... not quite the same.”

“You miss me on set, Kingston?” he asked smugly, a grin spreading across his face at the thought.

“Well, that and the new Doctor is very sexy. I'm just not used to having so much sexual chemistry with my coworkers,” she joked, then laughed at the look of faux-hurt on his face before he joined her in laughter.

When it was quiet again for a moment, Matt reflected on the time he remembered with her, flirting on set. Filming was always rewarding, if not always easy, but the days he got to have Alex on set with him had always been his favorites, right from the start. He'd be doing his best to subtly make her notice him, doing his best job at flirting with her, and she'd always out-flirt him, going so far as to make even him blush on several occasions. He wondered if she had been doing the same as he had that whole time or if her feelings for him had come later.

“So, I have to ask, how exactly did we... er... get together? I know you said after filming the series six finale, but  _ how _ ?” he asked her eagerly.

“Well, I guess it wasn't all that different from what you had assumed was happening yesterday,” she said, looking at him cautiously.

“What? We got drunk and shagged?” he asked, hoping against hope that that wasn't the case. The only good thing about realizing his mistake yesterday was that it meant that that very thing  _ hadn't _ happened, and that the story of their actual coupling would have been more, well,  _ romantic _ . Or at least sober.

“Well, not exactly, but close enough,” she laughed. “The flirting and innuendo between us had been reaching record limits during the filming of that finale, and after it was all completed, the whole cast and crew went out for drinks to celebrate. We'd both had a fair bit to drink but I wouldn't really classify either of us as  _ drunk _ . 

“Anyway, after you spent most of the evening staring at me over your beer, I decided to leave a bit early and avoid the mass exodus after last call. You announced you were as well and we got in the same cab. Once we reached the block of flats we stayed in, we got out and you walked with me to my door, where we were just talking for a few moments. Next thing I know, you're kissing me... and I was kissing you back,” she finished, her cheeks flushing a bit as she avoided his gaze, preferring to stare into her upturned, empty palms.

It was certainly similar to what he'd thought had happened the other night, but hearing it that way it didn't sound quite so bad. At least he hadn't been completely drunk off his arse. He felt a faint smile ghost upon his lips. “And then?”

“And then I pulled you inside and snogged you some more until we fell into my bed,” she said, still blushing and looking down but with more assurance and confidence in her voice. “When it was all over and you were drifting off to sleep, I tried to get up and leave, figuring that it was going to be a one-night thing, that it  _ should _ be, just something to release the tension that had been building between us for so long, but then I remembered that we were in  _ my _ flat and I really couldn't do that.”

Matt laughed lightly as he tried to picture Alex attempting to sneak out of her own flat, willing his brain to come up with scraps of memory, but all he could see were pictures from yesterday morning and the few, brief glimpses he's retained from the night before juxtaposed over her story.

“So I had to stay and  _ you _ certainly weren't leaving, so... we talked. You said you had been working up the courage to make a move for ages and wanted to be with me. I said you were mad. You asked me why the two of us being together was mad and I listed all the reasons in the book – the age difference, Salome, the fact that you hadn't been broken up with Daisy a terribly long time, your career, my career, the press, and the fact that we lived an ocean apart most of the year. Not to mention that we didn't know how Steven would take the news. 

“And you said none of that mattered. That we could make it work. That we'd never be able to forgive ourselves if we didn't at least try having a go at it... that now that you finally had me in your arms, you couldn't bear to let me go.” Her voice was shaking a bit, and he could see her eyes filling up with tears she refused to shed. “And I realized that despite how crazy it was, how ridiculous, how the press would have a field day, and how unlikely it was to work out, that I didn't want to let go of you either.”

Matt reached his hand forward, bridging the gap between them to wrap them around hers, grasping tightly. “That's pretty much what I was trying to say yesterday, when I thought you were going to, I dunno, let me down or leave or whatever. “

“Matt...”

“No, Alex, please, just listen a minute,” he begged her quietly, “I know what's happening is absolutely crazy and I know you're scared that this life we've been building together is gonna come crumbling down on top of you because you think now that I can't remember any of it, I'm gonna lose interest and leave or something. But that's not gonna happen. What I was trying to say yesterday is exactly what I already said at the actual beginning of our relationship... and it seemed to work out great the first go round.

“So just... try to have a little faith and try not to be so scared, because I'm gonna do everything I can to make this work. I'm gonna do everything I can to get my memories back and if that never happens, I'm gonna look at so many pictures and videos and listen to so many stories from everyone willing to tell them until I can almost remember from that alone.”

She was smiling gently as she squeezed his hands. “I know, darling, I do. It's just that trusting in this sort of thing isn't something that comes easily, even after all these years. It's just going to take some time, I guess.”

“I can live with that. Just try not to forget that I'm not being forced into anything here. I  _ want _ this, really.”

She paused for a moment and then could only nod in response. Pleased with how that had turned out, he asked his next question. “So, we got together in April of 2011. So that's four and a half years. How long have we been married, then?”

“A little over a year,” she said softly, stroking his hand with her thumb as she spoke. “You proposed on set, the day you filmed your regeneration, and we were married in July, nine months later.”

“A year, huh? That's not very long. We're still mostly newlyweds, then, right?” he grinned wolfishly at her, thinking about how newlyweds always seemed to be all over each other like rabbits and trying to imagine, not for the first time since yesterday, what it would be like to actually be with her, to have her under him, or over him, or anywhere really as long as she was wrapped around him as they moved together, and for him to actually be able to remember it. He felt his trousers getting uncomfortably tight and he stiffly shifted his legs closer together hide the bulge that would likely be visible between his outstretched and open knees.

Seeing the small smirk playing across her face, he wasn't sure if she'd actually seen the cause of his distress or simply suspected it. “Well, some of us more than others obviously, darling.”

Before she could follow that up with anything else clever or he could think of a way to respond, there was a knock at the door, announcing the arrival of the food. Alex reached quickly for her bag on the coffee table and got up to pay the delivery boy.

Matt got up and dashed quickly to the kitchen to grab plates and bottles of water, and when he got back, Alex was placing the pizza box on the table. Even after the distraction of the food's arrival, there was still enough tightness in his groin to warrant him walking a bit stiffly around the back of the couch to take his seat before she turned around from serving slices onto the plates. When she did, he was back to sitting in his previous position and thanked her as she handed him his plate. Once they were both sitting comfortably, more or less, and starting in on their meal, he wanted to get the topic of conversation back onto a lighter topic for the time being, unsure of how much serious talk she'd be able to handle, or himself either, for that matter.

“So,” he said after taking a larger-than-necessary bite out of his pizza, “tell me about this new bloke they got to replace me? Who'd the Moff get to take my place? And whoever it is, please tell me that despite however sexy he may be, that I'm still your favorite,” he said with a grin and settled in as she started telling him all about the new Doctor and the directions the show had taken since he left.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really, truly horrible at describing any kind of fashion, especially those to do with weddings. So I kind of just looked at pictures on goole for a while until I found something that didn't look horrible to have Alex wear. YMMV obviously. But in case anyone's actually interested in, this is pretty much what I had in mind when I described Alex's dress: http://web.archive.org/web/20140804005631/http://hendcyber.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Mature-Wedding-Dresses.jpg


	4. Chapter 4

During the next few hours, as they ate and sat together, they moved incrementally closer until they were sitting side by side, their shoulders touching and bodies turned towards each other. Once lunch was long finished, they turned the television on, catching a newer episode of Doctor Who that featured the Twelfth Doctor. As the afternoon wore on and turned into early evening, their conversation became more candid and almost back to normal. Alex filled him in on the new Capaldi bloke who'd taken over the reigns of the show and all the hijinks still happening on set when she went back. She also filled him in on the current whereabouts of Karen and Arthur – both working primarily in America, though on opposites coasts.

Matt was stunned to hear that Kazza had shaved her head nearly two years ago in order to play a superhero and more surprised still to learn that he had done nearly the same for a few roles of his own not long before that. He hadn't really studied himself in a mirror since waking up the day before, but he had been running his hands through his hair quite a bit due to all the confusion and nervousness he'd been feeling, so he was surprised when Alex pulled out a compact mirror to show him and his hair  _ was _ shorter. Not as short as he'd apparently cut it a couple of years ago but definitely not as long as it had been previously.

“Honestly, darling, how could you not notice all that floppy hair being gone?” she asked him, giggling.

“I dunno, I guess I've had more important things on my mind, like what was missing from  _ inside _ my head not on  _ top _ of it, just didn't notice! But you! We were together at the time – how could you have let me do this to myself?” he accused her halfheartedly as he inspected his head more closely in the mirror, pulling faces and moving his head from side to side to get a better feel of the new look.

“Let?” Alex laughed as she leaned over to run her hand through his hair once again, “I was set against it from the start. I loved your hair! But it was for a role - a rather important role at that - and you've been a bit back and forth with it ever since. Tried letting it grow out so you wouldn't have to wear a wig in your final episode as the Doctor – which failed phenomenally – then cut it again for another role. You did grow it most of the way back again for our wedding, but cut it down to the length it's at now just a few months later. You finally seem content with it for now and I must say, after a bit of time, the _slightly_ shorter styles have grown on me.”

“Really?” he asked doubtfully as he handed the mirror back to her and rested his elbow over the top of the sofa.

“Oh, yes, makes you look older. And much more manly.”

He gasped. “I was plenty manly!”

“Of course you were, dear,” she tutted as she patted his cheek affectionately. He could hear the playful sarcasm dripping in her voice.

“I was! And, ha! You thought so too!” he exclaimed. “You must have or you never would have given me a chance in the first place!” He looked down at her smugly

Her head was resting in the palm of her hand, which was propped up against the back of the sofa as she she looked at him with barely disguised mirth in her eyes. “Oh, really? And how do you know I didn't just like the idea of a challenge?”

“A challenge, hmm? Are you saying that falling in love with me was a challenge?” he asked, trying to keep his voice jovial and upbeat because he knew she was joking, but he also knew his question wasn't just a part of the game. Maybe there was a smidgen of truth to her words. He just didn't know.

Alex must have seen the way his eyes turned serious and how his voice lowered in pitch. The smile on her own face dropped and she refused to look at him for a moment. He could then feel her eyes study him as if he were a priceless artifact and saw the way they darkened slightly. He knew she was thinking over how best to respond and with what level of seriousness but he was almost starting to think she wouldn't answer him at all when she finally opened her mouth.

“It was the most challenging thing I've ever done in my life,” she said quietly. His heart barely had the chance to sink at her words before she continued, “because it was just  _ so _ easy. It terrified me just how easy it was. Every time I was afraid and ready to run, to tell you to go find someone younger, someone  _ better _ to be with, you were there to talk me down from the ledge. This relationship scared the hell out of me, but you, Matt... I was half in love with you from the day we met. I fought it for a long time, but after that first night together, and that morning, well, you just made it too easy for me fall the rest of the way, and just about impossible for me to deny it any longer.”

Matt couldn't seem to remember how to breathe properly. His mouth dried and his eyes refused to blink as he looked at her. Her face was flushed but she looked him dead in the eye. He'd noticed that whenever she'd say anything the least bit emotional or having to do with the two of them being together over the last day and a half, she'd look down and avoid his gaze but now, she couldn't seem to look away. She was still leaning her head into her hand, and the way the light hit her face right at that minute made her skin almost glow. Her eyes were sparkling and although she was no longer smiling at him, and was worrying at the inside of her lip instead, he could see the warm love radiating out of them, aimed straight at him. She'd never been more beautiful.

His thoughts were stalled, her words simply echoing through his brain over and over again. If asked later, he would claim to have had no control whatsoever over his own mind or body, insisting that he'd done the absolute only thing that seemed possible at the moment. In one quick moment, he brought his right hand up to cup her face as he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers.

For the briefest moment, she didn't respond at all, frozen into place as much as he'd been only a moment before, and he very nearly pulled away, afraid that he'd misread the moment, afraid that she didn't want this, not with  _ him _ , the lowly substitute for the husband she loved and he couldn't remember being, but in the nanosecond before his brain could even finish processing the thought, she was kissing him back.

His lips slid over hers, slowly but enthusiastically, luxuriating for a few moments just in the feel of them, full and sweet as he sucked on her bottom lip. He'd kissed her yesterday, back when he thought they had just woken up in bed together, and that had been fantastic, but he'd still been practically half-asleep and completely oblivious to what has actually happening around him. Now, though, he knew. He knew, even if he couldn't remember, who he was and who she was, who they were to each other. He knew what he was missing and what he could have.

They broke apart after only a few moments, breathing quickly and looking straight at the other. He could see a quick flash of fear behind her eyes but it was gone as soon as it appeared.

“Alex,” he breathed, stroking her cheek with his thumb, needing some kind of reassurance that this was all right. She closed her eyes and leaned ever-so-slightly into his caress, and he couldn't take being separated from her a moment longer.

This time when he kissed her, it was forceful and frenzied and when he flicked his tongue across her lips quickly, she opened them immediately, allowing him in to explore her fully as she brought the hand her head had been resting on to clutch desperately at the back of his neck, pulling him closer toward her body. Their chests were pressed together and despite the layers of clothing separating them, Matt's skin burned where they touched.

There was a fire raging inside him, ever since waking up in this dream-like life the day before, but now with Alex pressed up against him, the feel of her lips on his and the taste of her tongue as it danced with his, the flames had been stoked so high he felt like he would combust into a ball of flames if he couldn't keep touching her. It was one thing to think he'd had her once, to  _ know _ he'd had her many times, it was a very different thing to have her, right here and now, in his arms and grasping at his neck and pressed intimately close to him for the first time in his memory.

Matt tangled his hand in her unruly curls while the other snaked down to splay across her waist, grasping tightly. Suddenly, Alex leaned back against the arm of the sofa, pulling him along on top of her as he gave a small squeak of surprise into her mouth. Recovering quickly, he shifted to line his body up with hers, his painfully throbbing erection pressing insistently into her thigh as he brought the hand in her hair down to join the other on her waist with a satisfied groan.

He wanted to just enjoy her like this for a few minutes more, basking in the taste and feel of her beneath him for the first time, the slide of her hot mouth against his, and the way her tongue stroked his franticly in an almost intoxicating way.

He slid his hand a bit further down until he was able to slip his fingers underneath the hem of her shirt and feel the hot skin of her stomach and ribs, enjoying the way he could feel the slightest gasp escape from her mouth as she continued to kiss him. Feeling emboldened, he dragged his hand slowly and gently up the flat panes of her stomach and the edge of her ribs until he brushed gently against the bottom of her breast.

When her only reaction was to move her mouth against his even more desperately, he slipped his hand even higher, allowing his fingertips to just ghost against her clothed nipple. She moaned, low and guttural, at his barely there touch, and it was all he could do not to just rip off the rest of their clothes and take her right there on the sofa. But that wasn't how he wanted this to go, not this time. For him, this was the first time this was happening. He didn't want it to be just a frantic shag on the couch. So with all the self-control he could muster, he quickly pulled his hands from her body and his lips from hers.

He could see the surprise and concern in her eyes as he pushed himself off her and started to stand up.“Matt? What -?”

“Bedroom. Now,” he gasped, pulling her up by the hand. He kissed her quickly once more, then started pulling her down the hall to the bedroom as she laughed behind him.

“Eager are we, darling?” she giggled from behind him.

He growled and pulled her through the doorway, swinging them both up against the wall opposite the bed and pressing himself up against her as he crashed his lips across hers once more, hands grasping her hips. She slipped her fingers up the back of his shirt scratching at his back lightly as she bucked her hips up against his. He groaned, the friction of her hips and their clothes against his cock unbearable.

He brought his hands to the hem of her shirt once more, this time taking hold of it and pulling it slowly up, past her ribs, past her breasts, shoulders, and finally up over her head before flinging it away from them. He immediately lowered his head, kissing and nipping at the swell of her breasts over her bra as her hands returned to his body, gripping his arse and pulling him more directly against her.

But he wanted to continue exploring her, and up against the wall was even worse than the couch, so he grabbed her by the hips once more and pulled her from the wall, walking them backwards a few steps before turning them so her knees were against the bed. Seeing his intention and seemingly happy to let him lead for the moment, she untangled herself from him and sat on the bed before crawling backward up to the headboard and resting against the pillows.

She sat back for a moment and only looked at him, taking in the sight of him standing at the foot of the bed as he gazed at her hungrily. Then very slowly and very deliberately, he watched as she pushed the straps of her bra off her shoulders and, still staring at him, reached behind her to unhook it, letting it fall into her lap before tossing it aside.

Matt's mouth went dry as he stared at her, still unable to believe this was really happening. He'd seen her without clothes on before, of course – the number of times he'd watched her films was embarrassing, and just yesterday she'd paraded in front of him on her way to the kitchen – and she was still wearing a frustrating amount of clothing, but now she was his to look at and touch as he pleased. At that thought, he felt himself get impossibly harder. With no further thought, he reached down and pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it aside. He then put one knee on the bed and started to crawl slowly up towards her.

Once he got close enough, Alex pulled him down toward her and kissed him, biting at his lip and running her hands across his scalp. Forgetting about the state of his head, her fingers ran not-so-delicately over his injured scalp which caused him to break away from her and wince in pain.

“Oh, Matt, I'm sorry!” she exclaimed, placing her hands over his face and stroking his cheeks. “I keep forgetting, it won't happen again, darling. Are you all right?”

“M'fine,” he mumbled as he reached up to run his fingers over the swelling gingerly. “Really, it just stung, I promise. But... you think this is all right, right? I mean you don't think my head's gonna explode and make me collapse right in the middle of this, do you? I can't say I've ever tried to have sex with a concussion before.”

Alex laughed as she continued to stroke his face. “You'll be absolutely fine, darling. The concussion shouldn't affect you during this whatsoever.”

“Yeah? How d'you know that? Leftover knowledge from your ER days?” he asked, starting to relax his muscles once more, leaning down to press a series of kisses to the hollow of her neck.

A sigh of pleasure escaped her mouth before she said, “Hardly... I asked your doctor before we left. He said as long as you were feeling up for it, there shouldn't be a problem.” Feeling him start to lick and nip at her neck, she bucked her hips up into his once again and reached down, brushing her fingers over his clothed cock and cupping him briefly. “And it certainly seems as if you're up to it.”

At the feel of her fingers over him, touching him for the first time, he moaned into her neck. He started to place kisses across her neck and collarbone. “You asked my doctor, huh?” he asked, kissing across her chest and in the valley between her breasts.

Back to running her hands through his hair - carefully avoiding the painful area - she laughed shakily. “Well, I thought the issue would probably come up sooner or later.”

“Yeah, well, I'm glad it was sooner,” he whispered before moving to take her nipple in his mouth. She gasped as he laved his tongue over the sensitive bud, and he relished the taste and feel as it hardened under his tongue. He alternated between licking and sucking at her and brought his hand up to roll her other nipple between his fingers. Every time her hips twitched beneath him, every time she let another moan escape her mouth, every scrape of her nails against his scalp, just served to send a jolt of electricity straight to his cock, and it was all he could do not to simply rut shamelessly against her hip and find whatever friction he could.

Instead, he removed his mouth from her breast with one final lick and felt her shiver beneath him before he switched to the other side. He let himself stop to lick the underside of her breast, collecting the taste of her skin and sweat on his tongue, felt himself twitch against her leg, and enveloped her nipple again, sucking and biting gently.

“Oh, God, darling, please -!” Alex moaned, no longer just scraping her nails against his scalp but holding his head firmly against her breast, encouraging him to continue. Spurred on by her words, he managed to pull his head back just far enough to blow lightly over her hardened nipple and felt her body nearly convulse with shivers as he took it in his mouth once more and started pulling and twisting the other, now neglected breast, palming it roughly and feeling the weight of it in his hand.

She continued to moan, and he felt her back arch up against his chest and knew he wanted to continue exploring her, knew he wanted to map every last inch of her and learn all the ways her body could react to pleasure. He'd never considered that being with Alex like this could ever be a real possibility, and now that it was, he wanted to savor every last moment.

He pulled his hand and mouth away from her breasts and reached his hands down to undo the button of her jeans, sliding the zip down so he could reach his hand just inside to brush against her pelvis and the start of her short curls. Already, he could feel the heat emanating from her across his hand.

Alex impatiently lifted her hips from the mattress and he took her hint, slipping his fingers under the waistband on her jeans and knickers and starting to drag them down. As soon as they cleared her hips, the smell of her hit him - a deep muskiness that attacked his senses and made his mouth water. Ignoring his instinct and desire to immediately duck his head and taste her, he continued to draw the clothing down her legs and pitch them over the edge of the bed.

Before he could start to explore her more fully, she was tugging on his hair, pulling him back up to her mouth.

“So that's why you like my hair longer, isn't it?” he asked her between gasps after a few moments of intense snogging. “Something to grab onto during sex?”

“Of course, darling. You wanted it short, I wanted it long, and we compromised on this length. It gives me just enough to work with. Surprised it took you this long to put that together,” Alex laughed at him as her hands started to slide down his body. “And speaking of  _ length _ , Matt, you are still wearing entirely too many clothes.”

Groaning, he forced himself to roll over to lie next to her and attempted to reach down to undo his jeans. His hands, however, were batted forcefully away by Alex's much smaller ones, as they opened the button and slid her hand inside his pants just enough to brush her fingers over the top on his length. He bucked his hips the moment he felt her skin on his and groaned loudly when she pulled away after only a too-short second. But he quickly realized what was happening. With lust and fire clouding his brain it was hard for him to come up with the right words he needed to form the correct protest, but after a few seconds he was able to speak as he grasped her wrist tightly, stalling her movements.

“Alex – no. Stop. I want this to be about you. This is the first time I can remember doing this and I want to make it special. If I wake up tomorrow and lose the rest of my memories, I want this to be the one thing I remember. I wanna taste  _ you _ .”

“Darling, don't be ridiculous. I  _ want _ to, I always want to,” she said softly and grinned down at him, “Maybe I want to make  _ you _ feel special. I want to show you how we are together, and see your face as I take you into my mouth for the first time. I'm going to take care of you, Matt... and  _ then _ you can take care of me. I promise that I won't object!” she laughed as she pulled her wrists free.

Figuring that giving in was his only real option at the moment, and really not at all upset by that, he raised his hips when she started tugging his pants and trousers down his legs and felt the cold air of the room hit his cock, waiting for Alex to do something,  _ anything _ .

He felt her hand wrap around him first, grasping him gently and then sliding just one finger up and down his length a couple of times before coming to rest at the head of his cock, circling it with her thumb and making his hips jerk off the bed. “ _ Fuck _ – Alex!”

“Not yet, darling,” she said with a laugh before lowering her mouth to him. He felt her lick a stripe up his length, from base to tip, before circling his head with her tongue and licking at his slit. Matt thought he was going to come right then but managed, somehow, to control himself enough to enjoy her attention a little longer. After a few more moments of firmly licking at him and causing him to see stars, she slid her mouth over him. She only took the head of his cock inside at first but the fire raging within him felt as if it were about to consume him before she finally slid more of him into the hot, wet confines of her mouth.

Matt's hands, which had until now been clutching desperately at the sheets, now moved to bury themselves in her curls as he moaned his pleasure into the otherwise silent room. This seemed to spur her on, as she was now sliding more of him into her mouth before pulling back up and swirling her tongue over his tip once more.

She repeated that a few more times, sucking him in and pulling back rapidly, and each time Matt had to force himself to not simply jerk up into her, to feel her lips wrapped around all of him all at once, wanting to thrust up repeatedly, to pull her by her glorious curls down over him again and again, to just fuck her mouth until he came, spilling down her throat and shouting her name. But he knew he couldn't do that. Instead, he focused all his attention on keeping his hips firmly in place and on keeping his arms loose enough to move freely with her as her head bobbed up and down over him.

He wasn't going to last long. He knew this, and knew that the way he really wanted to come was while inside her, but there was plenty of time for that later. There was no way he would have the strength to stop her now, enjoying the tight, restricting, wet heat of her mouth as she sucked at him, always taking him as deeply at she could until he felt himself hit the back of her throat and cried out, so very close to release that he could feel his impending orgasm starting to ripple through his spine.

“Alex – Alex, I can't -!” he tried to warn her, unsure what their usual protocol was, whether she swallowed or not or just liked to have a warning, and was able to think through the haze of feelings clouding his brain enough to acknowledge that he really hated not being able to remember them doing this before.

She definitely heard him and seemed to understand what he was trying to tell her but her only response was to hollow her cheeks and start to hum around him. It was then, with the increased tightness around him and the vibrations from her mouth shooting through his cock, that he felt his orgasm rip through him, strong and forceful, lights clouding his vision. He felt himself come into her waiting mouth and cried out his release, cursing and calling her name, no longer able to stop his hips from rising to meet her mouth as she sucked the last of his release from his cock.

Releasing his now dwindling member with a small  _ pop _ and one last kiss the tip, she crawled back up to the top of the bed, where he was now sitting upright, and allowed him to pull her into a searing kiss. He pushed his tongue inside, mapping the inside on her mouth and sucking on her tongue, tasting the mixture of his essence and the simply intoxicating taste of  _ Alex _ . He could feel her grin against his mouth before they pulled apart.

“Well, darling? That wasn't so bad now, was it?” she asked cheekily.

“Oh, it was absolutely dreadful. But you know they say the only way to become accustomed to something is to keep exposing yourself to it, and I must say, I'm willing to  _ expose _ myself to you any time you damn well like,” he growled against her mouth and cupped her breast in one hand again, circling her nipple lightly with his thumb.

She moaned lightly against him. “Mmhm, Matt, darling, you'd better be planning on doing something  _ else _ soon or I think I may just kill you.”

He laughed brightly and quickly pushed her down onto her back. “Well, with motivation like that, how can a man resist?” He gently put his hands on her knees and coaxed them open. He was immediately hit with her tempting scent once more and started to feel the first stirrings of arousal creep up his spine again at the mere sight and smell of her. “God, you're gorgeous.”

She grinned down at him, seeing the look of wonder and devotion on his face as he stared at her spread open before him. “Thank you, darling, but I hope you weren't planning on resisting before.”

“Not a chance,” he said, pressing a kiss to her inner thigh, “and there is nothing on this planet that could make me ever resist you again.”

With that, he ducked his head, and inhaling the scent coming from her, flicked out his tongue to taste her. The sweet, bitter taste of her erupted on his tongue and seemed to make his taste buds explode. Forcing himself to pull back after hearing her first gasp of pleasure, he brought his hand up to stroke lightly at her folds. Slipping two fingers between them, he moved them gently through her wetness and circled lazily around her clit.

Alex moaned loudly at that, and he loved that she was so vocal. Her voice had always driven him to distraction and hearing her express her pleasure so openly and vocally in bed did nothing but add to his ever-growing confidence. Sliding his two fingers down to tease briefly against her opening, he quickly but gently slid one, then the other inside her, feeling her tight muscles clamp down around them, seeming to draw them inside of her even more. Alex cried out at the feel of his fingers within and he bit back a moan, reveling in the feel of the inside of her, trying to imagine how this would feel wrapped around his rapidly hardening cock.

In a lot of ways, this experience was making him feel a bit like a virgin again, unsure of his actions and desperate for  _ more _ with every step. He'd waited so long, in his mind at least, to be able to have Alex in any way at all, and now here she was, writhing and moaning underneath him as he pushed his fingers slowly inside again and then stilled, simply basking in the feel of her around him.

“Christ, Alex, I can't believe how wet you are right now. Or how utterly beautiful you are.”

After a few moments of him not moving, she was starting to get impatient and circled her hips in an attempt to get some measure of friction and make his fingers move within her. “ _ Matt _ – please, darling –  _ move _ !” she cried above him, thrusting up against his hand.

Snapping out of the daze he'd been in, he set to work all too happily. He crooked his fingers, curling them just right and started to thrust them in and out of her, slowly and gently as she continued to adjust to him. All too soon however, her juices started to flow from her more than ever and he picked up the pace for a few more strokes, building her up as her moans increased in volume up above him.

Stopping the motion of his fingers before she came too close to release, he pulled them gently from her and she cursed him for his teasing. He brought his fingers to his own mouth and sucked on them, lapping at her juices coating his hand and getting another taste of the sweetness he'd only briefly sampled a few minutes before.

Alex, watching him with her head raised on the pillows, whimpered softly. “Matt, please! I  _ need _ -!”

“I know, Alex, I know,” he said, voice low as he pulled his fingers from his face and placed both hands on her thighs, pulling them even more open and baring her in all her glory to him. “I know what you need. I'll take care of you, I promise,” he whispered before burying his face between her legs and lapping at her gently, loving the way her taste exploded once more across his tongue and invaded his mouth, combining with her scent to completely overpower him.

Licking a stripe up over her repeatedly, he then pointed his tongue and circled it teasingly across her entrance before pushing it just past the tight ring of muscle and inside her. Alex started to buck her hips against his face as her moans grew in pitch. Matt swirled his tongue inside her for a few moments more, stretching her as much as he could like this and licking against her inner walls as she started to clench around him.

Pulling away, he focused now instead on her mostly-neglected clit, licking at it once then blowing lightly, making her jerk beneath him. Licking his lips, Matt dove right back in and started lapping at her once more. This time, Alex grabbed onto his hair again, holding him tightly to her, seemingly desperate to keep his mouth on her, which Matt was only too happy to do. He brought his hand back up to her entrance, circling it twice before thrusting two fingers back into her more forcefully than the first time as his tongue continued to lick at her folds and clit.

All too soon, he could feel her start to clench around his fingers, and by the way her hips were continuing to thrust shamelessly against his face, Alex was desperate to come. So he reared up and took her clit between his lips, sucking on it forcefully and shifted the angle of his fingers, sure to hit the sweet spot within her directly.

Alex threw her head back and screamed her release, chanting his name over and over as her muscles clamped down around his fingers tighter than ever. Matt gently withdrew his hand and lapped at her entrance again, easing her through her orgasm and allowing her juices to flood his mouth.

When her body finally stilled and she had managed to catch most of her breath back, she pulled him up by his hair, careful to avoid any painful areas, and pulled him in for a bruising kiss, just as desperate to taste herself in his mouth as he'd been earlier. Once the taste of her essence was gone, Matt collapsed next to her, mouthing at her neck and running his hands over her body, wanting to know the feel of every bit of her under his fingers.

“So,” he said, feeling slightly ridiculous but needing to know he'd lived up to, well, himself, “how was that? Was it... okay? I mean, I know it wasn't  _ disappointing _ but was it as good as... before?”

Alex laughed a bit breathlessly as she looked at the faint blush staining his cheeks. “It was brilliant, darling, you have nothing to worry about.

“Yeah?” he asked, a huge grin stretching across his face, pleased with himself. “Well, you were brilliant too, you know. Best blowjob ever, I swear!”

Alex laughed at his awkward phrasing, eyes bright and happy as she leaned up to kiss him once more. “Thank you, darling, you certainly know how to make a girl feel special!”

Matt laughed with her for a few moments as he allowed himself to play with a stray curl that had been covering her face. Then thoughts entered his brain. “Alex?”

“Yes?” she answered, looking at him quizzically.

“I know this is strange and awkward and a bit terrifying for both of us, but I want you to know - I  _ need _ to you to know – what I said at the hospital was true. I want this. I  _ really _ want this. You. Us. I'm not just saying that because I'm confused or think I should, or whatever other bollocks you can come up with to try to convince me I don't,” he told her, speaking gently and shifting so he was half covering her body with his own and able to look directly at her. 

“None of this feels real to me, and I'm actually kind of terrified I'm going to wake up any moment now and this will all have been some wonderful but horribly fake dream. I know it's not, but I just need you to know, there's nothing about any of this I don't want, I promise you. Of all the futures I could have woken up to yesterday, this is by far the best I could have imagined. I love you Alex, I have right from the start.”

He could see tears welling up in her eyes and after a moment, she finally let one fall and it slipped slowly down the side of her face. But she was smiling as she reached for him. “God, I love you too, Matt. So much more than you realize yet. I don't know what I'd do without you anymore,” she told him and pressed her lips to his, parting them and stroking at his tongue with her own. After a few moments of that, he felt her start to circle her hips beneath him and he knew she could feel his erection pressing into her hip insistently once more. She brought one hand up to cup his face while the other trailed down the panes of his body to stroke his cock. “Darling, please – I need you. I need you inside me  _ now _ .”

Jerking under her touch, he groaned. “Jesus, Alex.” He shifted his body so that his hips were cradled between her welcoming thighs, reaching his hand down to stroke deftly at the dripping wetness he found there. “We don't – er – we don't use anything do we?” he asked, wondering if they still used condoms for whatever reason and if he should be looking for one before continuing. “It's just - I don't know. I'm playing all this completely by ear and I know some married couples still do, so-”

Alex chuckled breathlessly against his neck, her voice getting more desperate with each word. “No, of course not, not for a long time now. It's all right, you're good, we're good. Just please, Matt, I need you now, please!” she cried with another jerk of her hips.

Wanting nothing but to make her happy, Matt was more than willing to follow her command. He shifted his hips, lining himself up with her entrance, and slowly,  _ slowly _ , slid into her welcoming heat. He was careful to keep his eyes open and not shut them the way he wanted to, so as to look at her face as he sank inside. 

He knew this wasn't really their first time, knew that for her, this was old hat by now and that he'd hopefully start to remember everything soon, but for him, right now, it was the the first time he'd ever made love to her. The first time he'd been within her, the first time her silky, hot, wet walls clutched at his cock, and the first time he got to see her face as her body accepted him and adjusted to his size. She was absolutely gorgeous in this moment, her head thrown back and a deep, guttural moan escaping her lips.

He forced himself to pull out of her slowly before pushing back in again, loving the slide of her against his skin and the way Alex reached up to dig her nails into his back and brought her legs up almost instantly to wrap securely around his waist, urging him to go faster, harder, and telling him how much she loved him. Burying his face into her shoulder, he panted hard and fast, biting back his moans as he snapped his hips back and thrust into her more forcefully, enjoying the small shriek she let escape from her mouth at his movements.

He continued to thrust into her, his hips snapping back and forth as hers rose to meet his in perfect tandem. She scratched at his back and pressed the heels of her feet into his arse, trying to get him to sink even further and harder into her and she cursed and called his name repeatedly, like a desperate prayer – one he never wanted her to stop screaming.

Matt could feel his second orgasm of the night start to creep slowly down his spine and through his stomach. Refusing to come before she did, he continued to pound into her and brought his thumb down to her core once again, pressing it roughly to her clit. “Come on Alex. Come for me. You can do it, sweetheart, I've got you. You're so fucking gorgeous, so fucking wet and tight, I can't hold on much longer. I need to see your face when you come, I need to see what you look like when you fall apart around me, screaming my name.  _ Come for me, please, Alex _ .”

With one final thrust, her hips practically levitated off the mattress, jerking spasmodically as she screamed her release into his neck and clutched at him tightly, his name falling from her lips. Only two strong thrusts later, he was coming just as hard inside her, calling out her name before biting down on her shoulder to muffle the rest of his cries as his hips jerked rapidly against her, no sense of rhythm possible any longer as he emptied himself within her.

He collapsed on top of her, only careful enough to ensure she could still breathe as they both fought to catch their breath. He didn't want to slide out of her, didn't want to leave the wonderful feeling of love that being within her gave him. She seemed to feel the same as her arms were still holding onto his neck tightly, making it almost impossible for him to move even if he wanted to. After a minute of panting against each other and exchanging small kisses, however, Matt finally had to slip out and lower himself onto the mattress next to her, wrapping his arm tightly around her waist and resting his head upon her chest. He contented himself with tracing small circles into her hip as she ran her hands softly through his hair.

Matt didn't think he'd ever felt so content, so  _ right _ in his life. It was simply unbelievable that this was his life now. Sure there were other parts, family and friends, work and travel, and he was sure the two of them had to row on occasion, but  _ this _ , what they had right here, this wasn't just some one-off. This was something that was his forever, something that was irrefutably theirs. It scared him just how much he loved this, loved her, and how he'd so quickly adjusted to the idea of them that he knew he could never give it up. The whole thing still felt so very surreal, just too good to actually be reality.

“Alex?” he mumbled against her skin, fighting to keep his eyes open as sleep threatened to claim him.

She hummed into the top of his head as she continued to run her hands through his hair. “Yes, Matt?”

“What I said earlier about this feeling like a dream – it's not right? I'm not really asleep am I? And I haven't gone mad? This is all real, isn't it?”

She giggled gently into his hair, brushing the hair he still had back from his forehead. “Definitely real, darling. I promise I'll still be here in the morning, now you just go to sleep.”

Happier and more sated than he ever thought possible, Matt smiled against Alex's chest as he allowed the low sound of her humming to lull him to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sooo sorry for the delay in getting this up! Things got crazy with work and school and I actually went to a DW con in NY last weekend (which was amazing!) but I just wasn't able to get this done before I left for that. This chapter definitely required me taking more time than I expected - this is the first time I ever tried my hand at writing smut and I wanted to make sure it at least didn't turn out horribly. So sorry again it took so long and thanks for your patience! I'm not sure when the next bit will be up - hopefully within the week but definitely no longer than the two it took me to get this part finished. :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much again for all the support everyone has shown this fic and thanks for being so patient as I take ages to get each piece out! Here's the next part and I hope you all enjoy!

When Matt woke up the next morning, he could tell it was early. The sun, so powerful two days before when he found himself waking to a very similar situation, was barely even out and hardly noticeable through the curtains. When he and Alex had crashed into bed the night before, it had still been so early in the evening they hadn't even had dinner yet (as his rumbling stomach was eager to remind him).

He found himself, despite feeling fully rested, not wanting to move. The position he was laying in was very much the same as that he'd fallen asleep in – head resting on Alex's chest and his face pressed up against her breast, his arm thrown over her waist securely, and he could feel that she had one hand resting on his back – and he just didn't want to get up and move away from the warmth of the bed or her body.

The position he woke up in may have been similar to the other morning, but the sensation of waking was completely different. Where the first time he'd been confused and disoriented and worried, not to mention sporting the worst headache of his life, this morning, all he felt was warmth and contentment. He wasn't in the wrong place and he hadn't done anything stupid. He was exactly where he belonged.

Mindlessly, still groggy and half asleep, he started tracing circles into Alex's side, enjoying the warm softness of her skin against his fingertips. After a few seconds, he heard Alex give the tiniest of moans. Unsure whether it was in response to the movement of his fingers or just because she was waking up, he started to gently run his fingertips up and down the side of her ribs and she responded with a small hum of appreciation. Grinning, he leaned his head over a couple of inches and pressed a delicate kiss to her nipple, enjoying the small gasp that escaped her mouth.

“'Morning,” he whispered, breathing over her.

She only groaned, and he could tell it was a mixture of both arousal and post-sleep fatigue. She refused to open her eyes or speak, but gently circled her hips in an almost unconscious way, which did nothing to alleviate the morning erection he already had pressing against her hip. He started running circles over her skin again, this time trailing his fingers lower and lower after every couple of rotations, until he finally reached the heat between her legs and grinned when she, whether consciously or not, parted them just enough to give him access to run a few slow circles around her clit.

Loving the more pronounced moan that left her lips, he pushed himself off of her chest and slid lower down on the bed, throwing the covers over his head and settling between her thighs.

Much more awake now, she twitched her hips up when she felt his breath over her. “Matt,” she gasped out, breathless already, “what are you-?”

He cut her off before she could finish the question. “Shhh, Alex,” he said softly as he ran his fingers over the crease of her thigh, “I'm famished and this is a meal fit for a king.”

He ducked his head and quickly flicked his tongue out several times, teasing her briefly. Her cry of frustration above him made him almost giddy and he smiled wide as he pressed his open mouth against her, breathing her in deeply and bringing his hands to her, opening her wide. He lapped slowly at her clit, loving the moans coming from her as she started to squeeze her thighs tight around his head.

He loved the way she tasted, the way she smelled. He loved the way she was so open in bed, making all those noises that made his cock twitch against the mattress, and he loved that he was the one allowed to elicit those sounds from her.

Matt was now mouthing at her clit, not even using his tongue, when he felt her muscles start to clench around empty air, knowing that by the rhythmic rise of her hips that she wanted his fingers inside her. Instead of giving in to her unspoken plea, Matt pulled away from her completely and pushed himself up over her body.

“Oh, you complete bastard,” she groaned in frustration, glaring at him as he leaned in and kissed her deeply.

“God, you taste amazing,” he groaned into her mouth, ignoring her. “Have I ever told you that? I hope I tell you all the time, every time.”

“God, yes, you've told me,” she panted, raising her hips to meet his and looping one leg around his waist to pull him closer to her opening, desperate to be filled. “Now, please, Matt, I can't take it anymore!”

Matt crashed his lips against hers as he angled his hips and this time when he slid into her, it was in one quick thrust. They both moaned into each other's mouth at the sensation and Matt broke away to mouth at her neck, grazing his teeth over her skin as he pulled out and slowly pushed back in again.

On the third push on his hips, he accidentally bit down harder than he intended and he knew he'd leave a mark when she cried out, digging her nails into his shoulders. He ran his tongue over the spot in apology, trying to soothe it, before bringing his mouth to hers once more, stroking his tongue against hers as he continued to push into her over and over again, still slowly and with deliberate movements every time. It was getting harder and harder to keep up the slow pace, but the delicious burn in his muscles was completely worth the way Alex's back arched each time he hit that sweet spot inside her, simultaneously sucking on her tongue with every stroke of his hips.

This time when she came, her whole body shuddered and she cried her release into his mouth, clawing at his back. He continued to stroke slowly inside, letting her ride out the last seconds of her orgasm, following her into the blinding light of ecstasy only a few moments later.

Slipping out of her, he rolled over onto his back next to her, staring up at the ceiling as he gasped for breath. Alex reached her hand over and tangled it in his. He kissed her knuckles and rested their hands on his chest, feeling as it rose and fell rapidly. Her thumb was rubbing circles into the back of his hand.

Matt couldn't help but let out a small breathless chuckle, still waiting for his heartbeat to return to normal. “Not too bad for a second go-round, yeah?”

Her thumb stilled its movements and he could swear he felt her whole body tense for the briefest of moments. “Alex?” he asked her when she didn't say anything after a few moments. “Everything all right?”

“Yes, of course, darling,” she said a bit too brightly as she leaned over and kissed his jaw then flopped her head back down on her pillow with a sigh. “It's just... for a moment, I'd almost... forgotten, is all.”

“Forgotten...?”

“About  _ this _ ... about you and your head.”

“Oh.” Matt, who until a moment ago was feeling fantastic, now couldn't help the twinge of guilt shooting through his stomach. “I'm sorry, I-”

“Not your fault, darling,” Alex was quick to reassure him, “it's all right, really. Guess I just couldn't help thinking for a few moments that the past two days were just a dream.”

“That's funny, because I woke up this morning just grateful that they  _ weren't _ ,” he said with an ironic chuckle.

Not seeming to know how to respond to that, she merely hummed and brought their entwined fingers to her lips, brushing them gently against his knuckles. She lingered a few moments, her head pressed against his shoulder, before unlacing their fingers and pushing herself up into a sitting position with a sigh.

“Where are you going?” Matt asked her, worried he'd upset her.

“I don't know exactly what we'll be doing today, but I think a shower is first up,” she replied, throwing the covers back and standing.

“Want me to come with you? I could use one myself,” he said with a grin, pushing himself up onto his elbows.

But Alex had already walked over to the closet, where she was pulling out clothes. “Not this time. I actually have to get  _ clean _ ,” she replied cheekily as she brought out a hastily picked outfit and bustled over to the dresser, where she began rifling through its contents.

“Right,” he laughed, only slightly disappointed. “Just try to save me some hot water, yeah?”

“I'll do my best,” she said with a laugh as she gathered the rest of her clothes and made her way for the door.

He heard her leave the room and enter the loo across the hall only a few seconds later. Flopping back down onto the bed with a sigh, he ran his words over in his head.

_ 'Save me some hot water.' _ Such a domestic thing to say. It felt strange but oddly pleasant and rather like he'd said it a thousand times before. Maybe he had. Probably had. He had a feeling Alex had a propensity for long showers with that hair of hers (he had to try very hard not to let his thoughts linger on her in there, the spray of the hot water and her rubbing soap over her skin...) The words had certainly come out of his mind naturally enough. He didn't actually remember ever saying them before, but he could only take that vague sense of deja vu as a positive sign.

If he were completely honest with himself, he'd have to admit that he'd half expected to wake up this morning with his memory restored. A very small part of him had hoped that last night's round of sex would jog all those missing memories back into place. But as his doctor had reminded him, this wasn't a film. It definitely wasn't some overly dramatic romance film where all his problems would be resolved after sleeping with his wife.

But now, waking up for the third morning just not  _ remembering _ , he was starting to feel frustrated. He knew he'd been told it could take time, possibly a long time, but he wanted to remember  _ now _ . He wanted to remember the missing time with Alex, Salome, his family, his friends, his final years as the Doctor, whatever else he'd missed in his professional life and everything else that had gone into the last four and a half years that were now just  _ gone _ . He felt very much  _ not done _ .

He allowed himself to stew in his thoughts for a few moments more while he relaxed against his pillows but soon he decided to get up, no longer capable of sitting still. He wanted to be  _ doing _ something.

Jumping out of bed, he walked to the dresser against the wall, the same one Alex had been rifling through a few short minutes before. He opened the top drawer and found it full of Alex's things – knickers and bras, stockings and socks – and he shut it quickly before he was tempted enough to actually look through all the lacy things he found inside. Married or not, he thought that would be bordering on creepy. Pulling open the second drawer instead, he found it full of his own things. He pulled out a pair of pants and mismatched socks, pulling them on quickly and turned to the closet.

Considering this flat was where he spent the majority of his time when not filming, the closet was fairly large and he expected to find it full, especially considering he and Alex both kept their things in it. However, when he stepped inside, it was nearly empty. Each side only had a handful of hangers with clothes actually hanging from them and he supposed he really shouldn't be surprised. They didn't live here after all, so it made sense for the both of them to only keep a few outfits on hand along with the few things they'd brought for what was apparently only supposed to be a weekend trip.

He looked through his choices for a minute before picking out a t-shirt and walked out to grab his discarded jeans from the day before. He grabbed his wallet off the end table, found his keys on the floor next to the bed, and left the room in search of his shoes. He'd noticed yesterday that the kitchen was almost entirely bare; the bottles of water practically the only things in the fridge and the cupboards with barely more than a box of biscuits inside. Neither one of them had eaten since the pizza yesterday afternoon, and he for one was starving. So, he slipped on his trainers, left a quick note in the sitting room for Alex, and walked out of the flat, hurrying to make a quick run to the Tesco down the road. He hoped to be back before she even stepped out of the shower.

Twenty minutes later, he walked back in the door carrying a bag full of groceries and discovered that while the water was no longer running, Alex was indeed still in the loo, and he could hear the hair dryer going. Snatching up the note he'd left, he carried everything into the kitchen and set to making breakfast.

Not for the first time in his life, or in the last twelve hours even, Matt thanked the universe for the magnificence that was Alex's hair because by the time he heard the hair dryer turn off, he was already plating the last of the bacon. He gave a small dance in celebration of managing to finish before she came out and nearly dropped the frying pan he was still holding. Just managing to save the scalding pan and grease from flying all over the kitchen, he set it down gingerly and heard her come out and walk across to the bedroom.

He flung himself into a seat at the table and grabbed a magazine that had been sitting on the counter, trying to look casual. A few moments later, he heard Alex walk out of the bedroom and make her way through the living room and into the kitchen. He continued to stare at the magazine in his hands, not looking up.

“What's all this?” he heard her ask, pleased surprise in her voice, and he couldn't help but let his indifferent face break into a grin.

“Breakfast!”

“Yes, I can see that,” she said happily with a roll of her eyes. She crossed her arms and leaned briefly against the doorway, watching him fondly. “But seeing as I'm completely certain there was absolutely nothing edible in this entire flat, where did it all come from?”

“Ahh, well, see, I figured you'd be in there a while because of your hair,” he mimed a huge bush around his own head as he continued, “and neither of us ate last night, so I popped over to Tesco... and then drove down to Cardiff to see the Moff and the crew and met the new bloke - and still made it back in time to whip up this rather amazing meal.”

“Oh, shut up,” she huffed, but he could see her fighting back a smile. “I was not in there  _ that _ long!”

“You were, I swear!” he laughed, “In fact, you were in there so long, it's actually tomorrow! You spent a full day in there washing and drying your hair!”

“Oh, very funny,” she said, amusement written on her face. “I don't recall you being so impatient when it's you washing it for me.”

Matt felt the very strange sensation of laughing and having his stomach clench painfully at the same time. He couldn't, however, stop himself from picturing the two of them in the shower together as he ran his hands through her curls, massaging shampoo into them. “Well, that makes two of us, because I don't recall that either. Although I very much wish I did - you'll have to let me next time.”

She only rolled her eyes once more as she pushed off from the doorframe and sauntered over to him. When she was right next to him, she cupped his face with one hand and leaned down, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Thanks for breakfast, darling,” she said before lowering herself into the chair across from him.

“Anytime,” he said and felt his grin morph into a much soppier sort of smile. He picked up his fork and twirled it once before digging into his plate of eggs, watching out of the corner of his eye as Alex similarly tucked into her meal (though without the fork twirling).

“So, we've got a whole day ahead of us,” she said lightly between bites, “what do you want to do? Anything in particular?”

“Besides having the two of us back in that bed for the rest of forever?” he said, grinning again, “No, nothing in particular.”

Alex laughed. “I think we should probably find something to do  _ outside _ the confines of the bedroom, unless it involves actual sleeping. Wouldn't want to tire you out. How's your head feeling this morning?”

Matt shrugged. “All right, I guess. Kinda painful, but I figure that's to be expected, yeah? Nothing too bad.”

Alex didn't look happy as she set her fork down. “It hurts? Matt! You should have said something earlier!”

Before he could protest, once again, that he was fine, she'd risen from her seat and dashed out of the kitchen. She arrived back only a few seconds later, carrying her purse. Setting it down on the table, she started rummaging through it. She pulled out a small bottle, opened it, and took two white pills out, thrusting them into his face. “Take these. That's what they gave them to you for, darling, honestly!”

Sheepishly, Matt took the pills from her and popped them in his mouth, downing them with a gulp of his tea. “Sorry, slipped my mind they sent me home with pain meds, and honestly it wasn't bothering me _that_ much. But thanks.”

“Mhmhm,” she hummed in response as she deposited her bag back on the floor and picked her fork back up. “Now back on the subject of today – I think we should stick close to home. You're  _ supposed _ to be resting, and you've already been out and about today,” she said with an unconvincing glare in his direction.

“Yeah, I figured as much. Have to admit, being here with you is great, but honestly, I kinda can't wait to get out of here. I think going home, being at the house, being able to look at pictures and videos and all, getting back to what life is really like would go a long way in helping. Do you think we could go back?” he asked eagerly. “Not today, obviously, but tomorrow maybe? I know you wanted to give it more time before throwing me back into real life, and you've got to worry about Salome all, but I'd really like to. Be nice to get reacquainted with everything again.”

Alex was quiet as she continued to chew, thinking over his words carefully. He watched as she mulled over her response, seeing how her brows knitted together in concern. “I suppose you're right. Being home couldn't hurt, I guess. But Matt, you do know not to expect miracles right? The doctor said it could be a while before your memories come back. I know we were both hoping we'd luck out and this would be resolved in a matter of days but that's probably not going to happen.”

“I know that,” he said glumly, head ducked as he stared at his plate, “but I hate this. I want to do everything I can to just fix this and for everything to come back and go back to normal.” He glanced up, looking at her. “Being with you these last few days has been great, Alex, I mean it. I've loved every minute of it and I love  _ you _ , but I see the way you look at me when you think I'm not paying attention or when you just can't stop yourself. I can see the way me not being able to remember anything is hurting you, and I hate that it's me causing you all this pain, because it's the last thing I'd ever want. So, yeah, I want a miracle. I want to do anything and everything to jog my memory and put things back the way they should be.”

She set her fork down and reached both her hands across the table to grasp his one hand tightly. “I'm sorry I've made you feel... I don't know... incomplete. I honestly never meant to-”

“No, Alex, I know, and it's not your fault. It's mine. If I weren't so bloody clumsy, this never would have happened.”

“Matt, this is not your fault. None of it. It was an accident. You fell, and it was an accident, and I should have rushed you to straight to the hospital. But it's no one's fault, it's just a bit of bad luck is all, and it really could have been so much worse,” she said earnestly, squeezing his hand all the tighter.

“What was I doing up on that bloody stage anyway?” he asked her, bringing his other hand up to rest on top of hers.

At this, she gave a little giggle. “The drummer was an old friend of yours from school and you were just tipsy enough for him to goad you into going up to play guitar in front of everyone.”

Matt groaned. “Oh, no, I didn't. Please tell me I didn't. I can't play nearly well enough for that! Or can I?” he asking, hoping that maybe he'd improved his guitar skills to something somewhat passable over the last few years.

“Oh, no, darling, you're still rubbish. And if it makes you feel any better, you fell before you could actually start playing,” she said, sounding almost giddy at his predicament.

“To tell the truth, I'm honestly not sure which I would have preferred, and considering how much I hate this right now, that's really telling you how much I don't want to have played that bloody guitar in front of all those people.”

Alex laughed. “I would have pulled you off that stage before you made too much of a fool out of yourself. And there really weren't many people there. It was luckily a very small crowd, which is why, as far as I know, the story of your accident hasn't leaked to the press yet.”

“God, I really hadn't even thought about that. You're sure there's nothing?” he asked.

“Well, not that I've seen, and no one has texted or called asking how you're doing outside of the people we told – namely, your parents and sister, and my parents, Nicola, and Salome. I know Karen's going to kill me for not telling her first-off. Arthur too, I'd imagine.” She bit her lip, obviously worrying about braving the wrath of their friends.

He shrugged. “We can call them up today, let them know if you like. And Salome, too. I said I'd call her yesterday and never did.”

“Yes, Salome is a must, especially if we end up going home tomorrow. I don't want to blindside her with this. I'll call her as soon as she gets home from school, then maybe we can Skype her together later tonight? Assure her I'm not understating your condition and that you're not laying in a hospital bed dying?”

“Yeah, yeah, definitely!” Matt said enthusiastically, nodding his head at her words. “Can't wait to see her! How old is she now? She was what – ten last time I saw her? So that makes her... blimey! Fourteen? That can't be right!”

“Oh yes,” she said and this time when she laughed, he could hear the faintest trace of sadness, “Fourteen. My little girl is all grown up. Or so she'd like us to believe at least.”

“I don't like that. She was a little girl last time I remember seeing her.” Matt shook his head in disbelief and dismay. “Now, I know I'm not  _ actually _ her dad, but seeing as he's all the way over in America and she's here with us, tell me I'm allowed to terrify all the boys she brings around? Please? Because she's too young for that and I can be the one to scare them off!”

“Thankfully, the subject hasn't quite come up yet,” she said happily, “but I promise, when it does, the job is yours. It's one of the few things you and Florian are in agreement over, and if he's not around to do it, I'm sure he'd want you to step in. Though I must say, darling, I don't think you'd be quite scary enough to do any good.”

Matt gasped indignantly. “And what is that supposed to mean? I can be plenty scary! I can do a terrifying Oncoming Storm!”

“Yes, you did an amazing job playing a scary Doctor when you needed to, and you don't even remember some of the best parts of it, but when it comes to you in real life, darling, you're rather like an overexcited puppy. Not the least bit terrifying. Not even to a fourteen year old boy.”

“Kingston! Take that back!” he gasped once more in mock outrage. “I can be so scary no boy would ever dare to darken our doorstep again! Salome would become an old maid, never marrying, all because her loving stepdad scared her first boyfriend so badly no boy ever dared return!”

Alex continued to chuckle as she pulled her hands back and set to finishing her breakfast. “Whatever you say, darling. Although it really would be a shame if she started hating you now, after all this time. Usually stepfathers start out in the doghouse and get better. It'd be a shame for you to do the opposite, seeing as how fond she's always been of you. As for me, I'm just enjoying what little time I have left before any of that starts happening.” There was a pronounced twinkle in her eye as she spoke about Salome, as there always was, and he loved it.

They finished what was left of their meal in companionable silence and Alex volunteered to clean up while he grabbed the shower he'd wanted earlier. When he came out, fully dressed and dried, less than fifteen minutes later, he found Alex seated on the couch, laptop open on her lap.

“Where'd that come from?” he asked her, mildly surprised. He hadn't seen a computer lying around since waking up the other day.

“It was in a bag in the bedroom,” she said, only half paying attention. “Haven't used it all weekend, obviously. Only brought mine in case I needed to Skype Salome. You, being the technophobe you are, refused to bring yours for a short, romantic weekend away.”

“Well, what would I need it for? I probably didn't plan on getting out of bed all weekend,” he joked as he sat down next to her and draped an arm over her shoulder.

“Oh hush, you!” she laughed, shifting a bit to lean her back against his chest a bit and he responded by laughing and dropping his chin to her shoulder, glancing at the screen.

“I'm serious!” he protested, “If last night – or this morning – are anything to go by, I don't know how I ever get out of bed in the morning!

“Yes, well the feeling's certainly mutual, darling. You may not be particularly good at scaring teenage boys, but you're definitely extremely talented in bed.”

“Ehh, not nearly as good as you,” he said, nuzzling the top of his head against her cheek and lowering his arm to run gently up and down her ribs. “And besides, you're my wife, you have to say that.”

She laughed. “I'm your wife, I don't have to say anything of the sort.”

He snorted. “Fair enough.” He placed a kiss to the corner of her mouth and she turned her head, kissing him more firmly on the lips. He brought the hand not draped around the back of her body up across her front, running it under the hem of her shirt and trailed it up to cup her breast.

She moaned into his mouth and broke away. “Again? Darling, we both just got cleaned up,” she said with a breathless laugh.

“I don't care,” he mumbled, trailing kisses down her neck. He started to push her shirt up her body and she pulled away enough to let him pull it over her head as she twisted her body so she was completely facing him and straddling his waist. He reached down and pulled his own shirt from his back, tossing it aside. “You've created a monster, Alex. Because now that I've had a taste of you, I won't ever not want you.”

She reached behind her and undid the clasp of her bra, tossing it aside and grabbing hold of his hands, bringing them up to cup her breasts. Moaning at the feel of his hands on her, she pushed her hips down over his straining erection, grinding her hips into it and making them both moan. “You seriously underestimate how desirable you are yourself, darling,” she gasped out and leaned between them to undo his trousers, pulling them and his pants down just far enough to release his cock, then leaned backwards on the couch to divest herself of her own jeans and knickers. Crawling back up his body, she rocked back against him as he ran his fingers through the heat between her thighs, thumbing at her clit. “God, Matt!” she cried out, clutching at his arms.

He sat up quickly, just enough to kiss her, feeling her mouth open over his for him to stroke at her tongue and then fell back against the cushions again. “I'm all right, but you, Alex, are heaven and hell all rolled into one. You're bloody amazing!” he gasped out, thrusting his hips up, seeking friction and the wet heat of her body.

She couldn't seem to wait any longer, which suited him just fine because he really couldn't either. She reached between them, grabbed his cock, and positioned it at her entrance before sinking down over him. This time when they made love, it wasn't slow. It was fast and rough, with both of them crying out and curses flying from their lips. Her hips continued to rise and fall over him, coming quicker and harder with every stroke until she broke, crying out her release. Matt watched in fascination as she threw her head back (it would always be fascinating to see her come, he thought, no matter how many times he watched it happen). That plus the continued rhythm of her hips brought his orgasm about only a few moments later.

She collapsed on top of him, breath coming in gasps and body shaking. He shifted and moved to let her lay on her side next to him. She rested her head on his chest and he pressed a kiss to her temple, wrapping his arm securely around her waist, pulling her close to him.

“You know,” he said quietly a few minutes later, once both of their heartbeats had returned to normal, “I've pretty much adjusted to the idea of all of this. You know, head injury, marriage, stepdad, all of it. But this, when I get to make love to you, this is when it still feels so much like a dream. Like this couldn't possibly be real because I'm just not that lucky.”

“Well, you're definitely lucky, darling,” she laughed and pressed a kiss to his chest, “but not as lucky as I am. Even now, without any memory of us as a couple, you still say the sweetest things and still manage to make me feel so completely loved. So don't you ever think again that I'm comparing you to the you from before the accident. You may not have the memories, but trust me, you're still absolutely the same man. The man I fell in love with and the man I married, the only man I ever would have trusted with my heart again.”

Matt didn't know how to respond to that so he only pressed another kiss to her temple and held her even tighter.

 

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

 

They stayed lying together in the silence like that for a little while longer, but eventually they both started to get stiff from their position on the sofa and sat up. They flicked through the television channels, looking for something decent to watch before deciding on a film that was just starting.

One of Matt's episodes of Doctor Who was playing, from the seventh series that he couldn't remember filming, but he wasn't in the mood to pay attention to the plot of it, like he would normally have to. Instead, they sat curled up on the sofa with a blanket thrown over them as they watched a ridiculous action film. Matt couldn't help but poke fun at every part that he couldn't make sense of while Alex shushed him and tried to pay attention.

A couple of hours later, the film ended and Matt, looking around for something to entertain them, noticed the computer Alex had set aside earlier.

“So what were you looking at on there before?” he asked her gesturing to the laptop, “I only got a glimpse before and I wasn't really paying attention to be honest.” 

“Hmm?” she said, looking away from the television to see what he was talking about. “Oh, that? I was just checking to see if anyone had gotten a hold of the story of your accident yet. I didn't find anything, and if nothing's up by now, I seriously doubt it's going to pop up later. But I  _ had _ just remembered - before you  _ distracted _ me - that I had a few pictures on here - and on our phones - that I'd forgotten about. Not many, just a few dozen I think, because I tend to get everything printed immediately and just save the files on memory cards, but there are some if you want to go through them. I know you wanted to look at more yesterday.

“Brilliant, yeah, of course I wanna see!” he said excitedly, reaching over to bring the laptop over to sit across both of their laps. “What have we got on here?”

“It's a bit of a jumble, mostly shots that other people took and emailed to me,” she told him. She moved the cursor over to open the picture folder and let him scroll through a few before opening them all in a larger view. “That's Salome's dance recital... told you it was a bit of everything,” she said as he looked at the first picture of Salome on stage in a leotard with other similarly dressed girls. He went onto the second one. “And those are the dogs, the ones Florian kept. Salome sent the picture. Apparently they were learning some new trick or other and she needed to share... Now, that one,” she said as he opened a file that actually showed he and Alex together, “that was taken the night we got together. Before it actually happened, obviously, but that same night. Karen took it and sent it the next day. She definitely wasn't surprised when we started to tell people about us a few months later.”

Matt could see why. He and Alex were sitting across from each other, with the picture having been taken from the end of the table, showing the two of them smiling. Alex only seemed to be looking at him out of the corner of her eye, but Matt was looking at her determinedly, his gaze clearly hungry as he watched her mid-laugh, obviously at some joke someone was telling at the table.

“How long before we told everyone?” he asked her, still looking at the picture.

“Well, we told our families and our close friends probably about two months later, once we were both reasonably sure it was going to last a while and that I wasn't going to just go running off,” she said lightly. “But we didn't go public until about two and a half years later, a couple months after we got engaged. It was actually at the event where your last episode as the Doctor was first shown. We went together, and if that wasn't enough to start the rumor mill up and running, your grabbed my hand during the Q&A session in just the right way to make sure all the reporters caught a glimpse of my ring, and announced it right then and there in front of everyone. The press went mad,” she finished with a laugh.

“That must have been hard, they're never very complimentary,” he said, imagining all the terrible things that were likely said about the both of them, but most especially her. He couldn't stand the thought.

“It actually wasn't nearly as bad as I expected. The papers mostly came out in support or at least indifference. And a good number of the fans went wild with support. Not everyone was so great, of course, but it was much easier to take in all the good comments and ignore the bad than we ever expected. That was nearly two years ago now. After the wedding, most of the hype died down. It's not all over the place anymore. I think you being off the show definitely helped with that, and my occasional appearances aren't enough to start the tabloids up again.

Grinning from the story and vowing to get more specific details from her later, Matt moved on to the next picture. It was a picture of he and Salome, and it looked, from the close up angle of it that either Matt or Salome had taken it themselves. He listened to Alex start to tell him about that particular day, when he'd taken Salome out on his own not long after he and Alex got together. He let the happy thoughts invade his brain as he listened to her words, happier than he thought possible just looking at pictures of his life.

They kept clicking through, coming up mostly with shots of some combination of he, Alex, and Salome, with some pictures thrown in of him on set with Karen and Arthur, and even a few of the new girl, Jenna, who'd come onto the show after they'd left. They spent the next couple of hours scrolling slowly through the pictures, stopping at each one as Alex told the reasonably lengthy story that was behind them all.

Later, they would have to move off the couch and out of the little world they'd made nestled together. They would have to get dressed, grab lunch and call Karen and Arthur and Salome, and maybe even a few other people. They would have to pack their things together, clean up the flat and prepare to go back to their home in the morning, all of which Matt was very much looking forward to. But for now, while they still had time before needing to get those things done, he was extremely happy exactly where he was.  

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all have the right to form a mob an come after me for the amount of time I took to finish this bit up. The last couple weeks of the semester just about killed me, but finals are now over, and I hope this chapter makes up for the long wait!

Later that afternoon, once the thirty or so pictures had been gone through, stories had been told and laughed at, and lunch had been eaten, Alex finally pushed herself up off the couch, excusing herself to call Salome.

“You sure you don't just wanna Skype her now? Or call her together?” he asked doubtfully as she made to move into the other room.

“Yes, I think it's best if I talk to her first, explain things properly, on my own. Give her time to adjust and ask questions before you actually come in,” she said, leaning down to where he still sat to press a kiss to his cheek.

“Yeah, suppose you're right,” he said, leaning back on the sofa and reaching for the remote to the television as she walked out of the room and into the bedroom. For the next fifteen minutes, he entertained himself with flicking through the channels, finally settling on a football match. Matt could hear Alex murmuring from the other room but couldn't make out any words. He was tempted to turn down the volume of the telly so he could hear what she was actually saying, but he managed to stop himself and give them their privacy.

He didn't know why he was so nervous about telling Salome what was going on, or in fact, just talking to her at all, especially when he knew he wanted to. The prospect just made him unaccountably nervous. He supposed he just didn't want to disappoint the girl. Alex seemed to be feeling better about the situation, or at least was doing a much better job at faking it, but he'd seen all too clearly how his memory loss had affected her just that morning. He didn't want to cause the same sort of hurt or confusion for her daughter. They'd had a decently close relationship before, considering he had basically just been some bloke her mum worked with sometimes, and it seemed like they were even closer now. He didn't want to ruin that.

Lost in thought as he was, he still snapped to attention the second that Alex walked back into the room. He paused the TV and sat up straight, turning to face her expectantly. “So... how'd it go?”

Walking over, Alex flopped down next to him, dropping her head into his lap and draping her legs over the arm of the sofa, letting let out a sigh. “Well, she's angry with me for not telling her sooner, but other than that, she took it rather well.”

Matt chuckled lightly. “Knew we should have called yesterday,” he said, running his fingers gently through her hair as he looked down at her.

“Well, as I told her, I intended to, but you know very well we ended up getting pretty distracted, darling.” She grinned up at him.

“Well, as long as you didn't mention what we got distracted by,” he said with a laugh.

She giggled along with him. “No, I thought I'd spare her that particular trauma.”

“So besides being upset that you waited to fill her in, what else did she say?” he asked her, feeling the tightening of nerves in his gut. He brought his hand that wasn't currently playing with her hair to rest on her stomach, still marveling that he got to do this, be close to her and touch her like this. It still felt so new to him.

She grasped his hand, twining her fingers between his as she gazed up at him. “About what I expected. She's concerned about you, upset that you're hurt. Worried, I'm sure, that you're much worse off than I'm making you sound. She didn't say, but I can tell she's a bit frightened by you not remembering, and that you won't get your memories back.”

Matt grimaced. “Yeah, well, she's not the only one.”

Alex responded only by humming softly and stroking her thumb over the back of his hand. They were quiet for a few moments before she spoke again. “She  _ is _ rather eager to speak to you. Asked if she could Skype you, check in on you herself. I told her you were resting, but that I'd try to get you on later,” she said, biting her lip.

“Alex!” he said, half laughing and half outraged, “Why would you lie to her? I'm not resting! I mean I am, in the sense that I'm not really doing anything, but I'm not laid up in bed sleeping! And you probably just worried her even more, thinking I can't even sit up and speak into a camera!” He shook his head in disbelief.

“I know,” she said, guilt shining through her eyes at his stern glare, “I just didn't want to force you into a surprise Skype call with no warning. I wasn't sure you'd be quite up to it yet.”

“It was my idea to call her myself!” he exclaimed and motioned for her to sit up. As she started to push herself off his lap, he said, “Come on! Let's give the Poppet a call, prove to her I'm not bedridden and dying.” He reached over to the coffee table and grabbed her laptop, bringing it over and opening it, only to find it password-locked. He shoved it into her lap. “Come on, unlock it and let's go.”

She eyes him warily. “You're sure about this?”

“Yes!” he lied eagerly, waving his hands to spur her on.

“All right, all right,” she chuckled and opened the computer, pulling up the Skype window. A few seconds later, she was sitting upright next to him, shoulder-to-shoulder with the laptop sitting in the middle of their joined laps, and clicking on Salome's icon, pressing the call button.

Gathering his nerve and confidence, Matt shot Alex a grin and leaned forward a bit, readying himself for the coming conversation. After just a few short seconds, the chime of the connection ceased and Salome's face popped up on the screen.

“Mom? That was fast!” she exclaimed, then spotted Matt sitting next to Alex. “Matty! Oh my God, how are you?”

She was easily recognizable and her voice was nearly the same, but seeing Salome now, so much older than he remembered, did more than anything else this weekend to impress the passage of time onto his mind. Neither he nor Alex looked noticeably different from how he remembered, but Salome had aged from ten to fourteen seemingly overnight. The change, though not unexpected, rattled his brain more than he'd expected it to. Four and a half years had passed, and while he'd felt the effects and changes that had happened during them, it wasn't until now that he appreciated the actual passage of time, the  _ years _ of his life that were just gone. He shook himself mentally, clearing his head.

“Hey, Poppet!” He grinned at her and waved sheepishly. “I'm doing all right. How about you?”

Leaning forward, as if hoping to just come through the screen, she answered, “ _ I'm _ fine. You're the one who just got out of the hospital! What happened? Mom didn't really say,” she finished with a glancing glare at Alex, who merely rolled her eyes.

Matt laughed. “I think your mum was just trying not to worry you. I just hit my head, nothing out of character, as I'm sure you know. I'm fine!” he said, trying to be convincing by moving his head and arms around excitedly, ignoring the slight stab of pain that shot through his head at the sudden movement. “See?”

He saw her biting her lip, unconvinced. “But you don't remember anything, right?”

Matt shook his head, “No, I remember loads! Just not, you know... the more recent stuff.” He looked to his left and shared a look with Alex as he felt the guilt well up once more in his chest.

“Not since you and Mom got together, you mean.” He could hear the soft strains of disappointment in her voice, hating himself again.

“Well – er – yeah, since about then, I guess, yeah,” he said, then hoping to lighten the dejected look on her face, continued, “How long is that, anyway? Cuz you know your mum never ages a day, so I can't tell from her, but you've got to be what – twenty? Twenty-five by now?”

Salome rolled her eyes at his attempt at a joke (looking so like her mother he simply had no choice but to break into a grin) but he could see her fighting off a smile by the twitch in the corner of her mouth. “Matt!”

“What?” he shrugged as both Alex and Salome looked at him with twin looks of fondness on their faces. “Last I remember, you were a little girl with baby teeth and pigtails, and now you're all grown up!”

The girl just smiled and shook her head. “When are you guys coming home?” she asked after a moment.

Matt glanced over at Alex. “Tomorrow,” she said, speaking for the first time since connecting with Salome. “Matt figures he's had enough recuperation time and wants to come home and start getting used to things.”

Salome's face perked up. “Really? Already? You made it sound like you'd be gone for ages!”

“Well, I had planned to stay longer,” Alex told her daughter, “but you know Matt – he's very obstinate.”

Matt gave an indignant yelp. “Oi! I am not obstinate! I just figured there's only so much to do here... going back would probably help me remember a lot faster!”

Alex rolled her eyes and pressed a kiss to his cheek as Salome's giggle echoed from the computer. “Of course, dear. Going back  _ will _ do you good, I'm sure. Doesn't mean you would have been easy to live with if I didn't agree.” Then she turned back towards Salome. “We'll probably head back in the morning, so I'll stop by your grandparents' house to pick up your things, then you just come home after school, all right?”

“Ok, sounds good,” Salome replied cheerfully then fell silent for a moment before continuing. “I should probably go... I just got home and I have a ton of homework to get through tonight. Plus now I've got to pack. You're sure you're ok, right, Matt?”

He took in her worried and slightly mournful expression as she talked about saying goodbye. He was incredibly glad that he really was, by and large, perfectly fine, because if there  _ were _ something more serious wrong with him, he didn't know how he'd break the news to the girl.

“Yeah, Sal, I'm all right, I promise,” he said and shot her his most confident smile.

She didn't look entirely convinced but seemed to be appeased for now at least as she smiled back at him. “I wish I could hug you right now.”

Chest swelling with emotion, he could feel his throat catch as he replied. “You save that hug for tomorrow when you see me, okay?”

“I will, I promise,” she said with a shaky laugh. “Bye, Matty. Bye, Mom.”

After he and Alex responded with their own goodbyes, the call was ended and the two of them were left staring at the blank screen. A few moments later, Alex shook herself out of her thoughts and reached forward, shutting the laptop before breaking the silence. “Well, I don't think she's entirely worry-free yet, but I think seeing you and speaking to you did a world of good towards setting her mind at ease.”

“Good,” Matt responded, trying to clear his own head of thoughts that insisted on running rampant inside his head. “Really good. I'm glad I could help.”

Sensing his distraction, Alex nudged his shoulder with her own and leaned back against the sofa. “What's the matter?”

“Nothing!” he said, shaking his head and leaning back as well, resting his head on top of hers, turning his face towards her hair and just breathing her in for a few seconds. “It's just... Wow. She's all grown up. I mean, I know she's not really, but compared to how I remember her - it really has been four years, hasn't it?”

Alex hummed softly, a melancholy note hanging in the air. “Yes, it certainly has. You all right with that?”

“No,” he said softly, but firmly. “No, I'm not all right with it being more than four years of my life just... gone. I'm not all right with not remembering being with you, or seeing Salome grow up, or anything that's happened or any of this great, big, huge block of  _ time _ that's just disappeared from my head. I hate it. I really fucking hate it... but I don't hate where all that time has led to. I just hate that I can't remember getting here.” He shut his eyes against the light of the room, just drinking in the smell and feel of her hair against his face, trying not to think about what they were talking about too deeply.

“Oh, darling,” she murmured, bringing her hand up to cup his face gently. The angle was awkward but the gesture helped to sooth the unpleasantness in him. “I know. I hate it too, trust me. But this is going to pass. You're going to get better, all your memories will come back. It's just going to take some time.”

“I don't wanna wait. I want it all back  _ now _ . I want to have you here next to me and be able to remember everything that came before this.”

“Matt, it hasn't even been three days yet. We're just going to have to be patient. We'll take it easy the rest of today, call Karen and Arthur and Steven and whoever else you want to, then we'll head back tomorrow, and start easing you back into normal life. We'll do this however you want to, and hopefully make this as easy and painless and quick as possible, but you can't expect miracles. It's not going to come back overnight.”

“I know,” he muttered into her hair, “I guess I'm just not very good at being patient, especially now that I know I have everything – I just want to be able to remember getting it.”

“You will,” she told him firmly and turned her head, kissing him. “And if you don't, we'll just go ahead and make new memories.”

“Well, that I could get on board with,” Matt laughed softly before tilting his head to kiss her again. She responded with equal fervor for a few moments before breaking away with a smile.

“All right, now what do you want to do? Make some more calls?” she asked, slightly breathlessly.

“Not what I had in mind, but, yeah, calls would be good. As you said; Karen, Arthur, Steven, maybe Laura. I think that's about all I could handle right now, though.”

And so they busied themselves for the rest of the afternoon calling the people he cared for most whom he hadn't yet spoken to. He'd ended up calling his sister first, figuring she had probably already heard what had happened and had just been too busy to call. After connecting, she'd squealed excitedly over hearing from him and explained that she'd purposefully not called yet and had been giving him time to adjust to the strangeness around him. (“Dad said you seemed a bit spooked by everything that was happening. Happy, but spooked. Didn't want to put any added stress on your shoulders, little brother.”)

For the other calls, however, Matt wanted to put Alex on the line first to explain what had happened before taking over and talking to Arthur and the two Scotts himself. He figured it would be less strange and awkward than calling each of them up randomly only to explain that he couldn't remember anything. Arthur and Steven had both taken the news quite well. Both had been worried, expressing concern and asking over his mental and physical well-being, before promising to check in often, chatting a bit, and letting him go. When it came time to call Karen, however, Matt almost felt bad for asking Alex to break the news to her, knowing that the high-pitched screams likely to come from the Scott's mouth would most probably pierce Alex's eardrums.

“I would say you're overreacting, but I've known Karen just as long as you have,” Alex had sighed as she picked up the phone to dial Karen's number. “You're going to owe me after this.”

“I think I can think of a couple ways to make it up to you,” he said suggestively, waggling his eyebrows. She laughed, slapping his shoulder and shushing him as the phone rang.

Matt laughed and positioned himself right up against her shoulder, getting into the best position to hear the other end of the line, as he had done for the other conversations. After a few moments, he heard Karen answer.

“Alex! Hi! How's my brilliant daughter doing today?” Karen's excited voice rang out, bright and clear, and Matt couldn't help the smile that crossed his face as he heard it. Sounded like she hadn't changed a bit.

Chuckling, Alex responded, “I'm good, dear, good. How are you doing?”

Karen launched immediately into a rather long-winded story about her current project and costars and how one of the assistants on set seemed to be half-obsessed with her. After a couple of minutes rambling, however, she seemed to notice Alex's lack of meaningful responses and caught herself. “But sorry, damn, you probably didn't call to hear about my boring filming schedule. What's going on?”

Looking at Alex, Matt could see her brace herself before she started talking. “Well, it's not much, and everything really is fine, but we just figured we should let you know... Matt had a bit of an accident the other night.”

Karen snorted. “That supposed to surprise me? Doesn't he have an accident just about every day? I'm surprised that man can get out of bed every morning without breaking his neck.”

“Well, yes, I supposed you're right,” Alex agreed and ignored the pointed glare Matt threw at her, “but this time it was a bit more serious.”

Karen still sounded unworried, with only the smallest touch of concern seeping through her voice. “So, what'd the poor guy do this time? Trip going down the stairs and break a leg? Slam his hand in a door? Don't tell me he pulled his back out in bed! I'm always surprised that's not happened yet, but I really don't need the mental images, thank you!”

“Well, actually, Karen, he hit his head. Pretty badly, I'm afraid,” Alex's voice, which just moments before held amusement and confidence now wavered under the emotion of telling someone about the accident for the fourth time that afternoon. Matt wrapped his arm around her shoulders, squeezing gently in support. She glanced at him with gratitude in her eyes as Karen took a moment to process what Alex had told her.

“What do you mean 'badly?'” Karen finally asked, her voice growing louder and higher-pitched with each word. “What happened? Is he ok?”

“Yes, thankfully, physically he's perfectly fine. Just sporting a nasty bump and some headaches. But he's having some… memory problems now.”

“What do you mean,  _ 'memory problems?' _ ” Karen exclaimed, her voice reaching levels that made Matt wince and Alex pull the phone back slightly from her head. “Alex -!”

“Karen, dear, he's okay, I promise! He just can't remember some things.”

Karen took a deep breath. “What sort of things?”

“The last four and a half years,” Alex said, almost questioningly, cautious of the forthcoming reaction.

As expected, the strangled sound of distress coming from Karen's mouth was nearly enough to crack a window.  _ “What do you mean the last four and a half years?” _

Karen might as well have been in the room with them. Matt certainly didn't need to be pressed up against Alex to hear her, and if he thought she wouldn't hurt him, he would have jumped across the room to get away from the noise.

Taking a deep breath, Alex continued. “The doctors say it's temporary and that it's all going to come back, but it's only been a couple of days so far.”

“Where is he?”

“He's right here, trying to tune out the Scottishness in your voice,” Alex said soothingly. “Want to talk to him?”

“Put the idiot on the phone,” Karen said grumpily, somehow calmer and resigned to dealing with the situation.

Wordlessly, Alex passed the phone to Matt, who grimaced before picking it up and holding it gingerly to his ear, ready to pull it away at the first sign of attack, moving away a bit to give Alex a break from the noise. “Hey, Kazza, how's it going?”

“Don't you  _ 'how's it going? _ ' me! What did you do to yourself?” she screeched in his ear.

“Well, according to Alex, I slammed my head against a stage... and then again against the ground. We have to take her word on it though, because I don't remember any of it,” he half joked.

“Dammit, Matt! I knew one day your stupid, bloody clumsiness would get the better of you! So what? You have, like, amnesia now?”

“Well, yeah, a form of it,” he said slowly. “I mean, not completely, like in films – I remember who I am and most of my life and all – it's just the last few years that are a complete blank.”

“So wait – four and a half years? So you remember me and playing the Doctor and all. But that puts you right around the time you and Alex first got together – oh, my God! Do you remember Alex?”

Glancing at the woman in question guiltily, hoping she couldn't hear as well as he'd been able to before, he responded hotly. “Of course I do!”

“But you don't remember being with her, do you?” Matt knew if the situation weren't so serious, Karen's voice would be full of smugness.

“Well, no. Not exactly,” he admitted, “but I will. And it's been nice getting used to, you know, married life and all -”

“Eugh! No! Stop right there!” Karen yelled out, and he could practically hear her covering her ears with her hands. “I don't need to hear anything about you  _ adjusting to married life _ , Smith!”

“What? Kaz! No!” he exclaimed, feeling a blush rise on his cheeks and watching Alex smirk at him from the other side of the sofa. “That's not what I – well, I mean, yes, that too, but – no! No! That's not what I meant!”

Karen ended up keeping him on the line for a while, asking questions and seemingly unable to decide whether to sympathize or be angry with him for being clumsy enough to get himself in the situation in the first place. Eventually, she asked to speak to Alex once more, whom she apparently spoke to with much more kindness than she had with him while he scowled and looked on.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

That evening, hours later, Matt found himself sitting in the bedroom as Alex walked out of the closet, dragging two small suitcases behind her and tossing them onto the bed.

“Did we really need two separate suitcases?” he asked eyeing them closely. “I mean we really didn't seem to bring a lot of stuff with us.”

“A lot, no, but your suit, my dress, and both of our dress shoes for Friday night took up a bit of space on their own,” she answered him as she bent down to scoop up the pile of clothes strewn on the floor under her. When she stood back up, Matt did his best to pretend he hadn't been staring at the view she'd presented him with, but judging by the roll of her eyes, he hadn't done a very good job.

“Anyway, I'd really rather just get most of the packing done tonight, so we don't have much of it to worry about in the morning. We should try to leave as early as possible, so you have time to familiarize yourself as much as possible before Salome gets home.”

Matt nodded and looked around the room as he thought. “You know, we both keep saying that I need to get back into the swing of things, get used to my new life, but I don't really know what that entails. What exactly do I do every day? Have I got a job going on right now? Is there a director somewhere I should have called this weekend?”

Laughing gently, Alex said, “Darling, do you honestly think if you had to be anywhere today, I would have just let you skip it without taking care of talking to someone for you first? I hate to say it, because it'll never be a good  _ anything _ , but this really did come at a rather perfect time for the both of us, professionally. You just finished up a very well-received debut show on the West End, and I just finished a small film, but both us have a bit of time off for a little while. It wasn't really planned, but we both figured it would be nice once it was decided Salome would be coming over to stay, and it's the first extended break either of us have really had in ages. After the New Year, you've got a movie lined up, then I go back to shooting  _ Who _ for a bit not long after that.”

“So, I'm on vacation?”

“Outside of a few promotional things and public appearances and the like, none of which you have scheduled in the next few weeks, yes, you are.”

He grinned. “And do we have anything planned for this period of time when we both have absolutely nothing to do?”

Alex turned away, avoiding his gaze, and continued to fold a few of his shirts. “Well, that's sort of what this weekend was supposed to be – celebrating our newfound freedom from work commitments.”

Frowning, Matt stood up, made his way over to her, and wrapped his arms around her from behind. “Well, I've gone and buggered that up! We spent all weekend dealing with all this hospital nonsense. We barely got any time to enjoy ourselves. We'll just have to reschedule and try again,” he said before pressing a kiss against her neck.

“Oh, really? Now, I know you don't remember Friday night, but are you saying you didn't have plenty of  _ fun _ last night?” she asked. He just kissed her neck again, a little lower. “Or this morning?” Another kiss. “Or how about after breakfast?” she asked him, voice slightly breathless as he pressed another kiss to her neck, holding onto her waist tighter.

“Oh, no, that was all loads of  _ fun _ ,” he muttered into her ear. “It's just that if none of this was happening, I can't imagine we ever would have left the bed all weekend. We were here to celebrate after all, right?”

“You're the one who fell, dear,” she laughed, turning in his arms and kissing him soundly.

Breaking away, he just looked at her a moment, still coming to terms with the fact that this was all actually happening. “And I'll never forgive myself. Look what I've robbed myself of.”

Bringing her arms up around his neck, Alex quietly said, “You haven't robbed yourself of anything, darling. Everything you had is still here, whether you remember it or not.”

Leading them closer to the bed until they both tumbled down onto it, Matt let his hands and his lips wander. “Promise?” he asked between pressing kisses to her neck and collarbone.

“Promise,” she gasped out, bringing her hands up to push his shirt up and over his head.

By the time they had both rid themselves of all their clothes, Matt was already half out of his mind with need. He lowered his head to lick at her breasts, taking her nipple between his teeth, scraping them against her sensitive flesh and making Alex cry out. She brought her hand down, pumping his cock up and down a few times, running her thumb over the head maddeningly slowly, which only served to make him groan out and his hips buck violently. “Jesus, Alex, I can't-”

“Shh, darling, it's all right, I know.” She lifted her hips, lining her entrance up with his cock, allowing him to slip blissfully inside. He hissed at the sensation of wet warmth wrapping tightly around him and heard her cry out beneath him. Slowly, he rocked his hips forward, seating himself further inside her, reveling in the moan escaping from her.

Pausing to stare in wonder at her, he couldn't help but murmur, “My God, you're beautiful.”

“You're not half bad yourself, darling,” she said, her breath hitching as she grabbed at his back, digging her nails in. The burning pain only heightened the pleasure shooting through his body. Her leg came up to wrap around his arse, trying to pull him closer, to get him to move, but he resisted, straining to stay in place just a few moments longer.

“No, Alex, you're something else all together. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever met. You're kind, and funny, and absolutely filthy-minded. Incredibly talented. You're an amazing mum. And you put up with me, you let me touch you like this. You love me and let me love you, and all of that just makes you all the more beautiful. You drive me mad, Kingston, you always have.”

“Fuck, Matt!” she groaned into his chest. She leaned her head up and pressed a kiss to the center of his chest. “You've always driven me mad, right from the beginning. You're driving me mad right now. Please, darling, I can't take it, move!”

Finally relenting, he pulled his hips back slowly before snapping them forward again, filling her quickly and forcefully. He repeated the motion, pulling back slowly and thrusting suddenly back in, over and over, creating a rhythm that they both seemed to be more than happy with, judging by the cries coming from her mouth.

It wasn't long before they both came, together, crying out and gasping. Matt found himself pulling out and collapsing on top of her, burying his face in her neck, trying to nip at her ear and neck and collarbone while trying to catch his breath. Finally surrendering to the need for air, he rolled over and threw his arm around her waist. She turned on her side, away from him, but clasped his hand around her waist in hers tightly and allowed him to slip his leg between hers, sighing happily at the feel of them wrapped together. He was just starting to feel the drowsiness of sleep seep in at the edge of his mind when her voice stirred him back to consciousness.

“Matt?” she murmured quietly into the silent air around them.

“Yeah?”

“When we go home tomorrow, there's going to be a lot for you to get used to.”

“I know,” he said, speaking into her hair. “I can't wait.”

“But there's something I haven't told you yet. There's going to be even more that you're going to have to get used to pretty soon. Something we're both going to be adjusting to.”

His curiosity piqued, he shifted up onto his elbow, trying to get a better look at her face. “Like what?”

She paused a moment, during which she seemed to make up her mind about continuing. “We didn't just come to London to celebrate being on holiday,” she said quietly, and he couldn't quite determine the emotions behind the tone of her voice. He heard her take a deep breath. “Matt, not long after the wedding, we started looking into adopting.”

Matt felt his jaw drop open. “Adopting? You mean like a baby – or – or – or a kid? A  _ child _ ? Wait - you don't mean adopting a dog or something, right?”

Giggling softly, Alex allowed herself to turn over in his arms to face him. Her eyes were bright and although her voice had so far held a slightly mournful edge to it as she spoke, he could see the happiness bubbling under the calm facade of her face. “No, definitely not a dog. We were approved a few months ago and have been waiting for them to find a match for us ever since. The agency called last week, looking to set up a meeting for Friday. That's what prompted this trip in the first place.”

Matt tried to speak but only succeeded in choking on air. He tried again. “And - and what happened at the meeting?”

“They told us that they had a lovely one year old little boy who desperately needed a family. And they thought he would be a good match for us.” Alex's voice trembled with emotion and he could see the start of unshed tears gather in her eyes. However, after a few seconds without hearing a response from her, he watched as she bit at her lip again, a look of worry crossing her face as she watched him. “Matt, say something, please. You wanted this before, but if this is too sudden, too much, it's not too late to back out -”

“Are you mad?” he asked her quickly, the widest grin possible breaking out across his face as he finally found his voice. “Back out? Why the hell would I want to back out? This is brilliant! This is amazing!” He kissed her forehead quickly. “Alex, we're going to be parents! I'm gonna be a dad! A real, proper dad! I mean, we've got Salome, and God knows I love that little girl to bits, but she has a dad, and I could never take his place, no matter how much I may want to. But now – wow - this is the absolute last thing I expected, but, hell if it's not the best!”

Alex pressed her hands up against his chest. “Are you sure, darling? This is an awful lot to take in, even without the concussion and memory loss. There's so much you still have to adjust to and the timetable on this is going to be pretty quick now. Are you sure you still want to do this? I promise, I won't be mad if you say no.”

“Never!” he grinned, feeling the rush of adrenaline the news had given him spread through his chest, fighting for dominance with the feeling of pure happiness and excitement running through him. “Alex, when I woke up the other day and realized what was happening, I thought that I'd go through life with you and Salome and be more than happy with that. I didn't expect anything more, and it would have been enough, honestly, it would have. But now that you've told me about this – Christ, how can you expect me to make the  _ both _ of us give it up just because of a bump to the head? My memories will come back eventually, but we may not get another chance like this again.”

He brought his lips to hers properly this time, luxuriating in the feel of her mouth moving under his. He pulled away and rested his forehead against hers, breathing slowly, and looked into her eyes, willing her to see the happiness in his own.

She stared at him, mouth slightly open but still smiling, as she mulled over his words. Finally, she responded with what he assumed was the only thing she could form into a coherent sentence. “God, I love you.”

Chuckling, Matt kissed her again, feeling like he would never, ever get enough of her. “I love you too. And I love Salome. And I love this little boy. What's his name? When do we get him? I can't say I'm very up on all the rules and laws that go into adoption. Seems like I missed all the difficult parts.”

“His name is James, though they've taken to calling him Jamie for short,” Alex said, quietly but very happily. “We went ahead and interviewed with his social workers, and got to meet him briefly on Friday. The social workers want to come out and do one more home inspection before we get to bring him home, but that won't be for a few more weeks. Which is good, because it'll give us time to get things ready and maybe even get you back to normal – we'll see about that part.”

“James,” Matt said in wonder. Sounding the name out. “Jamie. Jamie Smith. I like it!”

“And what makes you think he'll be taking your name?” Alex asked him sharply, but he could hear the teasing in her voice.

“Because  _ you're _ Kingston! If we name  _ him _ Kingston, I couldn't call you Kingston without confusing the both of you! So he simply must take my name!” he said, laughing delightedly at her.

“That makes absolutely zero sense, darling. Because then the two of you would be Smith, and the same principle applies,” Alex argued back, trying to reason with him.

“Ah, but,” he pointed out, “you don't call me by my last name, so it really would never come up. Not that I foresee either of us calling him just by his surname very often, but it doesn't matter. My point stands.”

Giggling at his ridiculousness, Alex rested her head against his chest and shut her eyes, motioning for him to lay back down again. “Whatever you say. You're just very lucky I already agreed to give him your name earlier.”

Grinning up at the dark ceiling, Matt wrapped his arms once more around Alex's waist, feeling even more content with the world than ever before, which after the last few days, he honestly hadn't thought possible.

“Alex?”

“Yes, darling?” she answered back quietly. He could hear the sleep in her voice and knew the excitement coupled with their previous activities were probably starting to drag her under the veil of sleep.

“Still not dreaming, right?”

She giggled softly against his chest. “No, Matt, definitely not dreaming. Although this part certainly feels like it, I know.”

“We'll do okay with this, right?”

“I certainly hope so.”

Grinning to himself once more, Matt brought his hand up to curl around a strand of her hair, twisting it around his finger, careful not to pull too tight and disturb her.

“Alex?” he called to her once more, feeling guilty for disturbing her when she was obviously drifting off to sleep, but unable to stop himself.

She hummed in reply.

“You think I'll be a good dad?”

He felt her bring her hand up to rest against his chest once more, this time stopping right over his heart. “You'll be an amazing father, darling, I know it. Now, get some sleep. We can talk more in the morning. While we're packing, because we certainly didn't get any of that done tonight,” she said, ending with a bit of a giggle.

Matt shifted just a bit to hold her more tightly to him. “'Night, Alex.”

“Goodnight, Matt.”

Alex drifted to sleep quickly, but Matt found himself lying awake for a while longer, unable to stop the joy, the excitement, or even the fear from racing circles through his head. But when he finally drifted off into sleep some time later, it was with a smile upon his face.

 


	7. Chapter 7

When Matt blinked awake the next morning, the first thing he did was groan and roll over, expecting to feel the warmth of Alex's body next to him but found only empty, cold sheets. It took him slightly by surprise just how quickly he had grown used to her presence – how despite last night being only the second night they had actually spent together, the sight and feel of her missing from his bed left him feeling cold and empty and yearning.

Rolling once more over onto his back, he threw one arm over his eyes, blocking the sunlight, and brought the other down to rest on his bare stomach. It was then that his other senses started to kick in and the smell of bacon and eggs hit his nose, instantly making his mouth water. He sat up and looked around the room groggily before throwing back the covers. He spotted the discarded pair of pants he'd been wearing yesterday and pulled them back on before walking out of the room, not bothering to put anything else on.

Slowly, he made his way through the sitting room and into the kitchen, scratching at the back of his neck and yawning, only to be hit even more strongly by the aroma of breakfast cooking. As soon as he rounded the corner into the room, he spotted Alex, who had actually bothered to put a robe on this morning, to Matt's dismay, standing in front of the stove and plating the last of the food. She turned to place the plates on the table, spotting him standing in the doorway.

“'Morning, darling!” she said brightly, turning back quickly to grab the kettle from the counter.

“'Morning,” he responded just as cheerfully, but with a gruffness to his voice due to his lingering morning grogginess.

“I was just going to come in to wake you in a minute, so you have perfect timing,” Alex said as she poured tea into two cups and brought them over to the table.

“Well, I can go back to bed so you can  _ wake me up _ if you like?” Matt joked with a wiggle of his nonexistent eyebrows, pointing towards the bedroom.

Alex laughed. “Oh, shut up and sit down.”

Matt pulled out the chair nearest him and threw himself into it. He pulled a plate towards himself and watched as Alex took her seat opposite him.

“How long have you been up?” Matt asked around a mouthful of eggs.

“Oh, a while,” she replied as she stirred milk and sugar into her tea before taking a sip and closing her eyes in satisfaction. “And, Lord, did I need that. Anyway, I was up early. Took a shower, finished up most of the packing, and started on breakfast. So we're ready to go as soon as you are.”

“Great! Soon as I'm done with this, I'll just hop in the shower and then we can get out of here.”

It wasn't that Matt hated the flat they were in. Outside of his flat in Cardiff, it was the place he'd spent the majority of his time after leaving home. He was quite fond of the place and was happy that he and Alex had kept it after getting their own. But he was more than ready to leave. More than ready to get back to his life and see Salome, and start preparing for all the changes coming.

Thirty minutes later, after Matt had grabbed a shower and dressed, he and Alex were settling themselves in her car, readying to start the drive back to Surrey. “So, why exactly did we take your car for this weekend away?” he asked her as he struggled with his seat belt. “I mean, no offense, but my car is much cooler.”

“Well, it also attracts much more attention, which wasn't exactly something we wanted when we drove in. Besides, if we had your car, you'd insist on driving, and I don't think that's the best idea just yet,” she told him as she started the engine and pulled away from the building.

“Oi! There's nothing stopping me from driving!” he argued indignantly, turning in his seat to look at her.

“No?” she asked, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. “Because there's a certain head injury that says otherwise.”

He huffed. “Oh, come on, if I can have a fairly impressive amount of sex with nothing bad happening, I can operate a bloody car for an hour!”

Alex giggled. “Well, when you put it that way... but I'd still prefer you save your first time behind the wheel for a shorter trip. And in your own car. God knows I hate having to adjust the seat and mirrors when you've used mine.”

“Hey, it's not my fault you're so short!” Matt laughed as he finally settled himself comfortably in his seat.

Alex turned her head to glare at him quickly before returning her eyes to the road. “I am not short, thank you.  _ You _ are just all limbs.”

Matt leaned his head gingerly against the headrest of his seat and smiled to himself. “You love my limbs.”

He saw her roll her eyes again. After the number of times he'd seen her perform the action over the last few days, he gathered it was a common reaction on her part. “Only when you're reminding me of a baby giraffe, darling, not changing everything in my car around.”

Matt laughed and was struck by a thought, one that he'd been thinking about all morning but hadn't had the time to bring up before now. He sat up straighter so as to look at her more directly. “That reminds me...”

“What does?” she asked, her eyes remaining on the road in front of them.

“The baby giraffe thing...” he said, watching her face for any signs of reaction, “it's just... why didn't you tell me sooner – about the adoption? You kept it to yourself all weekend.”

Alex's face stayed impassive. “Matt, there was rather a lot going on. In case you don't remember, you were in the hospital with head trauma.”

“I know that,” he said quickly, trying to reassure her. “And I'm not mad or anything, and I guess I get it – things have been more than a bit mad – but it's just... you didn't have to. You could have told me, once we got home on Sunday or earlier yesterday even, I dunno...”

“Darling, you've been so preoccupied with just getting used to the idea of us even being together, and Salome, and... I just didn't want to overwhelm you so quickly. It's part of the reason I really wanted to stay in London longer, to give you more time to either remember on your own or just to adjust to the idea of everything,” she told him. They were now on the motorway and he could see her distress at being unable to look over at him. “And I wanted to wait until I was reasonably sure that you were happy with what was happening, so you wouldn't feel blindsided into continuing with it.”

“Blindsided?” Matt responded, surprised. “I mean, yeah, it was a shock, all of it, but how could you think I wouldn't want this? I mean, I meant it when I said I'd be more than fine with you and Salome, but I'd never rob us of the opportunity to add to our - our family. I know how much you always wanted another baby, how it was a... thing with you and Florian before you split up.”

He saw her shake her head slightly. “I came to terms with never having another child a long time ago, darling, but then we got together and we started getting serious. You said you didn't care that I couldn't give you that, but I did. Because you're so wonderful with Salome and all the other children you ever meet, and I just know you'd be brilliant with your own, so I brought up adoption not long before the wedding and we agreed to try but not to get our hopes up.”

“But it's worked out,” he said happily, “We got approved, they've found us a match. I know that I know basically nothing, but it sounds perfect.”

She laughed softly. “It is pretty perfect, and he's perfect. Matt, I wish you could remember him, because after finding out that this is almost definitely happening, it was so hard to leave him behind... I'm not going to lie, darling, I want this. I want him, and I want to bring him home and for him to be ours... but right now, you're more important. If you'd said last night that this was too soon, too fast, too much for you, or if I thought after everything that's happened this weekend, that you weren't ready for it, I'd call the whole thing off. As much as it would kill me to give that little boy up now, they'd find another wonderful family for him.”

“Well, that's not going to happen, I'm not going to let it. Not on my account, at least.” He stopped and thought a moment. “Wait... you don't think all this is going to be a problem, do you? My memory loss?”

“I'm not going to lie and say the idea hasn't crossed my mind,” Alex said softly, “It's why I was checking to see if the story had leaked yesterday. If the media got a hold of it, the agency definitely would. But no, I don't think it'll be a problem. We'll give it some more time, see if anything comes back to you over the next few weeks while you settle in and we prepare everything, and if you still can't remember, we'll talk to them. But disabled parents are allowed to adopt, and that's what your memory loss would be classed as, and seeing as it's a temporary problem, one that doesn't really affect much of anything in the long run, I don't see it being an issue.”

“But how can you be sure?” he asked her anxiously. “I mean, what if this ruins everything for us, all because I'm a clumsy oaf? I mean, what if we just kept it quiet, whether my memories come back or not? They'd never know, right? I assume whatever physicals we needed to do would have been submitted ages ago, right?”

But Alex shook her head sharply. “I don't want to be caught in a lie, Matt. That would cause so many more issues than just coming clean, if it even comes to that. It'll be fine. I don't want you worrying about this. If you remember, you remember. If you don't, we'll deal with it when the time comes. I'm really not all that concerned about it.”

Matt wasn't sure exactly how confident she sounded, but he really had no choice but to listen to her. “All right... if you're sure...”

“I'm sure,” she answered with a firm nod of her head.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

The ride from London to Surrey wasn't a long one - less than an hour. By the time their conversation was finished, there was barely a half hour left to the trip, during which Matt and Alex bickered over who got to control the radio and took turns mocking the other's taste in music. To Alex, these were everyday occurrences that she was used to and partook in frequently, but to Matt, while no stranger to making fun of Alex's music preferences, the ease and familiarity of the bickering that was batted between them felt different from what he'd been used to before this crazy weekend. It helped to ease the nerves that the news of the adoption and the prospect of returning to their home and life had settled into his stomach.

Once they pulled off the motorway, Alex brought up the question of whether Matt wanted to come with her to pick up Salome's things from her parents' house or if she should pop out once she'd gotten him home. Not quite ready to be away from her yet, and not wanting to be the cause of her going out of her way later on, he opted for going right then. It really wasn't until Alex pulled up onto the street he assumed her parents lived on that he started feeling nervous. A few moments later, they pulled the car up in front of a house near the corner and turned the engine off.

Sensing his distress, Alex twisted in her seat and turned to him. “What's the matter?”

“Nothing,” Matt protested quickly, but with a disbelieving look from her, he ducked his head. “It's just... I've never met your parents before... well, you know, not that I can remember at least. Just a bit nervous, I guess”

“All right, I can understand that,” she said, but continued with a small shake of her head, “but, darling, you do realize that they have met  _ you _ , right? And in case you were having any doubts, they  _ love _ you.”

Matt's head perked up at that. “They do?”

Alex laughed. “Of course they do! Have you met yourself? It's not possible for someone to not adore you! They like you much more than either of my former husbands. Much more than the two of them put together, although that's not saying much. But that doesn't change the fact that you don't have to go in there and try to impress them. When I told them what was happening, I had to stop them from rushing over to London to see you themselves.”

Matt leaned back, a bit surprised but not unhappy at the news. He hadn't really considered what sort of relationship he had with Alex's family outside of Salome, but it helped to ease his nerves a bit knowing it was a positive one. “You're sure, right?”

“Of course I'm sure,” she laughed and leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek. “Besides, we'll only be in there five minutes tops, or you can stay in the car and wait for me. I can tell them you fell asleep on the drive, and considering you're still supposed to be  _ resting _ , they won't think anything of it.”

Matt was very tempted to take her up on that offer, but in the end decided to join her inside. When they got to the door, Alex simply tried the door and found it open before letting herself in and ushering Matt across the doorway.

Inside he saw a comfortable sitting room but no sign of Alex's parents. Matt found himself just standing in the center of the room, taking his surroundings in. He was only slightly startled when Alex placed her hand on his arm. “You stay here a minute while I go find them. I promise, we won't be here long, but make yourself comfortable for a few minutes. I'm sure they'll make themselves known any moment now.” After he nodded that he'd heard her, he saw her walk out of the room and into a hallway which led to the kitchen and a staircase.

Feeling jittery and out of place, Matt settled for walking around the room and stopping in front of a small chest with picture frames cluttering the top of it. There were pictures of Alex and her sisters at various ages, full family shots with both parents included, a few shots of Salome and what appeared to be Alex's sister with her husband and children, and finally, the same picture of his and Alex's wedding day that he'd found in his flat the other day.

It really was a great shot. Every time he saw it, it just seemed to pull at him, drawing his attention and bringing him physically closer to it. He loved the happiness and love that simply shone on both of their faces, how their arms were wrapped around each other, how Alex's hair glinted in the natural light of the photo.

Something inside him stirred, something undefinable and just out of reach was making its way through his brain the longer he stared at the picture, and he was sure –  _ so sure _ – that for whatever reason, this would be it. That his elusive memories, or at least some of them, would break through the impenetrable damn and start flooding his brain. It was like when he forgot a word he was looking for and it was on the tip of his tongue but just not there yet. He wanted to study the picture, to memorize every bit of it, hoping to make the stirring inside him continue to grow.

He closed his eyes, visualizing the picture, and could almost see Alex's hair fluttering in the breeze in his mind's eye, but was almost positive it was just his imagination because just as quickly as the feeling had started, it was beginning to slip through his metaphorical fingers. He fought it, trying to focus on the picture and everything it made him feel, trying to keep whatever that small feeling of recognition he had going but knew it was pointless. The longer and harder you held onto something, the faster it slipped away and he knew, just  _ knew _ , that despite how close he was sure he'd been, that very, very soon it would just be -

“They always did say third time's the charm, eh?”

Gone.  _ Damn _ .

Matt swung around in surprise, nearly upending the whole display and knocking all the frames down. He only barely managed to catch himself and hold onto the chest firmly enough so as to stop the damage at just a good rattle with no harm done to anything.

When he finally looked up, face red and mind still distracted by the almost-breakthrough he'd just missed out on, he saw an older man, surely in his late seventies, who he knew, even without the aid of having just seen pictures and knowing that he was standing in the man's house, must be Alex's father. The similarities he shared with his daughter were just too plain for him to be anyone else, right down to the quirk of his lips as he watched in amusement as Matt gathered himself. It was almost identical to the look Alex had shot him plenty of times after mishaps on set.

Matt shook his head, trying to clear it and regain whatever focus he could muster. “Er – sorry, I – er – w-what was that?”

The other man let out a bark of laughter. “I said, third time's the charm!”

Flummoxed, Matt scratched at the back of his head. “What? I'm sorry, I-I don't understand-”

“Third husband, third wedding – first one we actually liked, but that right there proves my point,” the other man said jovially, then stuck out his hand. “Anthony Kingston, by the way, in case you didn't realize.”

Sighing in relief, Matt reached out and shook hands with his father-in-law. “No, I figured as much, honestly. Nice to meet you – er – well, I mean we've already met, of course, but -”

“Relax, son, Alex told us all about your little memory problem days ago, no need to explain anything. Breathe.” He reached out and patted Matt on the shoulder and shot him a friendly grin.

Matt felt his face break out into a shaky grin. “Thanks, Mr. Kingston-”

“Anthony,” the other man interrupted.

“Right, sorry – Anthony,” Matt said quickly as he felt most of the rest of his nerves slide away. “Anyway – er – sorry about crashing into your pictures.” He gestured over to the slightly rumpled looking photo display. “You just surprised me, and you know me – well, I assume you do, anyway – I'm clumsy as anything. But I don't  _ think _ I broke anything this time.”

Anthony laughed again. “No harm done. I've been telling Margarethe for a couple of years now that we need to start bolting everything to the floor and walls for when you come over.”

Matt laughed. “Probably not a bad idea. I'll consider doing that meself at home.”

“Oh, don't worry, Alex took care of that ages ago,” Anthony said seriously.

“Really?” Matt asked, unsure whether the other man was joking or not.

“Nah, of course not. She's got a bit more faith in your sense of coordination than I do, but you've never caused any serious damage, so you're still in our good books. For now,” he said with a faux-stern glare at him.

“Ha! Good one!” Matt laughed out and simultaneously swung his arm out in his laughter, which collided with one of the picture frames on the edge, sending it clattering to the floor. Embarrassed, Matt ducked down to retrieve it, noting thankfully that the floor was carpeted and had thus failed to break the glass. He set the picture, one of a very young Alex and her sisters, back in its proper place and glanced guiltily at the other man. “I think I – er – should maybe go sit down, if you don't mind. Keep away from any breakables.”

“Make yourself comfortable. Though not too comfortable,” Anthony told him as he moved to lean against the wall and folded his arms across his chest as he continued to watch Matt in amusement. “The women should be done in just a minute. They went to get Salome's things. She said she was all packed this morning but Lord knows, she probably forgot a few things. Shouldn't be long now.” 

He'd barely gotten the words out of his mouth when Matt heard the distinct sound of feet climbing heavily down the stairs, the person walking obviously carrying something behind them. It was only a few seconds before Alex stepped off the stairs and into the room, dragging a suitcase behind her as an older woman,  her mother, Matt thought, followed her. Matt jumped to his feet awkwardly and went to take the bag from Alex's hands but was just shooed away right after a quick kiss to his cheek.

Just a moment later, her mother came up to him, and not bothering to introduce herself (not that he needed her to), wrapped him in her arms, squeezing tightly. “Oh, Matt, I am so glad you are all right.” Her German accent was strong but more than understandable as she gushed in his ear. “When Alex told us what happened, I was so worried, but I am so glad you're starting to feel better.”

Matt wrapped his arms around his quickly in response. “Thanks! I'm feeling loads better. Good to be out of the flat and up and about, you know?”

Releasing him, Margarethe pulled back and held his face between her hands. “Good. That is very, very good. Now, I want you to go home and get plenty of rest, ok?”

“Ok, yeah, I'll definitely do that,” Matt promised earnestly. “Actually, I've started to feel a bit drained already, so as soon as we get home, I'll definitely do that.”

“Yeah, Mum, I should really get him home now. Poor man hasn't been sleeping well since the accident and could do with a good rest in his own bed.”

After saying their goodbyes, Matt followed Alex dutifully back to the car.

“So?” Alex asked once they were seated inside. She'd started the engine but hadn't pulled away from the house yet.

“It was good. Awkward, but better than I expected,” he told her happily. “Your parents seem great. Your dad's a friendly enough bloke. Doesn't make a sound when he walks, through – scared the living daylights out of me when he first came in the room.”

“Yeah, he does that sometimes,” Alex said with a laugh. “But do you see? There was nothing to worry about. They love you.”

She finally started to pull away and they drove silently for a couple of miles. Eventually, she pulled onto a street and Matt knew this was the street they were heading to, where their house was located. He didn't recognize it as he looked around, but felt deeply like he should, longing for the beginnings of the same feeling he'd felt earlier looking at that photo. He sat up straight in his seat.

“You ready?” Alex asked him, glancing over at him as she drove.

“Yeah, definitely!” Matt enthused. “I mean, I know it's just a house, but it's our house! That's just - I don't know – exciting. Which one is it?”

Alex laughed and pointed. It was only a few seconds before she pulled up in into the double driveway, next to his prized Audi, and he was able to actually get a look at the place.

It was a two-story brick building. The front garden was large, enclosed on the sides by tall hedges, with a fence leading to the backyard. Right in front of them was what looked to be a double garage and the wide driveway turned into the walkway up to the front door, which was covered by an overhead canopy. The front of the house was covered in green foliage and there were a couple of different sets of bay windows facing the front.

Matt sat in awe for a few moments and could feel Alex's gaze on him as he sat enraptured at the sight in front of him. This was theirs, the spot where they lived and blended their lives together, where Salome was now living with them and where, barring any issues, they would soon be raising their son.

Quickly, Matt opened the car door and jumped out, racing up the pavement. Finding the front door locked, as he really should have expected, he waved Alex over excitedly, but she was already halfway over to him, having followed behind him the second he had darted from the car.

“Bit excited, are we?” she asked him, amusement and merriment shining through her eyes as she approached and turned the key in the lock, pausing before letting him in with a teasing look on her face.

“Come on, Kingston, let me in! I wanna see!” He was overcome by excitement, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Finally, she pushed the door open and stepped quickly inside to avoid being bowled over by him as his long legs carried him immediately through the entrance.

Inside was spacious - not cavernous, but definitely more spacious than he'd been expecting it to be. He raced from room to room, inspecting everything. He really knew very little about decorating and until now had held next to no interest in home décor, but now that he was here, he just wanted to drink in every detail.

The sitting room, right off the main entrance where they'd come in, was richly decorated, with plenty of plush seating and walls that were covered in works of art he was sure Alex had chosen herself. There were potted plants sitting on tables and hanging from the walls and pictures were placed delicately all across the room, and he promised himself that as soon as he was done exploring, he'd go through every picture he could find and memorize them.

The kitchen was fairly average. It was large enough to have plenty of room to work in, with appliances covering several of the counter spaces. It was an eat-in kitchen with several chairs set up around a table in the corner but he could see a more formal dining room peeking through from the doorway opposite him.

He ducked out through the door to the backyard, which was even more impressive than the front. The edges of the yard were covered in yet more hedges and trees, lending them complete privacy from those surrounding them. There was plenty of space, and even a decently large tree right in the center. There was a terrace off to one side with chairs set up, and to the left of the door he'd exited from were large windows peeking through to another part of the house – the dining room, he was pretty sure.

He continued to explore the rooms, venturing upstairs, where Alex finally caught up to him and went with him room-to-room as he took everything in.

They came to Salome's room, where he merely peeked inside to find it completely decorated, sporting posters of various teen celebrities and music stars, then found the guest room. It dawned on Matt that this would very soon be made into a room for the baby headed their way within the next few weeks and that they really would have to start working on getting the room ready.

At the end of the upstairs hallway, the last door he hadn't looked behind, Matt stilled before opening it. He knew what had to lay behind it. His and Alex's bedroom was the only room he hadn't come across yet and the thought of being inside it filled him with a small case of nervousness. After the last few days of being with Alex, of spending time with her and making love to her, he was finally starting to really become accustomed to the reality that he was living. But before they'd just been holed up in his flat. Yes, there were differences, but by and large it was the same as he remembered, especially in his bedroom. Going in here though, would be completely different.

Steeling himself, he turned the handle and let himself in. Inside he found a very nice master bedroom, with a large double bed right in the center. There was a door leading to an en-suite bathroom and what looked to be two walk-in closets, complete with two large dressers standing next to each other across from the bed. It was a normal, though large, bedroom. Nothing particularly special about it – it was just a nicely made up room. But knowing it was  _ theirs _ made him look on it as something wholly special.

He walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, allowing himself to breathe as he started to come off his adrenaline-high. He felt rather than saw Alex come to sit next to him.

“Well, darling, you've seen just about everything. What do you think? Live up to your expectations?”

“Far exceeded them, to be honest. And they were pretty high to begin with,” he answered her with a grin, dropping his head to lay gingerly against her shoulder. “It's just... you know... it's great. It's kinda old-fashioned and classic and kinda earthy, but still really modern, so it seems like a great mix of the two of us. There's plenty of space, lots of privacy. And it's just, I dunno – it seems really us. Just knowing that we picked this out together, that we made it... you know... ours just makes me love it automatically, but it really does just seems perfect for us.”

“I think it's perfect too,” she said softly as she gazed down at him.

He lifted his head from her shoulder and kissed her softly, holding her cheek in his palm before pulling away, a smile on his face as he gazed at her. Grabbing her hand, he started to scoot himself up the bed, pulling her with him.

She laughed as she allowed him to drag her alongside him. “Matt, what are you doing?”

“I wasn't lying when I told your mum I was starting to feel a bit worn out before, especially now that all the excitement's wound down,” he said as he kicked his shoes off his feet and across the room. “And as you said, I haven't slept in my bed all weekend... or ever, if you're looking at it from my point of view, which I can't help but do.”

Grinning mischievously over at him, Alex kicked her own shoes to the floor and leaned over him, kissing him deeply before breaking apart from him and chuckling lightly. “I think I may have spoiled you a bit these last couple of days, darling, if you can't even make it through daylight hours,” she said as she started to stroke his chest, starting to dip her fingers lower and lower.

With a small groan, Matt caught her fingers in his hand. “No, Alex,” he said with a light laugh as he entwined her fingers in his own and laying back against the pillows, dragging her down next to him.

“I meant just sleeping. I actually am a bit knackered. It's funny, but I'm actually feeling more tired these last couple days than I was right after the accident. And I want to sleep in my house, in my bed, with my wife. One experience I really wanna remember.”

“Really?” she asked, looking at him with adoration. “And you're sure your head is feeling all right? I still have those painkillers in my bag if you need.”

“Nah, no pain, just tired. Let's just take a nap together. The rest can come later. I'm very much looking forward to  _ later _ , trust me... but for now, let's jut take a nap before Salome gets home. I don't need long. Just a quick kip – an hour to close my eyes and hold you in my arms right here in our own bed,” he said with a bit of a pout.

She laughed at him softly before snuggling down into her pillows and resting her head against his chest. Eagerly, he wrapped his arm tightly around her waist and buried his face in her curls. “Take as long of a nap as you need, darling, you won't find me complaining. I'll be right here.”

Matt's last thought before falling asleep with a contented smile across his face was that he was finally home. It was a place he never could have pictured despite how Alex had tried to describe it, Salome would be home in a few hours, they had a very-nearly approved adoption on the horizon, and the brief bout of excitement he'd felt at nearly remembering the wedding picture was still sending a rush of hope through his system. Life was very, very good.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also really suck at describing houses, but in case anyone was wondering this is the house I modeled the house in this chapter on: http://www.zoopla.co.uk/property-history/byways/down-lane/compton/guildford/gu3-1dn/29405745  
> More the outside than the inside and not exactly but it's a good guide to what it was being described here, if you're interested.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once again for all the support you've all been showing this fic! It's a great confidence boost and motivation to get each chapter out. Enjoy!

__

_ Matt found himself walking down the upstairs hallway outside the bedroom. It was dark and foreboding, and he couldn't help but feel a sense of anxiousness and even a little fear as his feet took him further and further along the house. _

_As he walked, his foot hit a creaky floorboard and the sound echoed within his eardrums, startling him. But it wasn't the sound of the floorboard that caused him to jump - there was something else hidden beneath that sound, something he couldn't identify. He stopped in his tracks, head whipping around, looking around for the source of the unknown noise. Seeing and hearing nothing else, he shook his head and continued walking._

_Just as he was starting to think that he'd been walking longer than he should have been, that the house really wasn't anywhere big enough to warrant such a long walk, he heard it again. Crying. Sobbing. But only for a moment. The sound was gone almost as quickly as it had started and it made him wonder if he'd actually heard it at all. But that was twice now and he knew he hadn't completely made it up._

_Spinning on the spot, he looked around. It had sounded so close. Turning back to where he'd been looking originally, he gasped and stumbled back in surprise. Alex was in front of him, and he could see the streaks of tears down her face, even through the darkness, but she didn't seem to have noticed him yet._

_Matt stumbled forward, reaching for her but not quite close enough to touch her. “Alex? Alex, what's wrong?”_

_Immediately, her head snapped up and her whole demeanor changed. The look of despair that had just been plaguing her face, the red around her eyes, the tears, and the uneven breathing were gone, replaced by her usual, happy face. Her eyes shone and she grinned back at him, a sexy and confident look on her face. Matt wanted to believe that what he'd seen and heard a few moments ago had been a mistake, a hallucination, but underneath that suddenly bright face was a hint of darkness in her eyes, seeping subtly into all of her features._

_“Nothing at all, darling. Everything is absolutely perfect, Now, come on, let's go to bed,” she said with a sly grin and a wink, reaching out her hand for him._

_“No, Alex, something's wrong. You were crying! I heard you! I saw you! What is it? What's happened?” he asked insistently, needing to find out and resolve whatever was causing her pain._

_But Alex just sidled up closer to him, finally making contact as she wound her arms around his neck. “Now why would you say something like that? There's nothing wrong. Now, come on, let's go inside.”_

_“No!” he exclaimed, getting frustrated and desperate at her non-answers. “We're not going to bed, not right now! There's something wrong! Just tell me!”_

_She disappeared. Just like that, as soon as the words were out of his mouth, she was just gone. Frantically, he searched around. She can't have gotten far. The hallway wasn't that big, in fact the walls seemed to be shrinking around him, and none of the doors around him had opened. He stumbled forward, hitting the wall and it was then that he heard her voice behind him, no longer holding that light and airy tone but now dark and angry and upset._

_“You're not my husband.”_

_He whipped around, hurt and confusion spearing through his chest. “W-what?”_

_“You're not my husband.” Her voice was hard and unyielding as her eyes dug into his. There were still no signs of tears, but anger blazed across her face, clear as day as she stood with her hands on her hips._

_His mind buzzed as he tried to think through the emotions clouding his heart. What did she mean? Had this all been some truly and remarkably elaborate trick? A dream or hallucination, after which he'd find himself waking up alone in his flat? Or did she mean that he wasn't the man who married her, not anymore? That he was a poor facsimile of the man he used to be?_

_“My husband died after that accident.” Her voice drilled into him. “He was so much better than you. He'd know what to say and do without disrupting everything in our lives. But now I'm stuck with you and you are not the man I love or the man my daughter adores, and you're probably going to ruin my chances of having another child – who would send a child to be adopted into the mess that you've created here?”_

_Matt's head was reeling. This was exactly what he'd been fearful of ever since he'd woken up to this happy future. It was exactly what he'd felt and been thinking the entire time, but now having Alex confirm it all, no longer sugar-coating her thoughts and feelings on the subject, hit him like a ton of bricks, and he could only just stare and gape at her as she stood there and watched him crossly. Faintly, he could hear the cry of a baby ring through his ears, and he had no idea what to do or where to go, even as he thought that there should not yet be a baby around to cry. But he could only stand there, rooted to the spot as the room started to spin around him, faster and faster as colors and sounds whipped around his head, disorienting him until he fell to his knees, completely lost._

Matt opened his eyes with a gasp, heart racing but mind blank. It took him a few seconds to remember where he was. The room around him was unfamiliar and the bed beneath him felt different from what he was used to. It wasn't until his senses started clearing up that the memories from earlier started flowing through his mind. He was home, at his and Alex's home, and he was in their bedroom, lying on their bed, and Alex was curled into his side, her arm resting on his chest and her fingers curled lightly over his shirt.

He let the air escape his lungs before taking another breath, this time relishing the feel as it filled his lungs. It helped to wake him up more fully and he couldn't help but think that this is how it must feel for him to wake up every morning, in this bed with this woman beside him, breathing in the crisp, fresh air of the room around him. He could get used to this very easily, he thought. All of his doubts and worries and fears seemed so much harder to think about as he lay there.

But that thought was exactly what brought the unpleasant nightmare back to him full-force. The memory flooded his brain and he had to shut his eyes against the onslaught as he fought to decipher it all: the dark hall, those expanding and contracting walls, and Alex. Alex standing there and confessing to all the things Matt had been terrified to hear come out of her mouth for days now.

He wasn't stupid. He knew it was just a dream, knew it was just his subconscious bursting with all the fears, suppressed or not, that had been running through him; that he wasn't the same, wasn't good enough, that Alex was disappointed, hiding just how upset she really was over his memory loss, and that he could ruin everything they had going for them. He'd been doing his best not to focus on these worries, had been putting them out of mind to the absolute best of his ability and knew, if he was pushed to really think on it, that most of it was ridiculous. But those fears stabbed at him nonetheless, especially right now, after the vivid dream.

Sighing softly, he glanced down beside his chest, where Alex was still curled up and sleeping peacefully. This was the best feeling in the world, to lay here next to her when he woke, but it now felt different, like he was searching her unconscious face for signs of discontent where he knew he would find none.

He was being ridiculous and he knew it. She had been very open and honest with him, almost from the start and growing more so as the days wore on. They had spoken about most of his worries quite bluntly – she'd told him that he was the same, that she still loved him, that Salome would still adore and love him, that they weren't likely to encounter problems with the adoption. He still couldn't make the thoughts leave him completely, but laying here and taking in the scent of Alex and the feel of her and soft plushness of the bed beneath them, he did his best to push them into a small corner of his mind where they could be ignored to the best of his ability.

He looked over to the side, toward the nightstand, and saw on the little clock there that it was now mid afternoon and they had been asleep for a few hours. The nap he'd just woken from, despite wrecking havoc on his subconscious, had done just the trick and now that he'd had time to shake the sleep and most of the worry from his mind, he was back to bursting with energy. Alex on the other hand, had admitted to not resting very long the night before and was still fast asleep. Matt hated to move away from her, fearing that he'd wake her and she'd either refuse or be unable to fall back to sleep, but his limbs didn't seem capable of staying still for much longer.

Slowly, carefully, he held the arm she had draped over him and lifted it so he could roll out of her hold and grabbed one of his pillows, tucking it beneath her in place of his body. It seemed to do the trick, because she didn't even stir as he pushed himself off of the bed and padded over to the door, walked out, and shut it silently behind him.

He made his way slowly down the hall, realizing it really didn't hold much resemblance to the one he'd traversed in his dream. Outside of the fact that it was clearly daylight and the hall was a normal, non-changing size, it was just different and didn't fill him with the sense of foreboding he'd felt earlier.

Using what he could remember of his earlier tour through the house, he tried to catalogue what was where. He knew both he and Alex had offices down on the ground floor, where there was also a guest room and a loo, while here on the upper level were his and Alex's room, with their own private bathroom, and two other bedrooms, one of which belonged to Salome and the other which they would likely be making up for the baby over the coming weeks, with another bathroom along the hall. He peeked his head through the currently empty bedroom and tried to imagine it full and decorated and brimming with life, a cot in the corner and dressers and toys and lamps, and the tiny baby boy who would hopefully be living in it soon.

Matt shook his head, trying to distance those thoughts as well from his mind for the time being. It excited him and made his heart swell to even think about, but that particular revelation was still so incredibly new and terrifying and he was still processing it. He'd been completely honest when he'd told Alex that he wanted it, wanted the adoption to go through, wanted Jamie, wanted to be a proper dad if given the chance, and would never even think about turning the chance down, but the prospect completely terrified him.

It wasn't something he'd prepared for, and now it was happening so soon. It was good, but Matt was glad that Alex had mentioned settling in at home for a bit before really focusing on that aspect just yet. Just a day or two to finish getting used to the idea and hopefully lose the fear of being complete rubbish at being a parent that was niggling inside of him.

Shutting the door behind him, he made his way downstairs, and after a few wrong turns (the house really wasn't  _ that _ large but between the size that it actually was, which certainly wasn't tiny, and having very little memory of where exactly everything had been earlier today, he was proud he hadn't gotten lost more than he had), Matt found himself standing in the small room that Alex had pointed out as his office.

Upstairs in their bedroom, there had been a small desk tucked into a corner, he assumed so that he or Alex could read scripts or work on whatever they needed to in the room, but the desk in this room was just a bit grander, larger with more storage space, kick knacks and photos cluttering the area, and his laptop sitting closed on top of it. There was a bookcase against one wall, a small couch against another, and a small television on a third. His record player sat on a small table, his records stored neatly beneath it. It was small and a tiny bit cramped, but not unpleasantly so, and Matt made himself comfortable as he dropped down into the soft rolling chair.

He sat there for a while, getting used to the feel of the room as he tried to imagine himself sitting in here every day, reading scripts, running lines, talking to his agent, relaxing. It felt so surreal, so far removed from anything he could grasp in his memory, but he could picture it easily.

After a while, he decided to get up and make his way to the kitchen, where he rooted around to find the makings of sandwiches. He prepared a plateful, setting them off to the side for when Alex woke up, before digging into one of his own.

He'd just finished eating when he heard movement from the other room. Unable to define what it was exactly, he assumed Alex had woken from her nap and come to find him, but then a louder, slamming noise, that of a door being shut, drew his attention and a voice rang out.

“Mom? Matt?”

It was Salome. A smile bloomed across Matt's face at the same time as his stomach refilled with nervousness. He bounced off his chair and out of the room, following her voice to the sitting room. He spotted her just inside the closed door, her bag on the ground at her feet as she shrugged her jacket off.

After a moment, she looked up and noticed him and immediately let out a squeal of delight before bounding across the room to catch him in what was possibly the biggest, most intense hug of his life. He returned it with as much warmth as he could, wrapping his arms tight around the girl and tucking her head under his chin.

“Matty! You're okay!” she cried into his chest, still clutching at his neck like she couldn't quite believe he was actually standing there.

“Hey, of course I'm okay! I told you I was! What'd you think – I was faking?”

“No, I guess not,” she grins into his chest, “I guess I was just worried, is all.”

“Well, there's no need to be worried, I'm just fine, I promise,” he told her firmly before she started to pull away slowly.

“So, can you remember anything yet?” she asked, looking up at him.

“Well... no. Not exactly,” he admitted with a frown, “but just being home is gonna help loads, I can tell already.”

Salome grabbed his arm and led him over to the couch. “And the house isn't familiar to you at all? Isn't that weird? Not recognizing your own house or anything?”

Sitting down onto the comfortably overstuffed sofa, with Salome sitting on the opposite end facing him, Matt considered her question. It certainly was a strange sensation, the entirety of the last four days had been almost mind-numbing with just how strange it all felt. Didn't mean it wasn't good.

“No, I don't recognize any of it at all. Can't remember ever being here before. But it doesn't feel like a surprise that I live here and it's not unpleasant at all. We only got here a few hours ago and it already  _ feels _ like home, you know what I mean?”

He watched as a grin broke out over the girls face. “Yeah, I know what you mean. It's great here. I've only been here a few weeks, really – I mean I've visited before, but you guys haven't lived here that long – but I love it. I'm just trying to imagine how I'd be feeling if I were you – I mean, you don't even remember being with Mom and now you're just suddenly married and living here... isn't it terrifying?

Matt laughed quietly, chuckling to himself. “Of course it's terrifying. If I'm honest, Sal, I've never been more terrified in me life. I keep expecting to wake up and realize that these last few days have just been some insane dream.”

Salome bit her lip. “But now you're... you know...  _ with _ Mom... and I'm here too, which probably isn't making things easier, and don't you just wish things would go back to the way you remember?”

“Not even for a moment!” he exclaimed, shaking his head vigorously. “Salome, the last I can remember, you were just a little kid, so I know you had no way of knowing, but I've loved your mum for a really long time, even from my warped point of view. I love her quite a lot, as I'm sure you know. Waking up to find out that this is the life I have now was the best thing that could have happened – I just wish I could remember getting here, is all. Why would I ever want to go back to my boring life before, eh?”

He saw her go to open her mouth to respond but cut her off, leaning over to grasp her shoulder. “And I may not remember being your stepdad, but I  _ do _ remember being your friend. And I promise I'm gonna do my absolute best to not be completely terrible at either of those roles now that I'm... er... here. You being here is good. I want you here, and your mum wants you here, which makes me want it even more. I don't want you feeling at all uncomfortable around here just because I'm having some problems with my head, all right?”

She leaned over and engulfed him in another strong hug, which he returned enthusiastically. “Thanks, Matty. I love you.”

“Love you too, poppet,” he murmured back to her, swallowing the ball of emotion rising in his throat.

When Salome pulled away again, there was a shine of tears in her eyes that he managed to catch a glimpse of before she cleared her throat and blinked them away. After composing herself, she changed the subject. “So, where's Mom? I expected her to be down here with you when I got home.”

“She's upstairs taking a nap. This whole thing with me head's been making me a bit more tired than usual, so I convinced her to lie down with me for a bit, but she didn't sleep much last night, so she's still up there,” Matt explained, glancing up at the ceiling as if he could see through to where Alex was sleeping. “But, you know what? She's been asleep for a few hours now. What do you say we go up there and wake her for lunch? I made sandwiches right before you got here, and I'm sure she's gotta be hungry by now.”

After an enthusiastic response from Salome, the two of them made their way into the kitchen to retrieve the food before heading upstairs to the bedroom. Once inside, they were greeted by the sight of Alex already stirring awake.

“Wakey, wakey, Kingston! Time for food!” Matt boomed out, only to be met with a half-asleep glare from his wife before she realized that he wasn't alone.

Sitting up, against the headboard, Alex stared at them. “What on Earth are you two doing?”

“You have to eat, Mom. You can't spend all day sleeping, you know,” Salome laughed as Alex grumbled to herself before reaching out for her daughter, drawing Salome into a hug and greeting her. “How was your little vacation away from us? You were all right at Oma and Opa's, right?”

“Yeah, it was fine,” Salome answered her mother and sat down, “I couldn't catch the bus to school from their house, so they dropped me off, picked me up, made sure I did my homework and everything. I missed you guys, though. I hated not knowing what was going on with Matt.”

“I know. I just didn't want to worry you unnecessarily – and look! He's perfectly fine, so no need to worry,” Alex said brightly and glanced over to smile at him at his place at the foot of the bed where he stood watching the pair of them. Salome just rolled her eyes and smiled over at him as well, beckoning him over.

Matt grinned back before going over to join them on the bed, striking up conversation as the meal was picked over.

After she'd eaten and talked for a while, Salome left to unpack the bags they had brought back for her and to start her homework. Once the door was shut behind her, Alex focused her attention to Matt. “So that was rather cozy. I take it you two got a chance to talk before coming up here?”

Matt grinned. “Yeah, yeah, I was sitting in the kitchen when she came in. We talked a bit. It was nice.”

“Yeah? What'd you two talk about?”

During the course of lunch, Alex had shifted to lie on her front and Matt now moved to mimic her position. “Oh, you know – she was just asking questions about the whole amnesia thing. I just did me best to reassure her I was fine and more than okay with this new life of mine. She seemed to think that having her here would be difficult for me, since I don't remember any of the last few years, but I made it clear that I loved that she was here with us. I think I did okay with all of that. I mean she hugged me after, and that's usually a good sign, right?”

Alex leaned her head over and pressed her lips against his. “Yes, darling, that's a very good sign. She adores you, you know. Always has, even after she first met you. You were always so great with her, made her feel so involved and special. I was worried about how she'd react when we got together, but she was ecstatic.”

“She's a great kid, Alex. She was then and she is now,” he told her, “I think it's impossible not to love her. I just hope I don't turn out to be a disappointment to her now. To any of you.”

Alex's eyes gleamed brightly as she looked at him. “Matt, there is nothing about you that could be a disappointment to anyone. Stop being so hard on yourself, and maybe you'll see just how wonderful you really are.”

She leaned back in and kissed him again. He relaxed into her, moving his lips against hers softly, and when Alex opened her mouth under his, he took the hint and brushed his tongue against her lips before slipping it inside to explore her mouth, allowing her to deepen the kiss. Grinning against her, Matt brought his hand up to slide against the side of her face, feeling of softness of her skin beneath his palm and groaning into her mouth.

Alex somehow managed to lean up over him and push his back against the mattress without breaking the kiss. She placed her hands on his chest, supporting her weight, as her tongue continued to brush and suck at his, letting her hair fall over his face and obscuring his vision. Soon, she moved as if to actually get on top of him, one leg already half-hitched over his hips, but he pulled his mouth away from hers with a small gasp.

Alex stopped her movements, worry crossing her face as she lifted her head up to look at him properly. “Matt? What's wrong?”

Gasping slightly for breath, Matt took his hand from where it had been resting on her hip up to grasp her shoulder. “Alex! S-Salome! Salome's here, right down the hall! The door's not even locked! We can't!”

Alex chuckled softly. “Matt if we only had sex when Salome wasn't home, our chances would be extremely limited these days. Besides, her room's all the way at the other end of the hall and she knows better than to come in here without knocking first. She has even less of a desire for her to walk in on us than we do.” She ducked her head and kissed him again.

Matt pulled away with a groan. “But-but... she hasn't even been home an hour! I don't think I'm very... comfortable with  _ this _ with her here like this just yet.

He looked up at her face, expecting to see her upset, even angry, and flashed back to his dream where her face had shifted from happy and bright to dark and angry in the blink of an eye. But instead, her eyes twinkled with laughter and she was obviously amused. “I don't think I've ever known you to turn down sex... but I supposed we can work up to it.”

Matt leaned up and brushed the curls from her face before kissing her softly, “Thanks... for, you know, understanding. I know I'm here worrying about all these things I'm sure you adjusted to ages ago, but it's all still so  _ new _ to me. Guess I still just need a bit of time to get used to things like this.”

Alex sat up, pulling him into a sitting position along next to her, brushing her hands through the top of his hair, smoothing it back down where it had gotten mussed. “Don't worry, darling, I understand. Besides,” she said with a laugh, “she's got to go to sleep at some point tonight, right?”

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 9 for you all! I'm going to keep repeating myself, but thank you so much to everyone who's shown support for this fic! It's been a fantastic motivation during the writing process and I love you all!

The next few days passed very slowly for Matt. He spent as much time as he could with Alex, talking to her and sitting with her and even going so far as to follow her from room to room like a lost puppy. He felt sure she had to be getting frustrated by his constant presence but she never gave any outward signs of that, and was always careful to do her best in making him feel welcome by her side nearly twenty-four hours a day.

Salome spent her days at school and Alex and Matt spent theirs at home. She fulfilled her promise of sitting down with him and going through just about every picture she could find, letting him study each one, some for inordinate periods of time. She also scrounged together every video of him that she could get her hands on, including all the roles he'd acted in over the course of his memory lapse, in the hopes that watching himself move about and speak on film would help to remember acting them out. He was still working his way through much of it but it hadn't worked so far – as he looked at every picture and watched every film or episode it was almost like watching a stranger in front of him, saved only by the fact that he could actually recognize himself on the screen.

Despite the lack of luck thus far, going through all of those lost memories was just about the only thing he wanted to do. He wanted to study them, over and over, wracking his brain for any signs of recognition, straining to just remember something. It was no use, though. There was just nothing. He even took to staring at their wedding picture again, for insanely long amounts of time, because looking at it while at Alex's parents' house had been the closest to recognition he'd come since this whole ordeal had started. But he hadn't felt that twinge in the back of his mind again.

The more time that passed, the more frustrated he got, which in and of itself made him even more frustrated, because he didn't want to be feeling that way. He wanted to stop worrying about what he couldn't remember and simply enjoy the life laid out in front of him. It was easy to get pulled out of the moroseness and anger he felt when all he had to do was look over and find Alex beside him, or listen to Salome as she chattered on at dinner about her day. They pulled his head above the surface and made him appreciate what he had in front of him. It was when things around him got quiet, when Salome was at school or in her room, when Alex was sleeping beside him or curled into his side on the couch reading a book, that his mind started drifting, thinking always about ways to jumpstart itself.

He'd thought, or rather hoped, that he'd been hiding his growing unease rather well, but it was now Friday, the seventh day since he'd woken up next to Alex having no idea what was going on. The lack of progress was starting to get to him, and he had spent the majority of that morning moping about the house, grumbling and glowering when he thought Alex wasn't looking and just being a right berk until even he was starting to get sick of himself.

A little before ten, he'd just come up from the basement, where there was a tiny gym that'd he'd just spent an hour working some of his frustration off in, having taken a rare break from Alex's side. He was dripping sweat and had to push the little bit of fringe he had left off of his forehead so he could properly see and he knew he didn't exactly smell like Alex's gardens outside, but when he entered the kitchen to find her sitting at the table talking on her phone, instead of wrinkling her nose in disgust as he expected, she merely shot him a smile and a wave of her fingers.

“And speak of the devil, he just walked in,” she said with a laugh, watching him walk towards the fridge and grab a bottle of water.

He looked over at her and grinned, puffing out his chest at her admission that she'd been talking about him. He walked over towards her and leaned down, pressing a messy kiss to her cheek, making sure to brush a bit of his damp hair against her face and dodging out of the way as she swatted him away with a disgusted giggle.

“No, you didn't say anything funny,” she said slightly breathlessly into the phone, pointedly ignoring him as he leaned up against the counter watching her, “he just walked right over – and he's covered in sweat and he – oh, I swear I could kill him.”

She stopped and listened as the person on the other end spoke. “No,” she said after a moment, still lightly giggling, “no, Jen, he – he doesn't remember who you are. No, he – oh, hang on,” she paused and lowered the phone slightly from her face and turned to him. “My friend Jen wants me to tell you that she says hello and that you can feel free to go and drip sweat all over  _ her _ kitchen the moment I tire of you.”

Matt chuckled lightly. “I think I remember you mentioning a Jen once or twice. Anyway, tell her I said thanks, but I'm perfectly happy dripping all over this kitchen, so long as you're here with me.”

She snorted and rolled her eyes but when she raised the phone back to her mouth, her tone was full of fondness. “Sorry, dear, but I think I'm going to keep him around a bit longer. Even when he's grumpy and smells like a locker room, he still manages to say the sweetest things.”

“Hey, I am not grumpy!” he protested, scowling over at her.

“Of course you're not, darling,” she tried to placate him before returning to her conversation. “Actually, Jen, let me go, I've got to take care of this one here, he's pouting now... no, not like that! Get your mind out of the gutter.  _ Goodbye _ !” she finished with another giggle as she hung up and turned to him and motioned for him to come sit opposite her.

Slowly, he pushed himself off the counter and trudged over, lowering himself into the seat. “I'm not grumpy and I'm not pouting,” he said with a huff as he slouched in his chair and crossed his arms. “I was perfectly pleasant when I walked in here!”

She leaned across the table and covered the back of his hand with her own, running her fingers soothingly over his knuckles. “You've got a point, you were, I'm sorry. But keep in mind you probably still have all that adrenaline running through you from your workout. You've got to admit, you've been moping around this house all morning.”

Great. So much for trying not to let her notice. “How did you -?”

“Darling, you forget - I  _ know _ you. I can  _ tell _ when something's wrong.” She eyed him pointedly, watching as he fidgeted.

“It's nothing, really, I'm fine.”

“Oh my Lord, Matthew, if I hear you utter that phrase one more time, I swear to God -”

“It's just -” he cut her off quickly, not wanting to anger her, “well, it's - it's been a week. I know I shouldn't, but I just feel like this should have been done and over with by now. Guess it's just... I dunno... getting to me a bit,” he finished dejectedly as he looked down, unable to meet her gaze.

He heard her sigh heavily. “Matt, darling, I know,” she said gently, reaching for his hand and squeezing tightly. “We were both hoping that this would be temporary – and it  _ will _ be – but it  _ has _ only been a week. Seem like forever to us, especially to you, I'm sure, but objectively, it really isn't that long.”

“I know, I  _ know _ , really I do,” he mumbled, still not raising his gaze, “I dunno, I guess I'm just going a bit stir-crazy just trying to cram all this stuff in my head, hoping something will work.”

“Then why don't we take a break from all of that today?”

“What do you mean?” he asked, finally looking up to meet her gaze.

“It's like studying for an exam – sometimes just taking a break is what helps the most,” she said brightly. “Come on, it's still early and neither of us have really been out of this house since we got back from London. Let's go out.”

“Out where? Do what, exactly?” he asked, feeling lost.

“Well, if you're up to it – and only if – we could go round the shops and start getting that room up there ready,” she said, eyeing him carefully.

“The baby's room?” he asked, finally perking up a bit.

“If you want to. We could still put it off a few more days if you're not up to it yet.”

“No! No, that sounds good! Great, actually!” He felt a grin stretch across his face at the thought. He'd spent the last few days wondering when they would get around to doing this but feeling uncertain as to how to bring it up.

“Really? You're sure?” Alex asked him.

“Yeah, of course! How do we start? I mean where do we go? What do we need exactly? Obviously, I've never done anything like this, so I have no idea what I'm doing but yeah, absolutely! Exciting!” He clapped his hands in front of him to emphasize his point.

Alex laughed at his enthusiasm, and the sound was like music to his ears as he felt his anxiety and frustration start to melt away. They weren't gone for good - he knew they wouldn't be until his memories came back - but this was the best thing he could think of to keep his spirits up for a good long while.

“I've got all the paperwork from the adoption agency. It's got a checklist of everything we need for the final home inspection,” she explained. “And everything else is mostly common sense. We'll go out and get the basics done at least, enough to get the room set up, and then maybe I'll take Salome out later this weekend to get some of the more fun stuff that you'll have no interest in.”

They'd told Salome about the upcoming adoption the night they'd gotten home. She'd known about it in the abstract already, having been involved from the start and interviewed by the social workers during the approval process, but when they told her that it was actually happening and quite soon at that, she'd been over the moon.

“What, like clothes? Not a chance!” he scoffed. “I can't let you have complete control over my son's wardrobe! He'll end up wearing vintage jeans and huge paisley and flower-printed shirts! The look is great on you, but you are not turning our son into a  _ hippie _ !

She slapped his hand and huffed in indignation as she simultaneously let out a laugh. “Oh, like you're any better? If it were up to you, you'd buy him a whole wardrobe full of skinny jeans, v-neck t-shirts and tiny sunglasses! I'm not letting you turn him into a  _ hipster _ !”

He let out a bark of laughter. “Hey, at least hipsters are cool! You're the only one who can pull off the hippie look though. We've got to give the boy a fighting chance in life, don't we?”

Alex merely shook her head, grinning, before relenting. “How about plain, normal clothes until he's old enough to have a bit of input?”

“Sounds fair enough to me – as long as I get to buy him anything and everything football I can find.”

“Deal.”

“Great! Let's go!” He shot up out of his seat and grabbed her hand, trying to haul her up and towards the door.

“Um, darling?” she laughed as she resisted his pull.

“What?”

She just gave him a pointed look, eyeing him up and down.

Looking down, he realized he was still in his workout clothes and, as Alex had said earlier, smelled like a locker room.

“Oh.”

“Yes,” she grinned, rolling her eyes at him.

“Ok, give me twenty minutes and I'll shower and get dressed. But be ready to go!”

After receiving her reply, he raced out of the kitchen and up the stairs, nearly tripping over his own feet twice in the process.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Thirty minutes later, Matt found himself showered, dressed, and bundled into Alex's car (she'd deemed him too excitable to be handling heavy machinery and he'd grumbled but gotten obediently into the passenger side). The shop they were heading to wasn't very far, but Matt let himself lean back to get comfortable anyway as he chatted with Alex.

“So, you know, I don't think I've even asked – you don't have a picture of him, do you? Of Jamie? The social workers didn't give you one, did they? Because I know we met him and all but -”

“Oh, my god, Matt, I'm sorry, I don't know why I didn't mention it earlier, but I think I do,” she said, tearing her eyes from the road quickly to glance at him apologetically. “Grab my bag from the back, will you? The file with all the paperwork is in there, and I'm pretty sure there's a picture tucked inside somewhere.”

“Yeah?” he said happily, reaching behind him for her massive purse and starting to rifle through it, only feeling a bit strange about doing so. The bag was monstrous, though, and if finding this file was supposed to be an easy task, it was one that he was failing at. “Alex, I don't know how you find anything in here, honestly.”

“Oh, it's not that bad!”

He ducked his head into the bag as he dug through it to prove his point. “Jesus, it's like the bloody TARDIS in here – bigger on the inside, I swear!”

“Oh, shut up!”

"Yeah, yeah... ooh,  _ got _ it!” he exclaimed, finally pulling the folder out of the bag. His hands shook only slightly as he opened it. It was thick with lots of papers, and he had to search through a good bit of it to find the small picture attached to a sheet with a paper clip. When he saw it, he felt his breath hitch in his chest and dimly noticed Alex eyeing him front her position in the driver's seat while still trying to watch the road.

The photo showed a small boy; Matt was no expert on small children, but he looked to be around a year old, like Alex had mentioned. He had a head full of dark brown hair that seemed to be growing in every direction, deep brown eyes that were happy and alert, and a smile bright enough to light up a room. In the shot, he was sitting on the floor and holding up a toy train in front of him as he grinned at the camera, and Matt knew that he was likely being bribed with some sort of treat or toy by the photographer in order to get such a winning smile, but it immediately won his heart over. He longed to reach into the photo and grab the boy, hold him to his chest, and never let go.

He'd always been good with kids, especially after landing the role of the Doctor – it was just something that seemed to come naturally with the role, because he was usually more in character around child fans than not, and the juvenile wonder and excitement of the character seemed to resonate fantastically with them, but in his personal life he'd never had much experience with kids. Honestly, Salome was probably the child he'd spent the most time with over the years. He'd never had to look after a child on his own, and while the idea of having kids had always been something he'd thought about in the periphery of his visions of his future, it was always more abstract. Something he thought about because that's just what people did – they grew up, settled down, got married, and had kids, as his mother had started reminding him persistently over the last few years – and he did love them, but he'd never thought about it too seriously in the present tense. He'd been all right with the prospect of not being a dad once he'd started falling for Alex, coming to the conclusion that having his own children wouldn't be the end of the world, even if it were something he'd love if given the opportunity at some point in the future.

After Alex told him about the adoption, he'd been deliriously happy, ecstatic to know that he'd get the chance after all, despite having figured that it wouldn't happen. But now, seeing the little boy they would be bringing home in likely just a couple of weeks had filled his heart with a sense of joy and longing that made him want to bring him home right  _ now _ .

He took a moment, continuing to stare at the photograph, as he cleared his throat. “He's... I mean... Jesus, Alex, he's -”

“I know,” she answered softly, a smile gracing her lips as she continued to drive. “There aren't words, are there?”

“No, there really aren't.”

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Once they arrived at the store, Matt ended up feeling a bit lost. The place was enormous and filled to the brim with stuff meant only for babies, and he honestly didn't know what most of it was for, but all the sights and colors and variety made him a bit uneasy, terror starting to pool in his stomach at the thought that they'd forget something important or that when the time came, he wouldn't know what to use or how.

He stood quietly beside Alex, taking it all in, as they were almost immediately approached by one of the employees. The girl obviously recognized them but thankfully gave no indication of such, except for the sudden widening of her eyes for the barest moment.

They had spoken in the car about the probability of being recognized while out and spending what would likely be a few thousand pounds on baby items. He and Alex being together may be old news to everyone but Matt by now, but they were both highly recognizable people and them throwing a baby into the mix would almost certainly make a splash once it hit the media, and they were both private people.

They'd agreed to just do their best in keeping a low profile and when the time came, to simply ask people not to spread anything around. It was a tactic they'd both used before that had worked reasonably well, apparently, and it wasn't like they had any other alternatives at this point, since they really wanted to get things to take home today instead of waiting to order online.

The sales girl introduced herself as Sarah and asked if they needed help with anything. Matt merely looked to Alex, who seemed to be in two minds as to whether to accept the girls' assistance or not. Sarah seemed to catch onto their hesitation and looked around to make sure there was no one around to listen in.

“If you two have any questions, or if you need help with anything – maybe just someone to walk around with you? - really, you just have to ask. No one here's gonna go... you know, taking pictures or anything, not those of us who work here, at least. Can't guarantee the other customers won't, but it's the middle of the day and our slow season on top of it, so there really aren't very many people here right now. You really shouldn't... you know, run into any problems or anything while you're doing... whatever you came here to do.”

Matt shot her a grateful grin and saw Alex do the same. The store did look to be just about empty, or at least the parts they could see from where they were standing (the place really was massive) and he could only see a couple of people, mostly employees from the look of it, milling around. He and Alex shared a glance and seemed to come to the same conclusion.

Expressing their gratitude, they took the girl up on her offer of help and allowed her walk them around the store. Alex obviously knew the basics, but seeing as it had been more that a decade since she'd gone shopping for Salome, there seemed to be a slew of new information and tons of products that she, and most definitely he, needed to be filled in on.

As they started to make their way around the store, they explained their situation to the girl and accepted her enthusiastic congratulations. Matt knew that she likely greeted everyone in the store with the same level of excitement, but nonetheless it filled his chest with pride. It was the first time someone outside of Alex and Salome had been told what was going on and the first time he'd been congratulated on his upcoming fatherhood. He'd be a horrific liar if he said it didn't feel good.

Over the next few hours, they were shown cots and changing stations, bedding sets and sheets, carriages and car seats, monitors and safety gates, tons of different sorts of toys (Alex had great fun picking out a stuffed giraffe that she swore reminded her of him, and she seemed so giddy over it he didn't even argue the injustice of the comparison as she placed it aside with their other purchases), and countless other items that made Matt's head feel about ready to explode. By the time they'd picked out everything they wanted, which ended up being much more than just the basics they'd discussed, they had several trolleys tucked into an empty corner of the store near the tills and were waiting on the large freight-sized packages with the nursery furniture to be brought up.

The weight of what they were doing was still sitting heavily in his chest; the elation and excitement was still there of course, but so was that terror that he would do something wrong. Sarah, the shopgirl, seemed to take notice of him standing on his own while Alex wandered over to the clothing section, where she'd planned to come back to do even more shopping with Salome. Matt was so engrossed in his thoughts that when Sarah spoke, he jumped in surprise.

“No need to look so scared, you know.”

Recovering from his slight case of shock, he turned to face her hastily. “I'm not scared! Why would you think that? What do I have to be afraid of?”

Chuckling lightly, the girl nodded wisely. “I see it everyday. Dad-shock. I get mums looking like you do, too, but it's usually more common with the dads. You look at all the stuff you need and it starts to hit home what it is you're about to do. And you're getting everything all at once - most people buy things a little at a time and that way it doesn't seem like so much.”

“It is rather a lot, isn't it?” he conceded.

“Oh yeah, but like I'm trying to say, you're not the only one I see looking terrified. Loads of people come in here looking just as bad as you, if not worse. At least you can form sentences together. Sometimes I get dads who can't get a word out the entire time. You'll be fine.” Not waiting for a response, she merely shot him a reassuring grin and wandered away.

As he pondered her words, he looked again over the insanely large collection of purchases and raised his eyes in surprise once more at the scale of it all. He'd known it was a lot as they were shopping, but seeing it all piled together was something else. As he looked at it all, a thought occurred to him that there was no way they'd be getting most of it all into Alex's tiny car.

He pointed the problem out to her, and after worrying her lip between her teeth for a moment, she made her way back over to Sarah to talk, and they were quickly informed that the place did business with a local delivery company that would be able to come out and take everything they couldn't fit the very next day. So after checking out, with Matt feeling the need to apologize to the woman at the till for the extremely long and complicated checkout process, he and Alex loaded what they could fit into the boot and back seat of the car and headed home, stopping only briefly to pick up cans of paint and supplies to finish the nursery walls off with.

By the time they got back to the house, it was mid-afternoon. After unloading the car and depositing everything in the empty bedroom, Matt and Alex dragged themselves into their room, where they collapsed side-by-side onto the bed. A minute of silence passed as they each luxuriated in the feel of the soft pillows and blankets beneath them.

“Well... that was fun, wasn't it?” Alex finally said, tired but happy.

“Oh yeah, loads. Loved it. Kind of mad, but great, it was,” Matt said, grinning, with his face half-buried in his pillow.

“It was mad, wasn't it?” she laughed softly, twisting her body to face his.

“I didn't know kids needed so much stuff!” he groaned.

“And that's not the last of it, either!” she exclaimed, seeming to be almost as surprised by it as he was. “I think I'd forgotten exactly how much goes into it. Last time I had to start from scratch as well, but I had more time to prepare for it, plus I was actually pregnant at the time. It just felt different. Makes me wish I'd kept some things from when Salome was a baby, but from the way she was talking back there, everything on the market back then seems to be a bloody death trap these days!”

Matt laughed. “Yeah, probably not a great idea to be carting Jamie around in a car seat that was recalled a decade ago. They'd take him back before they'd even driven off the street.”

He heard a sound catch in the back of Alex's throat. “I know it's always a possibility that this might not actually go through, even at this stage, but God, Matt, don't even joke about that.”

He sobered at her words, hearing the light strands of fear layered within them. “Hey,” he rolled over, wrapping his arm around her waist and pressing a kiss to her temple, “It'll be fine. Nothing's going to go wrong. You said it was just about definite, yeah? We wouldn't have gone out shopping today if it wasn't, right?”

“Yes, I know, I do, you're right,” she said softly, returning his kiss with another pressed to his mouth, her tongue coming out to stroke against his bottom lip quickly in thanks. “But you realize that even after we get him, it's not set in stone? It doesn't become official for at least six months. Anytime before that, something could go wrong. They can change their minds, and it's just over. I've tried so hard not to get my hopes up during this whole process, but now that this is happening, now that there's a face to put in the fantasies and I've held him, I don't know that I could take this falling apart.”

“Hey, look at me,” he told her and waited for her eyes to raise and meet his before speaking firmly. “I'm not gonna let that happen, you hear? We're going to finish getting that room and this house ready, we're going to get through this last interview, we're gonna bring him home, and it's all going to be fine with the four of us – me, you, Salome, and Jamie. It's gonna be fine. I promise.”

Alex seemed to take some measure of comfort from his words, which he was glad of, but all Matt could think about was how he hoped that this would be a promise that he could keep.

They stayed like that a while longer, knowing that Salome was due home soon, and wanting to take the time to relax before she arrived. There was another distraction before that happened however, in the form of Matt's phone ringing, which wasn't something it'd done much of this week – he'd only fielded a few calls from his family and agent; everyone else who'd called to check up on him had done so through Alex. So he'd been startled out of his relaxed state by the sound of the ringer and was only more perplexed when the name on the caller ID wasn't one he recognized. It was a number programmed into his phone though, so it had to be someone he knew and had forgotten.

Confused, he turned the phone towards Alex. “I don't know who that is?”

Alex eyed the name for the briefest second before her eyes widened in recognition and surprise. “That's the social worker. Does she just know when we're talking about them? She wasn't supposed to call until next week! Answer it!”

Panicked, Matt fumbled both his words and the phone, dropping it onto the blankets, unable to comprehend the thought of having to field a call from the social worker right now in his current state.

Alex swore, snatching the phone up, bringing her finger to her lips telling him to keep quiet as she pressed the answer button and brought it up to her ear.

“Hello?” she said brightly, sounding to the untrained ear completely happy and worry-free. “Oh yes, hi! How are you? No, Matt's just jumped in the shower... no it's all right, I can pass any information onto him also once he gets out, not a problem. How can I help you?”

Matt watched silently and slightly warily as Alex spoke to the woman on the other end, wondering why they would be calling and what they could want. Alex, while not exactly smiling, didn't seem to be getting horrible news just yet either.

“Isn't that rather soon?” she asked, a worried look upon her face. “No, not at all, it's fine, just sooner than we expected is all. But we actually just went out shopping today, so I guess that was perfect timing really... Yes, that works perfectly... No, thank you so much... Yes, we'll see you then. Goodbye.”

She hung up and looked up to see Matt watching her expectantly. “Well? That didn't sound too bad? What do they want, another meeting?”

“No, they want to push the final interview and inspection up,” she told him. “I mean there wasn't an exact date set yet, but it was supposed to be a couple more weeks. Now they say they would like to place Jamie as soon as possible and want to move it to Friday.”

“Friday?” he gaped at her. “Alex! That's in a week! A week from today!”

“I know,” she moaned as she flopped back down on to her pillows, covering her face with her hands.

“But... I mean that's good, yeah? That they want him with us sooner, rather than later, to the point that they're speeding the process up?” he asked hesitantly as he laid back down next her her and throwing his arm back over her waist.

“I supposed so, yes, it's good in that respect,” she conceded, resting her head on his shoulder. “But we still have so much to do. We were supposed to have more time to get everything done!”

As Matt laid there, waiting for the tell-tale sounds of Salome arriving home, and assuring Alex that it would all get done and work out, the worry going through his head wasn't over getting the room painted, or the cot built, or baby-proofing the house. All he could think was that he now had a week – a week not only to get all those things done, but also to come to some sort of epiphany and get his memories back.

The thought that had been growing in the back of his head since finding out about the adoption, that without them, the social worker or the adoption agency or whoever would deem them unfit and cancel the whole arrangement, had grown to the point of taking up the majority of his current brain power. He had to do something to fix this mess he was in and he had a week left to do it. Maybe he was being irrational, maybe it would end up not even being relevant, like Alex said, but even the possibility of this being the cause of any trouble for them was too much for Matt to accept. He wasn't about to let himself break the promise he'd only just made to Alex.

 


	10. Chapter 10

_ 'And I know things, secrets that must never be told, knowledge that must never be spoken! Knowledge that will make parasite gods blaze! So come on then! Take it! Take it all, baby! _ '

“Ow – shit! Dammit!”

Distracted by the scene playing on the laptop in front of him, Matt had dropped the screwdriver in his hand, his wrist in the middle of a rotation, and in the confusion, the two sides of the cot he was attempting to put together came crashing down on top of him. He rubbed the back of his head roughly, never more grateful that the soreness and tenderness from his concussion had finally faded. The combined pain from that plus this little mishap would have been unbearable.

Still cursing, he leaned over to stand the two pieces of wood back up and scrambled to get a hand on the fallen screwdriver. He'd never been very handy, so maybe attempting to watch one of the still-unseen episodes of his work as the Doctor while building the cot hadn't been his brightest idea. Scowling at the screen a few feet in front of him, he reflected that the Doctor's particular brand of screwdriver would be extremely helpful right about now.

He managed to get the two screws in place needed to get the two pieces stand on their own so that he could look away and watch the show without fear of death. He watched unblinkingly as he – the Doctor – kneeled by the sidelines, watching as his new companion saved the day, still feeling it strange to see his Doctor interacting with a companion that was not played by Karen or Arthur or Alex. She was spunky and mysterious, and he was wondering where Steven was taking the character and the whole multiple-deaths plot line.

The irony wasn't lost on him that, seeing as he was standing there acting alongside her, he really should know the ending to the whole story arc. That was the reason he was watching now, why he could barely take his eyes from the screen as he mapped every move he made, listened to every word he spoke, and even memorized the scenery in every shot, hoping that something would jog a memory.

Shaking his head, he got back to work, finishing up the episode he was on but deciding against starting another one as he finished putting up the other two sides and support frame of the cot, making frequent use of the instruction booklet.

When he finally finished, an embarrassingly long time later, he climbed gingerly to his feet, dusting his hands off on his knees, and dragged the cot over the the spot Alex had said she wanted it, along the middle of the far wall. Once that was finished, he stepped back, fatigued and back aching, to admire the work they'd done over the past two days.

On Friday, after receiving the call about the new appointment day, he and Alex had joined together, with some help from Salome, to write down a definitive list of everything that still needed to be completed – from things that needed to get done in the nursery, to safety checks all around the house and yard, to simply making sure the place was spotless.

The three of them banded together the next day and spent an afternoon painting the walls. They'd chosen a nice, bright blue for the nursery, and all the bedding and décor they still had to set up was a nearly TARDIS blue shade they'd both agreed on. The delivery from the store had arrived in the middle of their project and, until this morning, had all sat in the hallway taking up space. Today, Matt had pushed the dresser and armoire into the room, nearly breaking his back in the process, and built the bloody cot.

Figuring he'd been more than productive enough to warrant a break, he let his mind wander to the day before as he leaned against the doorframe. It had been fun painting the room and not nearly as difficult as he'd thought it would be, with three people sharing the work. Asking Salome to help had been akin to begging a child to eat sweets, and she'd been enthusiastic, immediately jumping up to change into old clothes.

They'd spent an enjoyable afternoon together, laughing and joking, and of course right towards the end it had dissolved into a paint fight, all of them leaving the room covered from head to toe in blue. Matt had loved every second of it. He'd almost forgotten for a moment or two that it should all still feel so very foreign to him but relishing in the fact that it really didn't.

Of course, Matt's favorite part of the afternoon came afterwards, when he and Alex, unable to fairly decide who got to shower first, had quickly come to the joint decision that they'd share it. Matt had run downstairs to grab a bag to put their dirty clothes in to be thrown away later. By the time he reached the en-suite bathroom, Alex was already bare and standing under the spray of the water, her back to the door and shower curtain pulled aside, only the see-through vinyl separating her from the open air of the room and his hungry gaze as his eyes swept over the outline of her form.

Needless to say, he'd stripped quickly, practically jumping out of his spotted and stained clothes and flown in after her, his arms wrapping around her waist as he pressed himself into her back, letting her feel the strength of his need for her as he mouthed at her neck. Before he'd known it, they were both standing under the spray of water, streams and drops of both water and blue paint streaking down their faces and bodies as he hoisted her against the wall, felt her wrap her legs around his waist, and slid into her, his hips setting a fast and powerful rhythm, the only sounds passing between them the hiss of the water and each of their moans.

Neither of them had lasted long and, Matt reflected now, Alex had teased him mercilessly for the rest of the day that that he'd performed exceedingly well considering the fact that Salome was still awake and in the house. Up until then, he'd still been hesitant to have sex while that was true, preferring to enjoy the feel of Alex underneath him either at night or during the school day while the girl was gone. He'd gone red, words failing him when she pointed it out with a giggle as he'd helped to wash the rest of the paint from her body.

Shaking himself from his thoughts, he exited the room and made his way downstairs. Alex and Salome were out, having gone on that final shopping trip to get all the clothes and things they hadn't bought the other day, but he knew they would likely be back soon, seeing as they'd been gone for hours now.

He grabbed himself a sandwich for lunch and he'd nearly finished eating it when the sound of the front door opening and the loud, mad voices of his two favorite girls reached his ears. Hearing their voices making their way towards the kitchen, he stayed put in his seat at the table, only stuffing the last of his meal into his mouth when they entered the room, his mouth full as he gave an enthusiastic wave to the both of them.

As one, they laughed at him as they set their shopping bags on the table in front of him. Eyeing the mountain in front of him, he forced the last of the food down his throat. “My God, how much did you two buy?”

“Quiet, you!” Alex reprimanded him with a smile. “It's not that much!”

“Matt, really, we need all this stuff!” Salome exclaimed, throwing him her best attempt at a glare.

He dug through the contents of the first couple of bags within his reach. “We need... about a thousand different outfits? Most of which he'll probably grow out of in a couple of months, and... Jesus, how many toys did you two get?”

“Well, it's not like he'll be coming from his foster home with much of anything. A few pieces of clothing and maybe a toy or two. We have to fill in the holes,” Alex explained.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” he chuckled good-naturedly, “It's just... I know the room is pretty big, but with all that furniture - the dresser, the armoire, the rocking chair, the bookcase, the cot, and now all of this stuff – I just don't know where we're gonna put Jamie. If we can fit him at all, he won't be allowed to grow. He'll have to remain baby-sized until he moves out, because I just don't think there will be enough  _ room _ for him.”

Ignoring the actual point of his words, Salome squealed excitedly. “All the furniture is set up? It's finished? Can I see?”

“Yeah, sure, go ahead,” he grinned, and she was out the door before he finished speaking. He shook his head fondly as he looked up at Alex standing next to him. “Christ, that girl has energy. Feeling bloody jealous of her right now, I'll tell you.”

Alex laughed, the sound holding an air of wickedness to it that made his blood stir, and took hold of his offered hand, allowing him to pull her into his lap. “Did you wear yourself out today, darling? Stamina not quite what it was?”

“There's nothing wrong with my  _ stamina _ , as you bloody well know,” he growled into her neck, nipping at the skin there. “I think I've been quite thorough in assuring you of that, last night especially... and this morning.”

He heard her breath hitch in her throat and he felt her lean nearly imperceptibly into him, her hips pressing down into his just fractionally. “Really? I'm afraid I can't quite remember that at all. You'll have to remind me.”

Knowing that Salome was only upstairs and that she would likely be back down any moment, all he cold do was groan. “Later.”

“Is that a promise?”

“It's a bloody guarantee.”

Giggling gently, she rose from his lap and sat herself in the chair next him, their knees still touching but now a safe distance between them. “Not sure how much I believe in your guarantee, darling, you look exhausted.”

“Well you would too, if you had to move all that furniture into the room and get rid of those huge boxes they all came in, not to mention putting that bloody cot together.”

She shook her head disapprovingly. “I can't believe you did all of that yourself. You should should have waited until we got home. Or you could have called Henry – he would have come over to give you a hand.”

He scoffed. “I don't need your brother-in-law to give me a hand, I handled it perfectly fine on my own. Besides, it would have felt weird calling him up – I barely know him.”

Alex's sister Nicola had stopped by for a quick visit the previous morning, before all the excitement of the day had started, and with her, she'd brought her husband, David, to check on them and introduce themselves to him properly. They'd seemed great – nice and friendly, personable, and he could see himself getting on great with both of them, but thirty minutes of chit-chat with his brother-in-law hadn't made him quite comfortable enough to phone the man up and ask him to drive over and lend him a hand if he didn't absolutely need to.

“You know, you and Henry were quite close before,” Alex mused thoughtfully.

“Yeah, I know, you mentioned. And he seems great – they both did,” he said quickly, not wanting her to think he hadn't like her sister when he absolutely had. “Just didn't need his help is all. I had it covered.”

She shook her head. “You could have hurt yourself.”

“But I didn't! Look at me! Fit as a fiddle – well, almost,” he laughed and scratched sheepishly at his head, thinking of the collapsing cot. “I'm a perfectly able-bodied bloke, thank you very much.

“Yes, a perfectly skinny able-bodied bloke - with a back problem,” she teased him, a mischievous gleam in her eye.

“My back feels perfectly fine... mostly,” he protested. “And correct me if I'm wrong, but I seemed to have noticed a rather lot more muscle mass on my body than I remember having four and a half years ago. Not quite so skinny anymore.”

“Mhhm, no you've got a point there. Must say, those muscles are one of my favorite  _ bits _ of you,” she said softly, leaning closer into him.

“Yeah? What are your other favorites?” He grinned and licked his lips.

“Guess you'll just have to wait until later to find out, won't you?” she said before closing the distance between them once more and kissing him softly. He grinned against her mouth, feeling the warm pressure of her lips against his, feeling her open under him and allowing him access to her waiting mouth. He heard a soft moan escape from the back of her throat, the vibration shooting through his lips as he let a groan of his own out and pressed his lips against hers more heatedly.

“Oh, come on you two – not in the kitchen! We eat in here!”

They sprung apart, both of them flushed red, as they turned and saw Salome standing in the doorway, her arms crossed against her chest and a look of half amusement, half disgust evident on her face.

“Oi! Maybe if you actually made some noise when you walked, we wouldn't have this problem!” Matt admonished, pointing a finger accusingly at her, hoping his cheeks weren't actually as red as they felt. Judging by the amused look on Alex's face, however, he knew the chances of that weren't very high.

Nonplussed by his accusation, Salome merely leaned against the counter nearest them and raised an eyebrow. “Hey, it's not my fault you two are so caught up in snogging each other you can't even hear me coming down the stairs,” she snarked, her tone dour but eyes gleaming as she looked over at the two of them.

“Hey, that was cheeky! Alex, your daughter is cheeky! She wasn't cheeky before; she was sweet and tiny and adorable and she used to actually  _ like _ me! Now she's a snarky, cheeky teenager! How could you let this happen?” he whinged, turning a glare of his own onto Alex.

“I take none of the blame for that!” she replied crossly, throwing her hands in the air in defense. “I chalk it all up to an excess of exposure to Karen over the years!”

“No more hanging out with Kazza for you!” he pointed at Salome. Then, turning to Alex, he said under his breath, “I can't actually do that, can I?”

Chuckling at his doubtful expression, Alex shook her head. “No, you can't. But I really don't think it'll be much of an issue for a while, considering she's all the way over in LA.”

“You two are really, really weird, you know that right?” Salome cut in, shaking her head fondly at the both of them.

“Oh, you love us,” he grinned up at her, winking.

“Only when you're not making out at the kitchen table.”

He looked up and saw Alex huff and roll her eyes.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Later that evening, the three of them took a break from their work preparing the house, and gathered in the sitting room to watch a film. They were all squished onto one couch, Matt in the center with Alex laying down and resting her head in his lap and Salome curled up under his arm beside him.

They were both engrossed in the movie, and normally Matt would be basking in contentment at a moment like this, but right now he was distracted. Distracted by the volume of the television, by the feel of Salome's head on his shoulder, the texture of Alex's hair as he ran his fingers through it, by the thoughts running a mile a minute through his head. He hated that it was during these quiet, comfortable moments that his brain strayed and started obsessing over his lost memories, but that was exactly what was happening right now.

While he should have been focusing on the film, he was trying to remember if he'd ever seen it before. While he should have just been enjoying the feel of Alex's curls wrapped around his fingers, instead he was using it to try and trigger a memory of doing so previously. Instead of just sitting back, relaxing, and enjoying the feel of the Alex and Salome next to him, his gaze darted around the room, focusing and zeroing in on the framed pictures on the walls. He'd seen them all already of course, had gone through everything days previously, but the small voice in the back of his head kept saying that if he only saw them one more time, everything would come flooding back.

For nearly two hours he sat there, trying to stop from jiggling his knees with pent-up energy, or from making it too obvious he wasn't actually watching the movie, but luckily both Alex and Salome were too engrossed to really notice his distraction. When it finally ended, both women sat up and proceeded to talk about what they'd just watched. Neither paid him more attention than he could handle with a few grunts or nods of his head and he was left mostly alone as he tried to get his mind back on track.

About ten minutes after the end of the film, Salome climbed off the couch. “Well, I'm gonna head up.”

Shifting to curl up next to Matt, Alex sighed in contentment before answering. “You're going to bed,  _ Mausi _ ?”

Yawning, Salome said, “Yeah, I've got school tomorrow, so I'm heading to bed. Night, Mom, night, Matt.”

“Goodnight.”

“Night, Sal.”

He and Alex sat quietly as they listened to Salome climb the stairs to her room and he tried to calm his anxiety by inhaling the scent of her next to him, breathing it in and holding it in his lungs, feeling a slight sense of calm settling over him.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Hmm?” he murmured, startled out of his thoughts by the sound of Alex's soft voice in his ear.

She turned her head to look up at him. “I can practically hear the cogs working in your head. What are you thinking about?”

“Ah, nothing really. Just, you know... thinking. Nothing important,” he told her wrapping his arm around her shoulders, bringing her closer to his chest and holding her tightly.

“You sure? You're all right?”

“Yeah, I'm fine,” he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head and shutting his eyes against the whirlwind of thoughts, feelings, and worries crowding his brain. “Besides, what could possibly be wrong in a moment like this, huh? I'm sitting here with my gorgeous wife and her glorious space hair. I couldn't be happier.”

After a brief moment, Alex turned in his arms to face him quickly, her face alight but he couldn't quite read the expression on it. “You haven't reached the end of series seven on  _ Who _ already, have you?”

“What?” he asked, confused at the sudden out-of-place question. “Er - no. I'm just a bit past where Karen and Arthur left. Why?”

At that, Alex grinned and he could now see the hope shining in her eyes. ”Because, Matt, that – space hair – that's from the show! It's a line from the final episode, and as soon as you read it in the script, you loved it and started saying it all the time. And you just said it!”

“What?” he gaped at her, his jaw dropping as he wracked his brain for any wisp of memory that that particular phrase could have come from. “But – but I don't-”

“Just breathe and think, Matt.”

He did. He shut his eyes tight and took a deep, steadying breath, doing his damnedest to just focus and grasp hold of  _ something _ . 

Space hair. Alex's magic space hair, the way it just exploded from her head and shined in the light, the way it felt in his fingers when he tugged at it and how it would spring back immediately into position. He thought so hard he started to feel the stirrings of that same feeling he'd felt at her parents' house – the strange, surreal feeling almost like there was a memory fighting its way up through the wires in his brain and it was close, so very, very close -

But, no. Just as quickly as the feeling had come over him, it was simply gone. He groaned. “I've got nothing.”

He could hear the disappointment in his own voice and could practically feel it coming off Alex in waves. She leaned up and kissed him on the jaw, lingering for just a moment. “It's all right, darling. It was still a good sign, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he mumbled, turning his head to speak into her temple, his words muffled by her hair. “Yeah, it's a good sign. It's a sign that this is gonna happen. I just need to focus more, and I'll get there. I promise I will.”

“Matt, I don't want this driving you mad, all right?” she said with a pleading tone to her voice. “I shouldn't have even said anything, you'll remember on your own in enough time.”

“No, letting it just come to me isn't working. I've got to make myself remember,” he said stubbornly.

“And how exactly do you plan on doing that?”

“You just let me take care of that, yeah?” he said softly into her ear, an idea forming in his head. “I don't want you worrying about it.” He swooped down and kissed her on the cheek, again on the bump in the middle of her nose, her jaw, trailing down to her neck, where he enjoyed a few moments of distraction for the both of them, nipping and kissing and licking.

A strangled sound came from Alex and he thought for a minute that she might stop him, but it was followed quickly by a low moan. She twisted in his arms, scrambling to her knees next to him, her eyes dark and breath quick. “You're sure you're all right, right? Positive you don't want to talk about it?” she asked him, obviously trying to steady and control herself, preparing to stop and console him, but he could see the way her skin was flushed and her eyes appreciatively took in his form against the back of the sofa.

He grabbed hold of her hand and pulled her flush against him. “Talking is the absolute last thing I wanna do right now,” he whispered to her before surging up and capturing her lips under his.

It lasted only a moment before she pulled away, looking intently at him, no doubt trying to get a read on his emotional state. What she found must have been satisfactory, because before he knew it, her lips were on his and their chests were pressed together, her hands fisting in his hair. He kissed her back hungrily, lips moving furiously and hips circling hers in a perfect rhythm that was sure to bring him off before they even got anywhere.

With that in mind, he pulled away regretfully, shifting to start standing up and pulling her after him. They quickly stumbled their way up the stairs, doing their best not to disturb Salome, who likely wasn't even asleep yet. When they finally reached their room and locked the door behind them, a possessiveness came over Matt. He grabbed Alex's face between his hands and brought his mouth down to hers in another bruising kiss. Together they divested each other of their clothes, and when he finally lowered her onto the plush mattress, the scent of her arousal was already pervading the air around them.

Inhaling deeply, Matt knew that this was when he really had to start focusing. Now he had to be fully present, with his head in the game, devoted not only to pleasuring the goddess beneath him, but focusing just as much, if not more so, on the emotions he was feeling and the physical sensations running through his body. He knew that this was it – this was how he was going to do it. This was how he was finally going to get his blasted memories back.

They'd had sex since he'd lost them of course, plenty of times now, but all of those times he'd just gone along with it, taken it as it was and not for what it could be – his key to success. He knew, somehow, that if he could just focus his mind during the emotional and physical rollercoaster that was sex – especially sex with Alex – he could trigger everything back into place.

Everything he lost started around the same time he first got together with Alex. It all revolved around his relationship with her, so he knew that if he could get his body and emotions feeling as much as they possibly could while simultaneously focusing all his energy on simply feeling them, on her, and everything he wanted for them, that he could end all this trouble and ridiculousness and just get back to his life without feelings of incompleteness plaguing him every second of the day.

Keeping all this in mind, Matt leaned down to cover Alex's body with his own, hands on her waist and lips trailing from her neck to her collarbone as she gasped beneath him. He slid down just enough to reach her chest and brought his tongue out to tease her nipple, delighting in the feel of the rough bud beneath his tongue, trying to memorize the way it felt in his mouth, straining and covered in his saliva as his sucked it between his lips. He brought his hand up to her other breast, toying the nipple between his fingers and loving the way he could feel it instantly harden in his touch as Alex cursed above him.

While he was busy lavishing attention on her breasts, Alex must have been getting impatient because he soon welcomed the feel of her tiny hand wrapping around his rock-hard cock. He groaned at that, accidentally scraping his teeth slightly harder against the nipple he still held in his mouth than he normally would have.

But Alex only threw her head back in pleasure and moaned, her hand tightening even more firmly around him. Grinning to himself, he switched breasts, taking the other one into his mouth and bringing his hand to run circles around the first while it was still wet. He felt her body jerk in response, and she immediately started to pump her fist up and down his cock, her pace fast, and brought her thumb down over the head to circle his slit, rubbing the pre-cum over the head.

“ _ Fuck _ , Alex!” he cried out, panting with his face between her breasts, loving the sensations her actions sent soaring through his body and trying to tunnel everything else out so he could just bloody  _ focus _ . On the other hand, however, if he did that particular job  _ too _ well, this would all be over immediately and he couldn't let that happen either.

Alex was obviously in a similar state as he was, because he could feel her whole body shaking with need and he hadn't even touched her where they both wanted him to yet. “God, Matt,  _ please _ !” her voice rang out, and at the same time he felt her hips rise and buck into his persistently, practically begging to be touched.

“'Please' what, Alex?” he murmured into her skin, sliding back up her body as he spoke until their eyes were level. “What do you want, Alex? Tell me, and it's yours, please.” Before he gave her a chance to answer, however, he ducked his head and pulled her into another kiss, his mouth opening over hers instantly, his tongue pushing inside insistently as he mapped out the caverns of her mouth, relishing in the taste of her, always so amazing, always delicious in his mouth even back before she was really his, back when they were shooting that first kiss on the Stormcage set, and he doesn't know how he was ever able to let her just walk away from him that day without pulling her back to him for another searing kiss without all the lights and the crew members and the acting, only the two of them.

Back in the here and now, as his tongue danced across hers and stroked and sucked on it, her hands were roaming their way up his back, tangling in his hair and he thought back to the pictures he'd seen of himself with short hair – it had been weird at first, but he'd ended up liking the look of it, had even been contemplating cutting it back down again, but this – the feel of Alex's hands entwining in it, fingers grazing his scalp as she pulled gently and then not-so-gently – made him feel insane for even contemplating it. Nothing would ever beat the feel of that.

When they finally broke apart, he dropped his forehead to hers, staring down at her gently, taking in her flushed cheeks, her dark, lust-filled eyes, and her lips, red and swollen as she gasped for breath. “What do you want, Alex? What do you need? Tell me?”

She groaned and lowered her hands from his scalp to wrap around his neck, gave him another quick peck on the lips and stared straight into his eyes. “Just you, Matt. God, all I need is you, nothing else.”

Sensing a second meaning behind her words and choosing to ignore them for now, he kept his head touching hers as he reached down, stroking her folds once, twice, checking to make sure she was ready before slowly sinking two fingers inside her. She cried out, sharp and loud, and Matt nearly broke out of his lust-filled delirium to shush her, fearing Salome might hear, but then the pure sensation of the feel of her wrapped around his fingers hit him full blast. She was so hot and tight and silky and he was sure his brain was going to overload if he didn't pull his fingers from her and just take her  _ right now _ .

“God, Alex, perfect – you're so fucking perfect, I just can't-”

He broke off and buried his face in her shoulder, still pumping his fingers inside her, angling them just right until he felt her walls start to clench tight around them, and pulled them out, bringing his hand immediately to his face to taste the juices dripping from them.

As he savored the taste, licking at his fingers, and inhaling that amazing scent now coming from them, he felt her slam her fist against the bed in frustration. “Goddammit! Matt, please, I need you, please-!”

“Shhh, gotta be patient, love,” he said as he lowered himself so his head was between her legs, finally able to breathe her in, free and clear, for the first time that night. He leaned forward and nudged her clit with his nose, loving the cry she let loose from her lips. “You wouldn't wanna deny me my favorite part, would you?”

With that, he flicked his tongue out, ever-so-briefly against her clit again, feeling her shudder beneath him, before dipping it into her dripping entrance, sliding it in as far as he could reach, not caring that he might not be able to breath properly. His only thoughts were of mapping her from the inside out, of the sounds that were currently escaping her mouth at an almost alarmingly high pitch, of the way her back was arching and her hips twisting in the sheets, of concentrating on this moment, right here, imprinting these sensations in his memory forever.

When he finally brought his tongue back out to circle at her clit, he only got to the third stroke before she came apart, hips flying to the point that he had to grasp them in his hands to stop himself from getting knocked out, a keening sound echoing through the room as he continued to lap at her, slower and slower as she came down from her orgasm, panting and heaving.

He crawled back over her, kissing her with everything he had. He stroked his tongue against hers, wanting her to taste the glorious taste of herself in his mouth, wanting to convey to her everything he was feeling, every ounce of love shooting through his heart for her. He didn't want to talk about his memory loss, because every time he even thought about it, it made him feel less deserving of this, of having this amazing woman, of being the man who got to make love to her and spend his life with her, and he knew, now more than before, that this was going to work. Once he was in the throes of release, her name on his lips and mind full of nothing but her, concentrating on his goal of being whole and complete and having everything they wanted together, everything would come flying back to him.

After of few minutes of kissing her, on her lips, her face, her neck and chest, as she came down from her high, Matt started to feel Alex's hands roaming his body, trailing lower and lower until one grasped his cock, stroking methodically for a moment before he was able to stop her with a shake of his head. “I won't make it.”

With a wicked grin, Alex brought her hands back up to wrap around his neck. “Then get on with it, darling.” She kissed him again, nipping at his bottom lip.

Grinning, he locked eyes on her, wanting to capture every moment in his memory as he grasped his length in hand and guided it to her entrance. When he sunk in, inch by agonizing inch, his breath caught in his chest and he found it difficult to breath for a few seconds while Alex gave another keening sob, her eyes snapping shut against the feeling of being filled.

“No, come on, open your eyes, Alex. I wanna see you, I wanna see your gorgeous face while I make love to you,” he murmured in her ear, straining to keep still, to not move an inch until he could see her face in full.

She slowly opened her eyes and all he could see shining back at him were rays of love as she beamed up at him. She raised her head just an inch to kiss him once more as she readjusted her grip on his neck. “Move, darling, please.”

So he did. He pulled his hips back slowly, pulling out almost all the way, the tip of his erection the only part still within her, before pushing slowly back in, grunting in pleasure as he felt her wet heat wrap around him again. Over and over, he pulled out and pushed back in, never hurrying his pace, never speeding up or adding more force, just keeping a slow, steady, and sensual rhythm between them.

On every thrust he groaned and heard her cry out beneath him, cursing him for his patience, crying his name, confessing her love for him, over and over as her nails dug deliciously into his back. He knew he'd have marks the next day, but instead of worrying over it, he grinned at the thought. He'd never be upset at being marked by the beautiful, amazing Alex Kingston.

Eventually they both started to approach their ends. Matt's hips were shaking and slipping on each thrust as he fought to keep the pace of them steady, and he could hear Alex murmuring into his neck, unintelligible at first, but eventually, he caught a few sentences.

“Oh, God, yes!” and “Right there, darling, don't stop! Please don't ever stop!” and “It's you, it's always you. You're the same; amazing no matter what.”

“God, you're brilliant. And beautiful. And I have no fucking clue what I ever did to deserve you,” he gasped out, unable to hold himself back, wanting her to know just how truly great she was, how much he was grateful for this life that had been thrust on him.

Almost as soon as the words had left his mouth, he heard her cry out, her walls clamping tightly around him as he continued to rock his hips into hers, her nails digging into his back hard enough that he wouldn't be surprised if he found blood there later.

He continued stroking within her, riding the crest of her orgasm with her, seeking his own with determination as he readied himself, bringing every last thought, every sensation, every hope and wish, to the forefront of his mind. He could feel his release speeding down his spine, shooting into his cock and his balls, tightening everything as he pressed his head against hers, hoping, half out of his mind with pleasure, that maybe on top of all his mental preparations, that her memories might just transfer to him through some sort of insane orgasm-osmosis.

When he finally came, her name flew from his lips and his hips jerked, completely outside of his control at this point, as Alex urged him on – one hand on his arse and the other in his hair, smoothing it back, and he could feel it – that wonderful burn of... something... flying through his mind. His hips continued to spasm, driving into Alex over and over as he emptied himself within her, all the while knowing that this was it, he could feel the strange sensation overtaking parts of his brain. He was so close, he knew it.

When his hips finally stilled, his head dropped to Alex's shoulder, breathing deeply, searching, waiting for that final wave to fill his head again, sure that this had worked, unable to contemplate that it hadn't. Alex's hands now roamed his back, stroking it soothingly as he fought to catch his breath, but Matt felt anything but serene.

It hadn't worked. His mind was still a blank. It had been working, he knew it had, he'd felt it. But there was still nothing in his head where the last four and a half years should have been. His mind was still as blank as it had been before, only now Matt was not only confused and lost but frustrated. Angry, even.

' _ Goddammit _ !' he cursed inwardly to himself, face still buried in Alex's neck.

Alex froze beneath him, her breath hitching as she took a shark intake of breath.

_ 'Shit!' _ He'd said that aloud. He must have done. Because when he quickly pulled his head back to look down at her, her face was filled with hurt and confusion.

“Matt? What's wrong?” she asked cautiously, as if she wasn't quite sure of what to make of him.

“Alex, I – n-nothing. Nothing's wrong!” he said, trying cover for himself. He hadn't really thought about it before, but she very likely wouldn't be happy if she'd known what his intentions when jumping into bed with her had been.

“Yes, yes, there is,” she said quietly, starting at him. “Why did you just say -?”

“It's just-” he cut her off, hoping that if he just  _ explained _ , she'd be fine, would know that remembering hadn't been the only reason he'd just slept with her, that it could never be the only reason, but that it had been important, so important, that he finally remember. “I just... thought it would work.”

He dropped his head as he said it, unable to meet her gaze.

“You thought  _ what _ would work exactly? Work at  _ what _ ?” her tone was definitely bordering on anger, a slightly harsh tone evident as she addressed him.

“Just... you know... thinking. Concentrating. During sex. Just... I dunno... thinking about everything all at once while my body was so hay-wired and we were so connected, and... I  _ honestly _ thought it would work. I mean, it's when we're the most open, the most vulnerable, and I was obviously with you and it's the memories of  _ you _ I want back and I just -”

He broke off, glancing up to look at her for the first time. When he saw her, he wished he'd kept his head down because the sight of stray tears trickling down her face was too much for his heart or conscience to bear. Slowly, he leaned back and got to his knees, levering himself off her.

She slowly sat up and covered herself with the sheet from the foot of the bed, staring at him, quiet for way too many seconds as she thought over her next words.

“And I take it by your angry outburst it didn't work?” Her voice only shook a little but the guarded look on her face told him enough.

“No, it didn't,” he forced himself to say. “But it almost did! I could  _ feel _ it starting to, Alex, I swear!”

“So, all of this was just a means to an end for you, was it? Just so you could get your bloody memories back?”

He flinched at her harsh words. “No! Come on, Alex, you know that's not true! I just thought it would help! And it's important, getting those memories back! I thought you'd understand that, be willing to try anything!”

“My God, Matt, I don't care about your damned memories!” she cried out, more tears slipping from the corners of her eyes. “Yes, sure, I'd love for you to get them back, but if that never happens, is it really the end of the world? You've seemed happy since this whole thing started, you've seemed like you wanted all of this -”

“I do!” He scrambled back to her side, grasping her hands between his and pleading earnestly. “Trust me, I do! More than anything. This – all of this – is all I've ever wanted!”

“Then why have you gone around here for the last week and a half obsessing over remembering? Why can't you just let them come back to you naturally? We went through everything, you saw all the pictures and the videos, and we've talked and I've told you stories, everything I can think of! Now why can't you just give it time to sink in and come to you?”

Shaking his head, Matt struggled to find words. “I just... I need to remember. I don't feel whole without those memories, like I'm not a full man, like I'm not the same man, and that's all I want to be for you. Maybe I was wrong, this shouldn't have happened like this, but I just don't want everything ruined over my stupid accident. I mean, what about Jamie? What about those social workers? We're gonna have to tell them about all this! What if it ruins everything?”

Grasping at her hair in frustration, she groaned out, “How many times do I have to tell you? It's not going to be an issue! Yes, maybe I've been a bit worried, but that was just me panicking. They're not going to have a problem with it, so long as your doctors sign off on your brain damage not posing a danger to anyone.” Her voice, which had previously been harsh and angry, had started to wane in intensity as she spoke but somehow that didn't make Matt feel any better.

“But do you know what, Matt? They're not the ones I'm worried about right now. Maybe we shouldn't go through with it. You're obviously not ready, not right now, with all this going on, and honestly, I don't know if I can deal with a baby on top of all of this. Maybe it should have all just stayed a pipe dream.”

“No!” Matt exclaimed, horror-struck. “Come on, you don't mean that, Alex! You - you told me how much you wanted this – wanted him! I want him, Salome wants him! We can't just cancel everything now!”

Tears continued to stream down her face as she threw the covers back and stood from the bed. “They can find another family for him. Do you know how many strings we pulled to be put near the top of the list? They'll find another family for him easily.”

Still kneeling in the bed, unable to move as he watched Alex walk over to a chair and grab her robe, Matt just whispered, “But I don't want that. You don't want that. I know you don't, Alex.”

Tying the robe securely around her waist, she avoided his gaze as she walked over to the door. “Maybe not, but it just may be what we need to do. I don't know if it can work with things as they are. You're too preoccupied with all of this, taking care of a baby might just be too much for the both of us.” She sighed and finally raised her gaze, staring at him with red-rimmed eyes and a lost expression on her face. “I'm going to go stay downstairs tonight. I need to think. You stay here, and we'll... talk in the morning.”

With that, before he could even find his voice to protest, she'd opened the door and stepped out, shutting it firmly behind her.

Matt just sat there staring at the door for several minutes, wondering how things had gone from so incredibly good to so horrifically bad in such a short amount of time. Sighing in defeat and dismay, he dropped back down onto the pillows behind him, rolling over to punch the one next to him, letting out an angry, muffled shout into it as he tried not to let the tears slip past his eyes.

He rolled back over onto his back and covered his face with his hands, thinking. He knew neither one of them wanted to cancel the adoption, he knew she was angry and hurt, and he knew he had to fix it somehow, knowing he'd never forgive himself if he didn't. He had half a mind to go downstairs and try to fix this now, but she'd specifically told him to stay put and he rather hoped she'd calm down and be more open to changing her mind in the morning.

Groaning at his own stupidity, he shut his eyes and tried to get to sleep, knowing he'd need to be at his best in the morning, but also knowing that he'd likely spend the night tossing and turning, lost in his own living nightmares.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the longer-than-anticipated wait agian! This chapter gave me a fair bit of trouble and then I hurt my finger quite badly which made typing painful, so yeah. But here's the next bit Hope you guys enjoy! All your lovely comments have been a big motivation on every chapter!

As he'd expected, sleep did not find Matt until much later that night, and when it finally did pull him under, it was restless and broken and anything but peaceful. Before the sun had even risen, he was sick of simply laying in bed when he should be downstairs doing  _ something _ to fix things with Alex. She was probably still asleep. It was still early, too early for her to be up with Salome, and if she'd slept even a fraction as badly as he had, she'd still be exhausted.

He didn't know what to do, what to think. On the one hand, Alex was angry. She was hurt. And he was the cause of it. That thought just about killed him. It had been barely more than a week since he'd woken up next to her. A week and a half of having Alex to himself, of being married, of not only loving her freely but also having her love him in return, something he'd never imagined possible before this whole insane ordeal. Even taking Salome and the baby out of the equation, he wouldn't give any of that up for the world. Add them back in, and he was a completely lost cause. He'd do whatever he had to do keep hold of this life he'd somehow managed to build for himself.

But on the other hand, after the initial anger and disappointment (which still dwelled there inside him) had faded, the fact that he'd been so close to remembering everything (or at least  _ something _ ) made him all the more hopeful for a quick resolution to his problem. He wasn't mad – he was absolutely sure that he'd been on the very edge of remembering, that he was so desperately close to stepping over the line and he now couldn't seem to keep any of his limbs still.

He quickly threw on ito a pair of joggers and a t-shirt and made his way downstairs, not knowing what he was going down to do but just needing to get out of the bedroom where he could do nothing but stew in his own misery. Once he reached the bottom floor, he walked over to the guest room where he assumed Alex had slept. He wanted to check that she was all right and possibly even join her in the bed if he could work up the nerve, hoping that waking up next to him would put some of her anger out of her mind, but when he tried the door, it was locked.

He sighed in defeat, resting his head briefly against the doorframe before walking away and heading towards the kitchen. She may not be up yet, but she would be soon. The absolute least he could do would be to have breakfast waiting.

Nearly a half hour later, Matt had plated the last of the food and was waiting impatiently for Alex to arrive. But it was Salome who entered the kitchen first, dragging her feet and rubbing at her eyes, still dressed in her pyjamas.

“Matt?” she said, surprised, no doubt to see him. He'd so far not not come down with Alex in the mornings to see Salome off to school, mostly because on the first morning in the house when Alex's alarm had gone off, she rolled over and told him to go back to sleep, so he assumed it wasn't something he'd done regularly before either. “What are you doing down here?”

“Hey, morning Sal!” he said, trying to greet her enthusiastically and hoping he wasn't failing too badly. “I just... couldn't sleep. Thought I'd come down and make meself useful. Here, come on, sit, eat!”

She walked over to the table and sat down, eyeing him carefully. “Where's Mom? I know I'm a few minutes early, but why are you down here instead of her? She's not sick or something, is she?”

“No, no, your mum's fine,” he assured her quickly, “and I'm sure she'll be along any minute. Just figured I'd come down for a change, since I was up anyway”

“But, why? And why wouldn't you two just come down together?”

“Well, uh, to be honest with you, Poppet, your mum and I-”

“What's going on in here?”

Alex had finally arrived. She was wearing the same dressing gown she'd left the room with last night and looked haggard and exhausted. He watched as her surprised expression narrowed into one of unease as she looked over at him.

“'Morning, Alex!” he greeted her, trying not to let his anxiousness show. “Er... breakfast?

“No, thank you, Matt, I'm really not very hungry right now,” she said quietly, avoiding his gaze. Her arms were wrapped around her body in what looked to be a very self-conscious manner, and Matt knew they weren't going to talk now. She was still closed off, and if he were honest, he'd been hoping to catch a few minutes alone with her before Salome came down. She obviously wasn't going to talk about last night with her daughter in the room.

Scrambling to his feet, Matt quickly said, “No, nonsense, Kingston! You have to eat, come on!” He pulled a chair out in front on her and, half expecting her to push him away, hesitantly took her by the shoulders and pushed her down into it. “I – er - I know you two like to have your little morning chats, so I'll leave you to it. I'm gonna go up and grab a shower, how's that? Salome, you have a good day and I'll see you later. Alex, I'll – er – I'll see you in a bit, yeah?”

He didn't wait for a response. He only plucked up the courage to press a quick kiss to the top of Alex's head, glad that her only reaction had been a small jump of surprise, and scampered quickly from the room and up the stairs, internally cursing himself the whole way.

He took his time showering and dressing again afterwards, wanting, first of all, to be sure that Salome had gone, and secondly, to be sure to give Alex just a bit more time before he faced her again. She'd seemed more cautious this morning, more wary, during the few seconds they'd actually been in the same room, rather than angry, as she'd been the previous night.

He'd spent the whole night tossing and turning, debating how he was going to go about fixing things, but he still had no idea. As of right now, he was still in the mindset that just following her lead and begging for forgiveness was the best option, but he still wanted the same things as before – he wanted to remember, and he didn't want to ruin his chances of doing so by not trying to trigger his memory. He didn't have the patience to just wait it out. This was only the tenth day, but that was ten days too many.

Finally deciding that he couldn't very well hide upstairs all day, he cautiously made his way back down the stairs. He edged himself back into the kitchen and saw her at the sink, washing up the plates from breakfast. Steeling himself, he walked closer to her, still careful to keep a distance between them.

“I would have done that.”

She jumped and turned around, clapping a hand over her heart. She steadied herself before speaking, her voice low and hesitant. “Don't be ridiculous, I've got it.”

“The whole point was that you wouldn't have to do anything.”

“It's not exactly what I'd call hard labor. I've got it.”

“Right... then I guess I'll just... sit?” he asked hesitantly. When she didn't respond, he took her silence as approval.

He waited quietly as she finished at the sink, fidgeting the whole time with worry. He was an idiot. He knew that. He knew what he'd done last night had been wrong, that the whole way he'd been approaching the issue of regaining his memories had been wrong. It didn't  _ feel _ wrong, not really, but he knew in his head, especially after seeing Alex so upset, that it was. He only hoped he could right whatever this was and get things back to how they had been before. Everything had been going great, lack of memories notwithstanding, and he really didn't want his stupid mistakes ruining things for all of them.

He finally heard the water turn off and looked up, watching as Alex dried her hands. She turned around, looked at him for a moment, and then walked over, taking a seat at the table across from him.

They were both quiet for a moment, just looking at each other but Matt couldn't stand the silence for a moment longer and was the first to break. “I'm sorry.”

“Are you?” she asked him pointedly.

“Of course I am!” he said fiercely. “Anything I do that hurts you is always something I'll be sorry about!”

“Then what was last night about?” she asked quietly but harshly and he could see her trying to mask the hurt and confusion behind her eyes.

He shook his head. “Last night was me being an idiot. I've just been so desperate to start remembering again that I was willing to do anything, and I didn't even think about how it might upset you.”

“Well, it did upset me,” she said crossly. He ducked his head, unable to continue meeting her gaze as she spoke. “It hurt me. Do you realize how cheap it made me feel to know that the  _ only _ reason you initiated sex last night was to use me as some sort of... of... memory tool?”

“Oh, come on, Alex!” he exclaimed, half in horror, half in self-defense. “You  _ know _ that wasn't the only reason! Yes, maybe my mind was on things other than the actual sex, but you have to know I don't need an excuse to wanna sleep with you! How could I? I just thought that if I forced myself to focus on the sex and on you and everything in our lives together all at once, I could jumpstart my memory again. I know it was wrong. I shouldn't have used you like that. But you have to understand that the whole time I was focusing on  _ you _ , trying to remember for  _ you _ , to get our lives back to normal here. 

“I mean, Jesus – I wasn't fucking you thinking 'Yeah, if I just hit this spot just right, I'll remember everything and I can roll over and go to sleep!' I was making love to you and thinking that if I made it perfect for the both of us and focused on everything I love about you and this life of ours, that everything would come flooding back and I'd go back to being who I was before. That we could stop worrying about everything we've been worrying about and I could go back to just being your husband, and not just some headcase living in your house!”

“And that's the other issue!” she cried and this time he could actually see the tears beginning to well in her eyes as she tried to blink them back. “I don't really care about what you were thinking about last night, Matt. Yes, it hurt to feel that for the first time since we've been together, you weren't so enthusiastic because of me but because of what you thought you could get from it. But I know you love me, and I know you're being honest about your reasons, and I can get over that. In fact, I  _ am _ over it. I don't care, really, I don't. You're forgiven. That's not the big issue. The issue is that you are  _ obsessed _ with getting your memory back!”

“I am not!” he contested hotly but at Alex's pointed look and the arch of her eyebrow, he conceded. “Ok, maybe I am a bit. But is that really so bad? I just want the last few years of my life back. I want to know what I've missed, and not just from stories and pictures and clips. I want to remember everything, to feel like myself again, not like I've been robbed of part of my identity.”

Alex lowered her head and sighed. He could hear her exhale as if she had the weight of the world on her shoulders (which, he thought to himself, she did. Their little world rested completely in her hands in this moment) and was then surprised when she reached out a hand and laid it softly on top of his.

“Darling, I understand,” she said wearily. He perked up at her use of the pet name, despite the lack of the fondness it was usually said with. “Really. Do you think I don't want you to remember, too? That I think it's fair that this happened to you? That I don't hate that fact that the man I'm in love with, my husband, doesn't remember a single moment we've spent together as a couple, or that I haven't woken up every morning hoping that you've remembered everything just as quickly as your forgot in the first place?

“I want you to remember just as much as you do. Maybe more because, unlike you, I do remember everything, and I want to be able to share it all with you and I can't. But Matt, there comes a time where you just have to let nature take its course and stop trying so damned hard. I'm not saying you can't look at pictures or listen to stories anymore, but you have got to stop obsessing and beating yourself up over it. This drive of yours to remember is causing you to do stupid things, and with this interview and the baby coming closer everyday, we just can't afford it right now. You have to relax.”

“So, you still wanna go through with the adoption?” he asked quickly, hoping against hope that she'd changed her mind since last night.

“If, and  _ only _ if, I see that you've pulled yourself together,” she said sternly. He felt his face light up anyway, unable to contain his grin at the thought that he hadn't ruined everything after all. “No more grouching around the house, no more hours spent studying a single picture, no more of whatever last night was. I need you to be here, to be present. With everything going on, if you want this to go forward, I can't be worrying about you possibly driving yourself into the madhouse. Once we bring Jamie home, things are going to be extremely hectic. We're going to have a one year old and a teenager under one roof, and it is  _ not _ going to be easy.”

“I understand. I've got it! Really, I'll cool it, I swear!” he exclaimed happily, grinning from ear to ear as he jumped from his seat, grabbing her hand and dragging her up into his arms so he could hug her, burying his face in her curls. It may have only been a few hours, but he loved having her in his arms again. “Honestly, I'm here, and I swear my head's staying right where it is now,” he laughed as he looked down at her.

Her eyes sparkled for the first time that morning as she brought her arms up to wrap around his neck. “Good. That's exactly what I wanted to hear. We'll get through this, darling, I promise, you'll see. If you can just keep your head, everything will work out just fine.”

“I know,” he answered softly, resting his forehead against hers. “Really, I do know that... and, Alex? I  _ am _ sorry. For everything.”

“I know, darling,” she said with a smile that made his heart flutter. Feeling all the weight lifted from his shoulders, he lowered his head and captured her lips under his, kissing her softly and gently and trying to pour all of his emotions into it: apology and passion and gratitude and love and when he felt her pour exactly the same back on her end, he grinned even wider.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Over the next few days, they continued to ready the last of the necessary tasks to prepare for the social worker and Matt made a constant, conscious effort to keep everything that Alex had said in mind. He still found the time to watch the last of his  _ Who _ episodes and still made Alex recount stories from early in their relationship, and once or twice even pulled out the photo albums and flipped through them for a few minutes at a time. 

But he no longer spent hours upon hours wracking his brain for scraps of fuzzy recollections, and he no longer allowed himself to stomp bitterly around the house after waking each morning to find that nothing had worked. Instead, he cleaned and cooked and baby-proofed things he never even thought could be baby-proofed. In the evenings, he joked and watched films and crap telly with Salome, and later at night, he lay in bed with Alex, sleepy and sated after proving to her over and over again just how single-minded his focus could be.

As time passed and Friday drew nearer and nearer, Matt's nerves, which had previously been soothed by Alex's steadfast cool-headedness, started to rear their ugly heads again. Alex kept telling him that his amnesia wouldn't have an effect on the adoption process, that his case was insignificant in all respects they would care about, that they were driving into London on Saturday for his two-week check-in at the hospital and they'd get Doctor Thompson to fax over his medical records with his clean bill of mental and physical stability, and that he needed to stop worrying. He was sure she was right, his head told him that she was right, but that didn't stop the worry from settling back into his bones.

Even without his memory problems, there was still plenty to worry about. The social worker could just change her mind and decide this wasn't the right place to put an almost-toddler; that the celebrity status both he and Alex held wouldn't be beneficial or practical to raising such a small child. He knew he was being ridiculous and that he was doing much better at not letting it show and not letting it get to him, but that worry was still there.

She hadn't mentioned it (at least not that he could remember) but he knew from an interview he'd read ages (and ages more now) ago that Alex had tried to adopt with her second husband, and had been disappointed. He was pretty positive that she and Florian hadn't gotten nearly as far in the process as they had now, but he hated the thought of not only being disappointed himself but breaking her heart over another failed attempt.

On Thursday night, Matt laid in their bed, still sweaty and slightly out of breath and curled around Alex as he ran his fingers lazily up and down her sides. He was happy. He really was. If things didn't go well tomorrow, or if they fell apart further down the line, he knew they'd manage to pick up the pieces and go on being happy together with just the two of them and Salome. Yes, it would be difficult to just move on and forget, and it would definitely take some time, but he knew that like he knew he needed air.

That reassurance, however, didn't stop him from hoping desperately that they wouldn't need to. Things would be fantastic left as they were, but now that he'd gotten all of this hope and excitement stuck into his heart, after he'd seen Jamie's picture and spent this whole week preparing for his arrival, all he wanted was to add to this little family of theirs and be a dad to that little boy, no matter how terrifying the concept may be, and to give Alex the chance at the second child she'd always wanted. Things could go from fantastic to amazing, and while that underlying knot of fear still twisted in his gut, there was an undercurrent of excitement there as well.

“Are you nervous about tomorrow?” Alex's voice cut through his thoughts, her voice low and quiet, hesitant but curious at the same time. He could still feel her heart beating erratically through her ribs and knew she too hadn't completely recovered from their latest coupling.

“Nah, of course not! Why would I be?” he lied, feeling guilty for only half a second before he heard her snort derisively next to him. “Ok, maybe just a bit... or maybe I'm a bit bloody terrified. But who's keeping track, eh?” he laughed softly to himself and dug his chin into her shoulder so he could see the tiniest of amused smiles creeping its way onto her face. “How about you?”

“I'm surprisingly all right,” she said, surprise in her tone as if she'd only come to the realization right as she said it. “I expected to be more nervous by now, and maybe that'll come tomorrow, but honestly, I'm feeling pretty good about everything. Confident even, and I can't even really explain it. I just... feel good.”

“Yeah, me too. I mean, yeah, I'm nervous, but I'm excited too. I mean, after tomorrow we're just about all clear, yeah? We'll have him home in what? Probably a few days? A week? It's unbelievable!”

Alex rolled over, turning in his arms and pulling out of his embrace just enough to better look at him.

She was grinning and her eyes were just as bright as her smile. “I know! I feel like after two weeks of anticipating this, and so much longer of waiting and applying before that, it's finally starting to sink it's that it's really happening. And I'm nervous too – I don't think it's possible not to be in a situation like this – but I think I'm definitely more excited.”

“I was just thinking that, you know, things have been good – they've been great – and I know for me it's been less than two weeks, but I can't help but feel ready for things to get even better. The concept of being a dad is terrifying, but I want it. I want it for us. I'm gonna be nervous and probably sweating up a storm right up until that woman leaves tomorrow, but then... I don't know... I don't think I'll be able to control the excitement – you know, if all goes well, that is.”

Alex laughed, the sound like music, lovely and breathtaking to his ears. “Well, you're going to have to find a way – we'll have to start telling people at that point. Right now the only people who know, besides Salome, are Jen and Nic. I think both my parents and yours would appreciate it if they didn't have to peel you off the walls.”

“Hey, I'm not making any promises,” he said with a laugh, grinning and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

The next morning dawned bright and early, and Matt found himself not able to sleep long enough even for the sun to fully rise. He awoke with his face buried in Alex's riotous curls, as he'd come to find was extremely common over the last two weeks, and allowed himself a small smile as he took in the scent and feel of her next to him. His stomach was doing backflips and he had the vague desire to be sick, but all he had to do was think of the glorious woman beside him, and while those feelings didn't completely disappear, they certainly calmed considerably.

When Alex woke not long later, he went downstairs with her and this time actually joined her and Salome for breakfast. The girl had begged to be allowed to stay home, wanting to be present for their meeting, but Alex had put her foot down, insisting that nothing exiting at all would be going on and that it was far too early in the term to be missing school but they managed to have an enjoyable morning together before Salome trudged her way out the door.

Everything was done. It was all ready. Everything on their checklist had been completed, and now Matt and Alex had nothing to do but wait. It was now seven and the social worker wouldn't arrive until eleven, so by the time the doorbell rang, both of their nerves were starting to show.

As soon as they heard the chime of the bell, they both started and rushed for the door, stopping only to give the other a final once-over. Alex took a moment to flatten a bit of Matt's hair before turning to open the door, a bright, winning smile plastered over her face that Matt only hoped he was duplicating on his own.

The woman on the doorstep, who Matt knew from Alex was called Melinda Fairwell, was a short-statured middle-aged woman with dark hair and wide eyes. Her demeanor and attire were very professional, but she carried an aura of calmness and kindness about her, which immediately set Matt's mind at ease.

“Mrs. Fairwell, lovely to see you again! Thank you so much for coming out!” Alex greeted her happily, doing an excellent job of sounding confident and worry-free. “Please, come in.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Smith, thank you very much,” she said politely, flashing the both of them a smile as she walked inside, shaking both of their hands warmly. She turned around to look at the foyer around her. “It's good to see the both of you as well. And thank you for agreeing to do this earlier than anticipated. We really wanted to settle all of this and have Jamie placed as soon as possible, as I'm sure you can understand.”

“It wasn't a problem at all,” Matt said eagerly, finding his voice. “I mean, the sooner the better, yeah?”

“I'm glad to hear you say that,” she said happily, digging through her large purse and pulling out a thick, leather book that seemed to double as both a folder and a notebook, and starting to rifle through it slowly as she spoke. “Jamie is such a special boy, and given the fact that he's so young and hasn't been in the system very long at all, we really wanted to try and make his transition to a proper home and family that much faster.”

“We agree. We'd take him today if it were allowed,” Alex said. “There's no such thing as too fast with something like this. We've been dreadfully excited all week.”

“Excellent! How about we get started then? We've obviously done the initial inspection, so this is merely a formality – I'm mostly just here to make sure that you have all the necessary items and safety equipment set up, things of that nature. You have the checklist we sent along with you from our last meeting, yes?”

“Oh, yes!” Alex told her. “We've gone through it quite thoroughly. It was very helpful. Lots of things on there I wouldn't have thought of off the top of my head – quite a bit has changed since my daughter was born!”

“Yes, we get that all the time. And how is Salome doing? Adjusting well to the big move?”

“Yes, she's doing marvelously,” Alex happily, comfortable at least in discussing Salome. “She loves her school and is making friends. And she's been extremely excited over all this since we told her it was happening. She's been a great help. I think she's finally forgiven me for not giving her a younger sibling earlier in life.”

They all shared a laugh at that as they all moved in the the sitting room, where Mrs. Fairwell started going down her checklist and making notes in that notebook of hers. She seemed to be making an awful lot of notes, but Alex didn't seem to be bothered by that, so Matt assumed this was something normal. They moved from room to room, and even out into the yard, making polite conversation with the woman as she did her job, checking things like cabinet locks and for the screen in front of the fireplace. It was unnerving having someone come in and inspect nearly every inch of their home, and he imagined he'd be feeling pretty defensive right now if it weren't for the fact that she didn't seem to have any complaints at all.

They slowly made their way upstairs, and she walked through all the other rooms almost wordlessly before walking into what would be Jamie's room.

Matt and Alex stood almost shoulder-to-shoulder in the doorway, both holding their breath, knowing that this was the most important room of all. But after a few minutes of poking around, Mrs. Fairwell walked back out, seemingly pleased.

“You two have done an excellent job in here. Especially considering you had so little time to actually prepare for this, the room – and the rest of the house – look amazing.”

They both smiled and thanked her gratefully before offering her tea downstairs. Matt shifted to allow the woman to walk past them and down the stairs first before glancing worriedly at Alex. He was beyond elated that the actual inspection had gone well, but that hadn't been the part either he or Alex had been worried about. Granted, he was more worried than she was, even after spending much of the last few days trying desperately  _ not _ to be worried.

“We do have to tell her, right? I mean we can't just let her walk out of here, can we?” he asked her worriedly, voice low so as not to let the other woman hear from downstairs.

“Yes, we do,” Alex answered softly, eyes following the stairs down to the ground floor. “If she or anyone else from the agency finds out later some other way, it could really ruin things. The adoption doesn't become finalized for at least six months – anything could happen between now and then. If we tell her now, I'm telling you, it'll be fine. Just let me tell her. You can jump in after, but I've a feeling you'll be too nervous and start stuttering and flailing around, which will just make you look like a mental patient.”

“Hey, I resent that!” he said, unable to control the small smile breaking out on his face. He reached down and grabbed her face between his hands and kissed her softly. “For luck, yeah?”

She tilted her face back towards him and kissed him again, lingering only a moment longer than he had and smiling against him. “For luck.”

Once they got downstairs, Alex set the kettle up to boil while Matt went into the sitting room to join Mrs. Fairwell. He did his best to engage her in small talk, to keep the both of them distracted until Alex came back with the tea and got the ball rolling. He liked the woman, and she'd been nothing but polite and cheerful since she walked in the door. But there was still the fact that this woman held power over whether or not they got to adopt Jamie, and her reaction to the news of Matt's memory loss was the only thing still standing in their way, and that made Matt afraid.

When Alex finally made it back into the room, tray in hand, it was quicker than a normal person probably would have expected her back, but Matt was starting to feel fidgety and impatient, eager to just get this part over with. Alex sat next to him on the sofa, with Mrs. Fairwell across from them on a chair, and all was quiet for a minute as they all prepared their own tea and got settled in. Once the other woman had taken her first sip, however, Alex broke the silence.

“So, Mrs. Fairwell, Matt and I did still have something we wanted to discuss with you.”

“Oh?” the woman asked, surprised as she placed her cup back down on the coffee table. “What is it? Because I know I didn't exactly say, but I saw everything I needed and was very happy with what I've found here today, not that I was expecting anything different. As I said earlier, this final visit was more of a formality -”

“No, no, it's not that,” Alex cut her off quickly, and apology on her face. “It's just that we have a bit of a situation going on that we feel you need to know about before you go ahead and make any final decisions.”

“Is everything all right?” the woman asked, concern etching her features as she glanced between the two of them.

“Yes, everything is fine, honestly, it's just that Matt here was in a bit of an... accident recently.”

“What sort of accident?” she asked them, looking Matt over closely as he struggled not to shrink back from her gaze. “I hope you don't mind my saying, Mr. Smith, but you seem perfectly fine to me.”

“I am fine. Feel great, actually,” Matt told her earnestly, trying to force out a smile through his anxiousness.

“Then, what -?”

“It's just that he hit his head, and he's now having a bit of trouble with parts of his memory.” Alex told her, speaking faster than she had previously, obviously just as eager as Matt to get everything out on the table.

Surprise slid onto Mrs. Fairwell's face. “Memory problems? What sort of memory problems are you having? Is it extensive?”

Matt cleared his throat and forced himself to speak, trying to ignore the churning of his stomach or the way he could feel Alex's hand gripping his tightly. “The last few years are pretty much just a blank. My doctor says it's temporary and it'll all come back soon, and I did have a tiny bit of insight a few days ago, but for now, I couldn't really tell you a thing about those years that comes from my own memory.”

“Well, I must say, this is certainly a first,” Mrs. Fairwell said slowly, obviously still processing what they'd told her. “I can't say that I've ever encountered an adoptive parent suffering from some form of amnesia before. How much time exactly is missing from your memory, Mr. Smith?”

“Er - well, I seem to have lost everything from right around the time Alex and I first got together and onwards,” Matt said with a slight wince, knowing how bad that sounded.

“So you don't remember your wife at all?” the woman asked, a sorrowful look between the two of them, and Matt was grateful to see real concern in her eyes, not just the practiced sympathy he was sure everyone in her line of work had.

“No, I remember her. I mean, I knew her for a while before we got together and I - I loved her very much even then, but I don't remember actually being with her, no. These last couple of weeks have been very eye-opening, but I've honestly loved every moment. And I know that this is unusual and it might put a damper on our adoption plans, but this is still something that I want. Desperately. We both do.”

She was quiet for a minute, obviously trying to wrap her head around the situation as Matt and Alex could only look on helplessly. Finally, she raised her gaze back up to theirs. “Would you be able to get your doctor to send us your updated medical records, clearing you as physically and mentally competant?”

Alex spoke up, her hand squeezing his twice in rapid succession, hope springing to her face. “We have an appointment at the hospital to get him checked out again tomorrow, so yes, absolutely.”

Matt looked over to her, hoping but trying not to get too excited. It sounded to him like Alex had been right, like maybe everything really would be fine, like none of this would have an impact on the adoption. He looked at Mrs. Fairwell, who was scribbling furiously into her notebook and concentrating deeply.

“Okay, then. As I said, this is definitely the first time I've dealt with anything like this before, but if you can get your doctor to fax your records over and give us a call once you've finished tomorrow, I should be able to get this approved easily enough. Especially if, as you say, this is something temporary. It really would be a shame to have to find another family for Jamie when we'd already found the perfect one, but since you're still on board, everything should be fine. As long as everything checks out medically, we should be able to progress just as quickly as before.

“Seriously?” Matt exclaimed happily, hardly believing his ears. He looked over at Alex next to him and saw tears pooling in her eyes as she looked on in disbelief, relief that she'd been right all along shining through her eyes before focusing once more on the social worker.

“Seriously,” she responded. “You know, I've gotten to know the two of you quite well over this process, and I didn't notice a thing off in your personality, Mr. Smith. You seem just as dedicated to your wife and this adoption as before, and I wouldn't want to ruin the chances of the two of you and this little boy finding happiness over an issue such as this.”

Matt whooped excitedly, jumping to his feet and pulling Alex up with him, wrapping her in his arms tightly. They stood embracing for several seconds, basking in the moment before pulling apart, both wiping at their eyes as they turned to face Mrs. Fairwell once more.

“Thank you,” Alex said shakily, still trying to get her bearings. “Really, you have no idea how grateful we are. Or how worried we've been - him especially. You're not making a mistake, he really is the same and he really does want this just as much as he did before.”

“I don't doubt it,” Mrs. Fairwell said kindly, offering her hand to shake the both of theirs again. “Just get those records to us tomorrow and give the doctor my card, and we'll get this all sorted out, all right?” She passed her business card over to Alex, who took hold of it gratefully and slipped it into her pocket.

“So, er -” Matt started but had to stop to clear his throat and swallow thickly. “So how long exactly do you think this is gonna take? I mean how long until we can... you know, bring him home?”

“Well, assuming all goes well getting the all-clear from your doctor that you are capable of caring for a young child, I'll give you a call tomorrow to let you know everything's been finalized, and then not long at all. Definitely sometime this week, probably just a few days. I'll have to get in touch with the foster home, make sure he's all packed up, and we'll all pick a convenient day. I'll pick him up and drive him out here – we like to hand them off and make sure they're settled into the new home properly before leaving them, and then he's all yours. And then, assuming no issues pop up, the final adoption papers will be signed in about six months, making everything all final and legal.”

After another minute of questions, Mrs. Fairwell shook their hands one final time before they walked her to the door, words of thanks spilling from their lips as they bade her farewell.

As soon as the door was shut behind her, Alex threw her arms around his neck, burying her face in his shoulders silently. It only took a moment for him to feel the tears seeping through his shirt however, and he buried his face in her curls, trying to hold back his own as he slung one arm around her waist and brought the other one up to cup the back of her head. “We did it!” he laughed shakily. “Can you believe it?”

She sniffled. “No, I really can't,” she said, just as shakily. She pulled back and her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, but her face looked like pure and unadulterated magic in this moment, alive and alight and shining with happiness and he didn't think it was possible for her to look more glorious than she did in this moment. 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here you go - the last full chapter. Just have the epilogue to go, which I'm hoping to have up sometime later this weekend. I'll save the gushing thanks for when that goes up, but basically you're all amazing and the only reason this story even came close to being completed was because of the amazing support I received from you all since day one. I only hope you guys are all pleased by the almost-ending here! And Happy Valentine's Day!

Over the next day, Matt rode a high that he hoped would never end. Everything mixed together into one giant blur – Salome's enthusiastic squeal of excitement after they told her the good news, his check up at the hospital back in London and Doctor's Thompson's more than willing signing off on Matt's condition after another long morning of tests had confirmed his condition was completely stable, and then the call back from Mrs. Fairwell a few short hours later, confirming that everything had been approved and settled.

The moment that Alex hung up with the woman after receiving the news, Matt swooped her up into his arms and twirled her around the room. It would have been an extremely sweet and romantic gesture if he hadn't stumbled into an end table and sent them both crashing to the ground.

Groaning but grinning, Alex collapsed on top of him and all he could do was smile widely into the golden curls tickling his nose. Gathering his breath only marginally, Matt managed to gasp out his question.

“So, when?”

Still slightly breathless herself, she managed to pull back only far enough to see his face. “Tuesday.”

“Tuesday?” he gaped at her, surprised.

She bit her lip happily, unable to stop the smile blooming across her face as she nodded.

“Blimey, that's – that's three days!” he said, his grin turning into what he was sure was the sappiest of smiles as his hands looped up to grab hold of her hips.

“I know.” She brought her hands to rest on the floor at either side of his head, supporting her torso as she hovered over him, face alight and eyes bright.

“So in three days, we're gonna be parents? We're gonna have a baby running around the house?”

“Well, probably not running, darling, unless he's progressed very quickly over the last couple of weeks,” she laughed. “When we met him, he'd barely taken his first steps.”

“But he'll be here?” Matt asked, feeling lighter than air. “He'll be here, and he'll be ours?”

“Oh yes.”

Tugging her hips closer to his, he asked her, “What the hell did I ever do to deserve all of this? You and Salome, and now Jamie – all of this? 'Cuz I've got no bloody idea.”

Alex shifted her weight above him, her body moving against his in particularly delicious ways, and leaned down to kiss him, brushing her lips over his once, maddeningly slowly, letting it linger but not deepening it, only flicking out her tongue to taste his lips right before pulling away to grin at him. “Well, if you must know, the sex that first night all those years ago was rather fantastic.”

Heat starting to pool in his stomach, he rolled them over so that he was hovering over her, moving his hips to grind ever-so-slightly against hers. “ _ Just _ that first night?” he growled before lowering his head to claim her mouth once more, loving the feeling of her beneath him as they celebrated the good news.

They stayed like that, on the floor and snogging like a couple of hormone-crazed teenagers for several long, glorious minutes. They only broke apart once they heard the slam of a door upstairs, reminding them of the fact that they were not alone in the house and certainly weren't in the privacy of their bedroom. When they heard footsteps start to descend down the stairs, they reluctantly sprung apart and stood up, hastily arranging themselves on the sofa. Each of them started running their hands through their hair, straightening their clothes, and in Matt's case, strategically placing a throw pillow across his lap, just in time to see Salome enter the room with a curious and slightly knowing expression at their guilty and flushed faces.

That curiosity of course quickly gave way to squeals of excitement so high-pitched that they could come only from the mouth of a teenaged girl. When they'd told her the good news the day before, she'd been excited beyond belief, but now, with the final confirmation and a specific date to look forward to, Matt was fairly sure she was close to exploding. And he didn't particularly feel up to picking bits of Salome off the walls. He couldn't help thinking it would probably put a damper on all the happiness.

“But it's so awesome! And exciting!” she shrieked in response to their attempts to calm her down as she threw her arms around both Matt and Alex at once, knocking both of their heads together in the process.

“Yes,  _ Mausi _ , we know,” Alex laughed at her daughter's exuberance, “Trust me, we're more than excited too, but really, you can't forget to breathe! And try to tone down the noise.”

“Yeah,  p oppet, we've gotta keep our eardrums intact for when Jamie starts screaming  _ his _ head off in a few days,” Matt joined in, teasing her.

“Oh, you two are no fun!” Salome sighed dramatically. “I'm gonna go upstairs and call Dad – I can tell him about this, right?”

“Of course, if you like, just keep it quiet from your friends a bit longer, at least the ones here – we're trying to keep this out of the media a bit longer, and you don't know these kids very well yet. We're a lot more well-known here.”

“Got it,” Salome grinned and kissed her mother on the cheek once more before racing from the room.

“And tell your father I'll call him later to talk!” Alex called after her daughter. Unsure whether or not her words had been heard or not, she slumped back into Matt's chest, sinking into him even more as his arms wrapped tightly around her front.

“What do you have to call Florian for?” Matt asked, then cringing at the thought that she may misinterpret his question as jealousy or bitterness, tried to clarify, “I mean, not that I, you know, mind or anything – I mean he's Salome's dad, obviously you need to talk on occasion, I just mean why now, specifically?”

Giggling at his flustered ramblings, something which he was grateful to say he'd been giving her the opportunity to do less and less over the last two weeks, she answered, “Well, I've a feeling we may need to make some modifications to Salome's travel plans – we weren't exactly planning on having an adoption already in place by the holidays this year, and I'll just have to work things out with him about that. Plus, I'd like to thank him again.”

“For what?”

“I don't know if you know or not – I mean you used to, but I don't think it ever came up  _ before _ \- but Flo and I tried to adopt a couple times ourselves, eons ago. Obviously it didn't work out. So, when the time came for us to work on our application and get people to write references for us, I figured it would be awkward, not least of all because he was my ex-husband, and didn't even think about asking him, but Salome had told him what was going on and he just offered. A lot of people wrote references for us – both of our parents and sisters, Jenn, Steven, Karen, Arthur, others too – people who know the two of us best – but having an ex-husband write a reference for me and my new husband certainly didn't do us any harm at all.”

Matt chuckled. “No, I imagine not. Don't gather that's something they see very often.”

She grinned. “No, definitely not. Although, speaking of people and telling them... if this is happening in three days, we should probably start telling our families. I mean, Nicola and Henry know just because they've been here and I had to tell  _ someone _ , but our parents at the very least should know before it actually happens... think we should try to gather everyone together?”

Matt considered her words. His parents had been calling to check in on him every couple of days, and he'd talked to them and assured them he was fine, adjusting well, and happy despite not remembering a thing about the previous few years. According to Alex, they obviously knew about their hopes of adoption, as she'd just said they'd written a reference for them, but they had no idea about all the planning they'd done since coming home from London or that there was any sort of plan in place at all. As Alex had said, no one but her sister did. They'd decided it was better to keep it quiet until they knew for sure, so as not to get any hopes up other than their own if things fell through. But now it was confirmed. Tuesday.

“Yeah, I think that's a great idea. I mean, they should probably know they're gonna be grandparents before it actually happens, yeah? Tomorrow's Sunday – we can call them up and see if they wanna come 'round for dinner. Your family's just a few minutes away, really, and my parents are only about an hour, and unless something's changed in the last few years, they don't usually have plans on Sundays.”

So it was settled. Alex invited her parents and sister and Matt called up his parents and Laura, who were all ecstatic to hear from him since they'd only spoken to him when  _ they'd _ called over since his accident. They managed to get everyone to agree to come over the following day so that they could tell the whole family together. Everyone else could be called afterwards – other relatives and friends (two certain Scottish friends, for instance who would make life very difficult if they found out about the big news after the fact through the media) could be called and told on Monday.

The next day, while they were waiting for everyone to arrive, Matt kept running his hands through his hair anxiously. It wasn't that he was nervous per se - both of their families had apparently been more than supportive thus far. They'd be thrilled with the news, he was sure. No, it wasn't telling them about the imminent adoption plans that niggled at his brain. It was just the idea of being around their families and Alex at all.

He'd only been around Alex's family briefly, and when his parents had visited in the hospital, he'd still been processing, never mind the fact that Alex had very much been handling him with kid gloves in the wake of his memory loss. But now he felt properly married. He didn't remember the dating or the wedding and he still wished he did – more than nearly anything – but the last two weeks with Alex had felt more right and more real than anything he'd ever experienced before. She was his wife. He was her husband. His brain didn't stumble over those thoughts anymore as they had in the beginning, no longer afraid of the connotations.

But the prospect of  _ acting _ like a married man in front of their families, of telling them about his impending fatherhood, made him inexplicably nervous, even when he knew it shouldn't. It wasn't like he'd be groping her in front of them or anything (although the blouse she was wearing tonight was simply sinful in the way it hugged her curves and the idea was certainly tempting) but for some reason, it just felt wholly grown-up in a way this whole ordeal hadn't quite reached yet. It wasn't bad, certainly in light of what he was taking on it was quite good, but still a very strange sensation.

When their families finally arrived, Matt swallowed his nerves and greeted everyone enthusiastically. Nicola arrived first with her husband, David, and their kids, who were all somewhere around Salome's age, then Alex's parents and sister Susie, followed shortly by his parents, and then Laura and her boyfriend, James (or rather, fiancé, as she'd filled him in during one of her phone calls). He'd hugged and shaken hands and given kisses on the cheek, and even allowed his mother to push him into a seat and examine his head once more, as if she had any idea what she was looking for.

It may be a tad bit awkward on his end, and slightly overwhelming to have so many people around when he'd mostly spent the last two weeks sequestered in either the flat or the house with just Alex and Salome for company, but it was definitely nice to have both sets of family around. Not that they acted like two sets of family – he'd noticed rather quickly that his mum and Alex's mum seemed particularly familiar, and that his mother spent almost as much time talking to Margarethe as she did him.

Once everyone sat down to eat at the dining room table, talk turned more insistently towards Matt and how he was adjusting. He tried to reassure everyone that he was doing well, and regaled them with the stories of the obsessive but still family-friendly ways he'd gone about trying to jog his memory, ending with his current acceptance that his memory would simply come back when it wanted to.

“But I'm still trying to go back and watch all my past roles and all, because you never know what'll do it. I've just finished watching my last episode of Who, but I still wanna go back and watch all those Confidential episodes because all that footage is actually me, you know? Not just the character. Just haven't have the time yet, let alone enough to watch any of the films I've done in the last few years.”

“Not had the time?” Laura asked, laughing, from the opposite end of the table, eyes sparkling mischievously as she took a sip of her wine. “You're on holiday – you've had nothing but time! Now I know you've probably enjoyed getting all  _ reacquainted _ since you got home, but really, there are rooms to explore in this house other than your bedroom!”

“Laura!” Matt squeaked, cheeks reddening embarrassingly as he scolded her. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Salome with a look of disgust on her face but everyone else seemed to have taken his sister's joke in stride. “What – no! That's not – I mean - no! Just, no!!”

“Actually, there's been quite a bit going on around here lately,” Alex said brightly, settling a hand soothingly on his arm to calm him.

“Really,  _ Liebling _ , like what?” her mother asked curiously but still obviously taking the cue to change the topic of conversation.

Matt steeled himself and glanced at Alex before looking around the table. Salome's look of distaste had gone and she was now obviously attempting to hide a smile, and Nicola and her husband were doing rather decent jobs of pretending to have no idea what was coming, but everyone else held mild looks of curiosity. “Well, we've kept it quiet – what with everything going on, and just in case it didn't work out, but...well… the adoption agency has found a match for us!”

It was silent for a few moments, and Matt reached for Alex's hand, which was now resting on the tabletop, and squeezed tightly.

His mother managed to say something first. “What?” she asked, her voice breathless as she looked disbelievingly at the pair of them.

“Yeah,” he said, no longer able to fight the grin from breaking out across his face. “His name's Jamie and he's nearly a year old. That's what we've been doing all week – getting his room and the rest of the house ready.”

Matt's father frowned, eyebrows narrowing together as he thought. “Are you two sure about this?,” he asked carefully. “I mean, not that it's not fantastic – we've all been hoping this would work out – but is this the right time?”

“Of course it is!” Matt said vehemently. “Why on Earth not?”

“I think what your father means,” Alex's dad jumped in, a guilty tone to his voice, “is that's it's barely been two weeks since your accident and you haven't even recovered yet. Not that we want you to jeopardize anything here, but don't you want to wait a bit longer and give yourselves more time to adjust?”

“No, we don't,” Matt said maybe a bit more coldly than he'd meant. He knew they were just concerned, that they didn't mean to be unsupportive, but their words were hitting on all the insecurities he had been feeling about this ever since Alex told him about it. He looked to Alex and she didn't look surprised that concerns were being spoken, but she had that look on her face that he'd know anywhere: she was upset and trying to hide it.

“Do you guys really think we'd have been working our arses off for the last week and a half getting everything ready if we weren't sure? The last two weeks have been mad and insane and surreal, but they've been the best two weeks of my life. I love Alex, and I love Salome, and we only got to meet him the day before my memory loss so I can't remember him, but I love Jamie already too. It's all settled. We bring him home on Tuesday,” he finished, trying not to sound harsh but making sure his position on the matter was understood.

He looked around the table, taking in the silent faces of those around them. Alex squeezed his hand back encouragingly, and he could see the beginning of a tear forming in her eye. Salome was smiling triumphantly. Nicola and David were nodding along appreciatively, and Laura was beaming back at him.

“That's great, guys, really! Congratulations!” his sister said happily, smiling at him and Alex excitedly.

“Thanks, Lor,” Matt grinned, happy a bit of the silent tension had been relieved. Then, when he wasn't expecting it, he heard his mother's voice.

“We're going to be grandparents,” she whispered to her husband, gripping his arm tightly. She was grinning and he quickly followed suit. “Did you hear that, Margarethe? We're going to have a grandson in a couple of days!”

The positivity had somehow seeped into everyone, and both of their mother's left their grinning husbands to rush to their children's sides, throwing their arms around their necks. Matt's mother threw herself at him, tears streaming down her face as Alex's mum did the same to her. Shortly, they broke apart from them only to switch places, and before Matt knew it, his mother-in-law was smothering him and pressing kisses to his cheeks while the rest of the table erupted into joyous talk that Matt couldn't understand a word of, but which took all the weight immediately off his shoulders.

Once they'd finally managed to calm everyone back down, Alex took over answering most of the rest of the questions from their family. She sounded happy and carefree, and Matt was just glad she no longer looked upset. After dinner was over, they showed everyone Jamie's room upstairs, and Matt for one, took quite a bit of pride in the gasps of surprise when they saw the meticulously decorated room.

By the end of the evening, Matt was tired but still unable to wipe the grin from his face or let go of Alex's hand, which had practically been glued to his since dinner. Once everyone started saying their goodbyes, with more hugs than he thought he'd ever gotten in his life, he and Alex ended up promising that their families come come back later in the week to meet their newest family member.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

The following twenty-four hours sped by in the blink of an eye. Matt couldn't remember a thing that he did during the course of them. But it was now Monday night, late enough for Salome to be in bed already, and he knew Alex was in the shower. He found himself standing outside the door to Jamie's room, hand poised over the doorknob. Slowly, he turned it and let himself inside. It certainly wasn't a new sight – he and Alex had spent hours and hours in here making sure every detail was just right – and it brought him a certain sense of calm.

He wasn't scared - well, he was, but it was more of a nervous, anxious feeling, an anticipation growing stronger and stronger in his gut - but he was pretty sure that was normal under the circumstances. It was just that this was the last night before the baby got here, and his head had been racing all day, making him light-headed and distracted while he tried to do anything. Alex kept asking if he was all right, and he hoped he'd finally convinced her that he was, because there was nothing wrong. If anything, it was almost scary just how good everything was going.

He lowered himself into the plush gliding chair they'd put in the room, sinking into it and making himself comfortable as he lost himself in his thoughts.

In twelve hours time, the social worker would be pulling up in front of the house with his son in the backseat. His son. His and Alex's son. Twelve hours from now, he would officially be a dad. Maybe not officially, since the formal papers wouldn't be signed for another six months, but officially enough. He'd only been a husband for two and a half weeks, and now he was going to have a son. In some respects, it was still so unbelievable, but he only had to take a look at the room around him to remind himself of reality.

Absolutely everything he'd known before had changed since he'd woken up, confused and pained, next to Alex in his flat. He had an amazing, gorgeous wife whom he had loved almost since the moment they met, a stepdaughter who adored him, a group of in-laws who embraced him with open arms, a successful career even outside the role of the Doctor, a nice, quiet house in the suburbs, and now, as of tomorrow, a baby that was his and Alex's, a little boy who would come to rely on them for everything. While that thought terrified him just as much as it had when he'd first learned of it, he was excited and proud and almost giddy when he thought about what the future held.

“What are you doing in here?” Alex's voice, soft and dripping with fondness, interrupted his thoughts, startling him into looking up at her standing there in the doorway. She was leaning up against the doorframe, arms crossed peacefully across her chest, wrapped in her dressing gown, hair damp and glowing in the soft moonlight filtering through the curtains.

“Eh, just thinking,” he said softly, smiling up at her and trying to imagine, not for the first time, the two of them together in this room putting Jamie to sleep, reading to him or even singing. Matt had always considered himself a rather rubbish singer, but apparently he'd done a musical a couple of years back, and he knew that Alex had a beautiful voice based on more than one drunken round of karaoke with Karen and Arthur during filming. Yeah, he could see it.

“Happy thoughts?” she asked him with a smile on her lips as she watched him obviously lost in thought.

“The best,” he said gently, shaking his head from the clouds to clear his mind. “Just looking forward to tomorrow, you know?”

“I know,” she said, her voice low and quiet, melodic even with just those two syllables. She shook her head gently, almost as if in disbelief, and Matt marveled at how, even wet and much less wild, her golden curls still bounced and bobbed with the slightest movement of her head. “After everything that's happened, it's hard to believe it's actually happening, but I'm so glad it is. I  _ am _ sorry that you still can't remember yet – I know you really wanted to before tomorrow.”

“Hey, it's all right, really,” he told her, rising from the chair and making his way over to her, wrapping her in his arms. “Yeah, I wanted to remember before we got Jamie to ourselves, and I do still want to – I think that goes without saying – but I think I wanted to remember before tomorrow so badly because I thought if I didn't – if I didn't remember our history together or how we got to this point, it wouldn't feel real.

“And it doesn't feel real. I mean, you just said, it's hard to believe it's actually happening, but it still feels  _ real _ , if that makes any sense. But I think I was scared that if I didn't remember, I'd feel like I was intruding on someone else's life, just standing in the old me's place and taking part in something I had no business taking part in while he missed out. But it doesn't feel like that. It feels like it's happening to me now and I just... I dunno. It feels good. Exciting.”

Alex smiled into his shoulder, her lips imprinting against his shirt. “I told you from the beginning it would be fine. That your memories didn't make you into the man I married. It was you being you that made the memories and we'll get them back eventually. In the meantime, we'll just have to make even more.”

Matt stared at her in wonder. “God, Alex, do you even know how perfect you are? I'd ask you to marry me, but apparently we've gone ahead and done that already,” he joked as he tightened his hold on her.

With a small snort of laughter, Alex reluctantly pulled free of his arms. “Very funny. Now come on, we've got a big day tomorrow. Let's go to bed. Enjoy our last baby-free night doing more adult-oriented things.”

Matt grinned wolfishly at her. “Yeah? How do you propose we do that? We gonna have a drinking competition? Do our taxes? Watch the news?”

“If that's how you'd like to spend the evening, so be it,” she said coyly, leading him by the arm from the nursery and back towards their room. “I personally had something in mind that involved a little less clothing, but so be it.”

“We can watch the news naked,” he laughed joyously as he let himself be dragged into the room and shut the door behind them.

His shirt reached the ground almost immediately but neither one of them made any further mentions of the television.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

The next morning, Matt and Alex rose early, unable to stay asleep long, and went to see Salome off to school. The girl pouted all through breakfast, angry that Alex wasn't letting her stay home to greet her new brother upon his arrival. But she put her disappointment aside to hug her mother, whispering a “Good luck!” into her ear, before turning to Matt and hugging him as well and walking out the door.

After settling themselves side-by-side on the sofa, Matt quietly asked Alex, “So, you ready for this?”

“Oh, not even a little bit,” she laughed darkly, leaning her head on his shoulder, breathing deeply into his neck. “You?”

“Never been more scared in me life,” he grinned. “But that's good isn't it? It feels... normal at least, yeah?

“Oh, it's perfectly normal,” she replied happily. “I'd be worried about all of this if we weren't both completely terrified. It would mean that we were mad or not taking this seriously, but since we're both properly frightened, I think we'll be just fine.”

“We'll be more than fine, Kingston. We're gonna be amazing, you watch us.”

They spent the next few hours in relative silence, enjoying the last of the quiet and peacefulness before their lives were irrevocably shaken and changed forever. Just a few minutes after ten, Matt heard the unmistakable sound of a car pulling into their driveway and felt his breath catch in his lungs as Alex froze beside him.

“This is it,” she whispered to him.

“Yeah,” he replied, feeling his stomach twist and turn into knots inside him. Alex moved to stand in anticipation of the coming ringing of the doorbell. But Matt grabbed hold of her arm, stopping her. “Alex, wait! What - what if this isn't right? What if he hates me? Or ends up hating me? What if he ends up hating  _ football _ ?” He shuddered at the thought.

Alex rolled her eyes and pulled him to his feet. “He's not going to hate you. He took to the both of us quite well after a while when we met him. You'll do fine and he'll love you. Trust me, if I can do this, especially at my age, you sure as hell can. And if he ends up hating football, you'll love him just the same, and you know it.”

“Okay, true,” Matt relented, letting her lead him to the door. “But what was that about your age? You're a goddess and everyone knows goddesses don't age. I swear you're younger now than you were when I met you, so none of that “at my age” nonsense, yeah?”

The bell rang, and the sound reverberated in Matt's ears, freezing him where he stood momentarily.

Alex's eyes met his. “Ready to meet our son?”

Quickly, Matt swallowed his fear and allowed a smile to grow on his face. “You bet.”

They walked the last few steps and Matt reached out, pulling the door open.

There on the front step stood Mrs. Fairwell, dressed much the same as she'd been the other day and sporting a big smile. But Matt's eyes were drawn immediately to the small boy in her arms.

There he was. Jamie was clutching at the social worker, face half-buried in her neck as he peeked out at them through one half-shut eye. He looked just like in the picture he'd pulled from Alex's bag – dark hair, which looked at bit shorter and neater than it had been before. He was tiny, and although Matt couldn't see his face terribly well at the moment, he knew his smile would win him over the moment it decided to come out of hiding.

He looked over at Alex, lost for words, and saw her drinking in the sight in front of them just as greedily as he'd been, her eyes misting over already, which only made his own throat start to close up.

Cottoning on to their loss for words, Mrs. Fairwell greeted them first. “Good morning! Matt, Alex, this is Jamie! Jamie, do you remember Matt and Alex? They're your new mummy and daddy! Can you wave “hello?”

Jamie buried his face even deeper into Mrs. Fairwell's neck, hiding his face completely, but stuck out his arm, curling and uncurling his fingers in greeting.

Alex had her fingers covering her mouth to mask her emotions but quickly regained the ability to think and speak and move, which were all things Matt was still working on. “Hello! Oh my God, please come in! I'm sorry, forgive us, we're just in a bit of awe right now.” She dragged Matt backwards by the arm to let them pass into the house and he only barely managed not to stumble into the wall.

“Oh, it's not a problem,” Mrs. Fairwell said with a laugh, stepping into the house and letting Alex lead her into the sitting room. Still lost word words, Matt followed mutely behind them. “As you can tell, and I'm sure you remember, Alex, Jamie's a little shy, but he'll open up quite soon. Why don't you two take a seat and I'll hand him over, let you hold him?”

Eagerly, Alex sat on the sofa and numbly, Matt sat beside her, still unable to take his eyes off the little boy in front of them. Once they were seated comfortably, Matt pressed up against Alex with his arm around her shoulders and her hand squeezing his knee, Mrs. Fairwell approached and carefully lowered Jamie from her hip and onto Alex's knee.

Immediately, Alex wrapped her arms around him, and Matt saw the first tear fall down her cheek as she made a concentrated effort not to hold Jamie too tight for fear of scaring him. As soon as he was within range, however, Jamie's hand shot out to catch a bit of Alex's hair falling over her shoulder. Miraculously, he didn't tug violently, like Matt expected him to, but gently. He seemed to be testing the bounciness of her curls and was obviously entranced by them.

Alex let out a watery laugh. “He did that last time too. Guess I'm gonna have to get used to it, won't I?”

Breaking slightly from his stupor, Matt leaned over and pressed a kiss to her temple, letting out a chuckle just as watery as hers. “Can't say I blame him, Kingston. I do the same thing every night. That hair is magic!”

Then gingerly, he steeled his courage and brought his hand up to cup the back of Jamie's head, stroking it gently. “Hey Jamie. We'll... uh... we'll make sure you're real happy here, I promise, bud.”

Matt didn't know what did it – it might have been the touch of his hand against the boy's head or his soothing words, Alex's arms around him or the feel of her hair bouncing gently between his tiny fingers, but Jamie finally smiled, just as bright as he did in that picture, letting out a loud, bright, and affectionate laugh that simply melted Matt's heart into a gigantic puddle.

From there it continued to go well. They stayed there for a while longer, letting Jamie get used to them as they sat mesmerized by him. Eventually they stood, and accompanied by Mrs. Fairwell, walked slowly through the house while they carried him, taking turns between he and Alex as to who got to hold him.

The first time Matt took the little boy into his arms, he was honestly surprised by how natural it felt. He'd held small children before, and maybe he was just imagining it, but none had seemed to fit so perfectly in his arms or felt so right. When Jamie eventually lowered his head to rest on Matt's chest as they walked down the hallway, gazing with his little face turned towards the walls and doors, Matt's heart melted just that little bit more.

Mrs. Fairwell stayed for a couple of hours, mostly standing back and observing as they all got used to each other, even amusing herself as she watched the two of them set him up around lunch time in his high chair to eat for the first time, but eventually went out to her car to retrieve the bag full of Jamie's possessions and the folder containing all of his official paperwork. She handed them over and started to make her goodbyes.

“What a lucky little boy you are, Jamie! Now you be good, okay?” she said happily.

Something in her words struck a chord in Matt's mind. They echoed repeatedly in his head and he almost felt the absurd need to correct her somehow as she addressed them, no doubt saying goodbyes to the two of them that Matt didn't pay a bit of attention to. Somehow he managed to shake the strange feeling away and say goodbye, thanking her for all her help.

Once she was gone, they took him back up to his room and sat with Jamie on the floor, showing him some of the toys they had waiting for him, both of them reveling in the bright smiles forming on his face as he played with each one. Eventually, however, Jamie's energy level started to drop and somehow they managed to get him down to take a nap in his new cot.

As the two of them stood over him, staring down at his peacefully sleeping face and holding onto each other, Matt's mind started to wander again. Everything about this moment just seemed... perfect and something about that was niggling at his brain, making it whirl a mile a minute.

“We're very lucky,” Alex's voice interrupted his thoughts.

There it was again, the niggling, the thought fighting its way to the surface as Matt tried to quiet it and listen to Alex. “What was that?”

“I said, we're very lucky. I mean, look at him right there. He's amazing, isn't he?” she said, keeping her voice quiet both in awe and an effort not to wake the sleeping baby in front of them.

“Yeah,” Matt said, trying to gather his thoughts, “I mean Mrs. Fairwell said before she left – she told him he was a lucky little boy, but really it's us, isn't it? We're the lucky ones. Me especially. Forget Jamie - what a lucky boy  _ I _ am.”

_'What a lucky boy I am.'_

Matt gasped quietly, dropping his head and unconsciously clutching Alex's waist tighter.

“Matt? What is it? What's wrong?”Alex voice, sounding concerned, echoed as if from a distance but he couldn't respond, his mind roaring to life as words and sights and sounds flitted through his brain and he almost struggled to breathe as he took it all in.

_ 'Ooh, I could just kiss you all night!' _

_'And I you, Ms. Kingston! What a lucky boy I am!'_

Dimly, he felt Alex move him quickly to the chair in the corner, no doubt sensing that his knees were about to give out. “Matt, darling, what is it? Talk to me,” she whispered urgently, kneeling in front of him.

Matt groaned and clutched at his head, not in pain exactly, but just an overwhelming, all-consuming feeling of  _ too much _ , of everything and nothing all at once to the point he was positive his brain would explode from the sheer amount of feeling and sensation and  _ memory _ blazing through his head like fire.

“What a lucky boy I am,” he managed to gasp out, clutching her hand like a lifeline, the only anchor his mind had to the shore of light in this moment.

“What? Matt, what does that mean?” she cried out, almost to the point of not caring if her voice woke the sleeping baby as the fear she felt seeped out of it.

Shaking his head vigorously against the continuing onslaught of memories still soaring into his head, he managed to clear it just enough to form a mostly coherent sentence. “That's what I said – the night we filmed the wedding. The night we got together. We kissed and I said 'What a lucky boy I am.' I remember that.  _ I remember it _ .”

Alex gasped, her hands flying up to cover her mouth. “Are you serious? Darling, you really remember that? Is there anything else-?”

Clutching at his head still, he groaned out. “Everything. It's all coming back, I think. It feels like a whole bloody lifetime. Are you sure it's only been four and a half years?”

Almost as quickly as it started, it stopped and Matt, still completely dazed and trying to come back to himself, took a moment, or maybe a minute or ten, to appreciate the way the human brain worked. All those memories that had been missing for over two weeks were just –  _ there _ . Almost as if they were never gone to begin with, as if they'd never moved at all, and this whole insane ordeal had just been a dream or some mad hallucination, except he knew they weren't because he remembered all of that, too. He remembered not remembering, and that was an extremely surreal thought.

But more than anything the thing that showed him just how very real the previous few weeks had been was Alex's hands cradling his head as tears slipped past his eyes, her face in front of his, streaked with tears of her own and filled with a very strange and yet beautiful mixture of terror and the purest form of hope.

Despite the fear she was so very obviously feeling, the first thought that popped into his head was that she looked just as radiant as she had on their wedding day, and now he could actually remember it, not just the photos he'd seen, but the entire day. Her face as she walked down the isle, as they said their vows, as he leaned in to kiss her and make their union as husband and wife official.

His head finally mostly clear, he shook it numbly, gasping for air once more before breathing heavily. “Alex,” he murmured breathlessly, holding his hands up to cradle her face before pulling her towards him to kiss her eagerly, fiercely, noting she was too stunned to kiss him back, then breaking apart and pulling her head tightly against his chest. “Oh, my God, Alex,” he muttered against the top of her head and she finally let out a choked sob against his shirt, all the anguish and fear she'd been holding back the entire time for his sake coming out as she did her best to stifle the sounds she was making. Thankfully, Jamie seemed to be a decently heavy sleeper because he hadn't stirred yet.

“It's ok, Alex, I'm here, I've got you. It's over now, you hear? I promise it's over.”

After a few more moments, Alex was able to compose herself, and the tears on Matt's own face had mostly dried as she stared up at him, love and gratefulness shining from her eyes. “I told you –  _ I told you _ it would come back on its own,” she said with a sharp and watery laugh as she slapped his chest lightly.

“Just remind me to never not listen to you again,” he grinned down at her, still disbelieving at what had just happened. His amnesia was done and over with, and everything was so suddenly back - memories of all his work projects and time with his friends and family, but most importantly, of his time with her, their years of loving each other and being together, and it was simply mad that he'd been able to forget all of this in the first place.

“I don't know how I forgot all of this, forgot us, but it's over now and I swear, Alex, I swear nothing will ever make me forget it all again.”

Still holding Alex close to him, he turned his head to look over at the cot, where he could just see Jamie's dark head of hair through the bars, marveling at everything that had happened just in the last few hours.

He had his memory back, as unbelievable as that was, his entire sense of self, and their son was sleeping mere feet away from the pair of them, lost in his own world of dreams. He knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that it wouldn't be long until Salome got home from school, and he was suddenly anxious for her to arrive already so she could meet her brother and complete the family here in the nursery.

Once that happened, Matt just knew everything would be perfect. With his stepdaughter, his son, and his wife by his side, no matter what else happened, he knew it could never be anything less.

 


	13. Chapter 13

“Hey, Matt, bring Jamie in here a minute, will you? Your mother wants to take pictures!”

Matt looked up and spotted his dad standing in the backdoor of the house. He waved his arm up in acknowledgement. “Got it, Dad, be right there!”

He looked back down towards the grass again, where Jamie was currently tumbling after the Bo, the brand new beagle Matt and Alex had surprised him with just a few hours previously. They'd thought gifting him with a dog, something which both Matt and Alex had been wanting for a while, would be a good and memorable way to mark the celebration of the day.

Matt was already thinking of ways to sneak a bow tie collar onto the pup without Alex noticing, hoping to make the joke of his name more pronounced to onlookers without inciting his wife's ire and teasing remarks. But the little boy had already grown so attached to his new companion that Matt's heart ached at the thought of separating them, even just for the relatively short amount of time that pictures would take.

Guiltily, Matt's eyes searched the yard, where most of their family and friends were gathered, until his eyes met Alex's. It was the end of April, and miraculously, the weather had co-operated for their not-quite-so-small gathering today, so she was sitting at the patio table, Nicola, Laura, Jen, and Karen all gathered around her and giggling into their wine glasses. When she caught site of the guilty expression on his face, she rolled her eyes fondly and pointed faux-sternly towards the house.

Dutifully following orders (Alex's, not his mum's, he tried to console himself) he stood from his place on the grass and called over to Jamie, who had just toppled harmlessly to the ground after attempting to chase after the dog a bit too quickly. At eighteen months, he was very steady on his feet, but not quite up to all-out running yet. That fact certainly hadn't stopped him from trying thus far, however.

“Jamie, come on, bud, let's leave Bo alone and go inside for a bit.”

“No! Doggy!” Jamie protested, pointing with a smiling face at the small dog running playful circles around him.

Feeling Alex's amused eyes on him, Matt sighed and walked over, plucked him from the ground and placed his squirming and now agitated son firmly on his hip. “Yeah, I know you're having fun with Bo, but come on, Gran and Oma want their turn with you, too.”

Perking up instantly at the mention of his grandmothers, Jamie stopped fidgeting and started smiling, looking around the yard eagerly. Matt laughed out loud as he walked back towards the house in search of his mum and mother-in-law. The two women had certainly made it their business to spoil their grandson at every opportunity from the first day they had met him over six months before. The fact that he'd celebrated his first birthday within two weeks of joining their family had done little to help matters.

Stepping out of the rare English sunlight and into the kitchen, Matt immediately spotted Salome siting at the table with a small group of friends she'd invited over to celebrate with them. He stopped for a moment to let them fawn over and giggle with Jamie before setting off once more for the sitting room, where he knew his mum and Margarethe would be waiting.

“Matt, what took you so long?” his mother reprimanded him before he'd even fully entered the room, Margarethe tutting at her side.

“He was having so much fun with the dog, I couldn't bear to drag him away,” he laughed guiltily, depositing Jamie with his outstretched hands, into his grandmother's arms.

“He can play with the dog later,” Margarethe said, fumbling with the camera in her hands. “This little boy has a lot pictures to take before everyone goes home. Now you just leave him with us and we'll go get him ready.”

“Oh, yes, he can change back into these clothes later,” his mum agreed happily, “but he can't be sporting grass stains in the pictures for such an important day!”

“Hey, whatever you two want, just don't blame me if he gets bored after having to sit still so long later!” Matt said, raising his hands in surrender. He leaned in and pressed a swift kiss to the little boy's head. “Ok, Jamie, I'm gonna go back outside for a bit. You be good for Gran and Oma, all right?”

Jamie nodded his head eagerly. “Bye-bye, Daddy!”

Grinning widely and heart light, Matt gave his son one last wave before turning around and making his way back to the kitchen.

Salome and her friends had gone, and a quick glance through the glass door told him they were back outside and being entertained by Arthur, while Steven and Peter looked on in amusement. In their place, he found Alex, who must have followed the moment he left the yard, leaning comfortably against the counter in wait of his return. Her bright, infectious smile told him all he needed to know.

“You heard?” he grinned, sauntering over and leaning against the counter next to her, nudging her shoulder with his own.

She bit her lip happily, doing her best but failing to hold back her smile. “He called you 'Daddy.'”

“Yeah. I mean it's not like he hasn't before,” Matt said, shaking his head in disbelief. Jamie had been using the words “mummy” and “daddy” to refer to them for a while now, but it still felt good every time the words left his mouth. “It's just... today of all days, you know?”

“I know. I got a 'Mummy' right before everyone started getting here earlier, and I almost burst into tears,” she said softly, leaning her head against his shoulder. “And yeah, he says it all the time now, but today... it's  _ official _ .”

“I know. It felt official right from the start, but today it's  _ officially _ official,” Matt said, thinking fondly of their morning spent in London signing Jamie's official adoption papers and the updated birth certificate sitting in a safe upstairs with the name “James Matthew Smith” on it and his and Alex's names in the spots for “mother” and “father.”

“Still hard to believe,” Alex hummed in agreement.

“You know what I find hard to believe?” he asked, glancing down at her head on his shoulder, hearing her noncommittal hum of response. “I can't believe that they picked today of all days to finalize everything!”

Alex raised her head, confused at his statement. “Why's that? What's so special about today?”

Matt widened his eyes almost comically. “Kingston, come on, don't tell me you don't remember?” he demanded, feigning hurt in his voice as he teased her.

Alex's mouth opened wide in outrage. “I remember everything! You're the one who had the memory problems, not me!” she exclaimed, slapping his chest playfully.

“Oh, yeah?” he asked her smugly, happy to be able to hold something over her head. “Then how come I remember that today – the twenty-seventh of April – just so happens to be the anniversary of the kiss that made me decide I simply had to have you.”

Alex froze next to him and he felt her breath stop for a moment before she stood up straight again, turning to look at him with a mixture of shock and apology on her face. “But that makes today-”

“Five years since we first got together,” he said quietly as he smiled softly at her. “The best five years of my life.”

He was immediately engulfed by a cloud of hair hair as she threw her arms around his shoulders, kissing him quickly before burying her face in his neck. “Oh, my God, darling, I completely forgot! I'm sorry! With everything going on – Salome getting back from Florian's, and Jamie, and filming, and getting everything ready for today – it just completely slipped my mind!”

Matt chuckled lightly. “No worries. I knew you'd probably forget – we've both been so busy lately, it's been a complete madhouse around here. Consider it my payback for that whole amnesia stunt I pulled, yeah? Besides, I'm pretty sure you would would have remembered our actual  _ wedding _ anniversary coming up in a couple months.”

She agreed happily and then fell silent for a moment, obviously thinking, before pulling back a bit to gaze happily up at him. “Five years,” she whispered, slightly dazed, “Does it feel like it's been that long?”

“Not at all,” he said with an enthused shake of his head. “A year, maybe, or fifty but definitely not five. I dunno, it's weird.”

Alex hummed agreeably. “Who would have thought five years ago this is where we'd end up?”

“Oh, I did – right from the start,” he told her earnestly. “Maybe Jamie and the adoption weren't exactly something we planned right from the beginning, but I always knew I'd never be able to let you go after that. You were stuck with me right from that first night. Jamie's the bonus package and now, after today, he's stuck with us too.”

“He really is the best gift we could have asked for.”

“Absolutely. And can I say – I love that the adoption was finalized today,” he told her, hugging her close to his chest once more. “Now it's the day our family was created and the day it was made complete, all in one.”

He felt her smile widely into the fabric of his shirt. “I love it too. And I love you. Happy anniversary, darling.”

“Happy anniversary, Alex.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it. That's all I've got for you. I very much hope you've all enjoyed the trip half as much as I have. I've been writing fic on and off for about twelve years now but very few things have ever been completed before, the longest of which was about 13k words (and is also listed on here) for DW. But this is the absolute longest piece I've ever written or completed and is my first foray into writing for this ship or RPF in general, which was something that intimidated me greatly. But the outpouring of support, both on here and tumblr, was the single best motivator in the world. I guarantee this fic would have been abandoned after the third or fourth chapter without all the encouragement, so I thank every one of you. I started writing this soon after the start of an extremely difficult time in my life in order to have something to work and focus on to keep myself sane and it may not seem like it with the occasionally spotty update times, but this fic has been my focus and obsession since it started three and a half months ago. I'm sad to see it go but am very much looking forward to writing and sharing more fics with you all in the future. Thanks again for reading! ::overly emotional author notes over now::


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